5. Between the Stars:
If her stories and the previous reverend mother are anything to go by, those who witness and/or converse with the lilitu lose their minds. If so then does that mean I have lost mine too? Certainly my body is changing, but what of my mind, that part of one's brain that makes me, well, me?
I paused as I was making my way back to the convent. I seriously considered not going back.
Not because of the lilitu as such. It had been a week now. My body no longer ached from my excursions and I seemed to require very little sleep. What little slumber I did have had me back in her realm, being fucked by monsters while the enthroned harlot in the lunar ray watched me with maddening indifference.
No, it was because my progression to becoming Ardat-Lili had advanced to the point where life in the cloister was nigh unbearable now. The thought of going back there, having to cover myself with that habit and prattle that nonsense in that musty old building made me want to scream, if only to lessen the mundanity of it. Whatever made me think that I would find solace in such a dull life? No, the brothel is my temple, the bed my altar. I belong in the streets now, the alleys, those places where the forsaken and depraved lurk to indulge in their true natures. Those places where such creatures can unleash themselves upon me.
My clients, or 'devotees' as the lilitu calls them, fuck me like animals now. My presence has changed in such a way that they are drawn to me, as if hearing a siren's call, and the sight of me seems to inspire them to acts they would not usually dare to try on others. Every vile act sends shivers of pleasure through me, leaving me wanting more, demanding more. My legs open to all, I turn none away and none now dare to reject me, for I despise that more than anything. None should deny me their lust.
When did I start thinking that way? Perhaps my mind really is gone.
I sighed, sat down and looked up at the night sky. In my nakedness, I should have been freezing in the Autumn air but I was on fire, wanting only to return back to the city. My loins ached to be used so much and so often it took all my will to control myself. All that kept me going now was the thought of the lilitu, the thought of at last being able to touch her. I smiled as I tried to look past the stars, recalling what the lilitu had told me the night before.
******
"Why do you keep bringing that lantern?"
I strode in with my latest offering for her. Now that men were drawn to me and more eager in their efforts I had little trouble fulfilling the lilitu's appetites. I paused and was careful as ever not to look too closely at the bars. I held up my lantern to better see her and frowned, thinking the question too stupid to answer.
The lilitu smiled that smile that set my heart racing and caught the vial I now used to collect the seed. "Put it out." She demanded in that musical voice of hers.
"There is no other source of light here. Perhaps you have no need of it but I will be stumbling all over the place without it, I'll likely injure myself trying to head back out."
Of course, she just laughed, "Time to give you more proof that you are not like these mortals. Tell me, have you ever heard in song, or prose a description of the beauty of the stars, the moon, the sunrise or the sunset?"
Still holding the lantern defiantly I answered, "Naturally."
"So tell me, what do you feel when you have witnessed any of these? Are you awed by the beauty of such things? Are you filled with longing and wonder as you watch the sun rise and fall? Do you feel part of something great when you see the stars?"
I blinked. When I was a child my father had taken me to a field where he would walk his dogs. There we sat one day and watched the sun settle behind the horizon and the first silver pinpricks appear in the sky above. My father commented how lovely that scene was. I could only look at him in confusion, because I felt... "Nothing. Those things never stirred anything in me. I can never understand what others see in it, nor why I do not."
"Indeed! Oh Laylah you are perfect." the lilitu sidled toward me then retreated when she realised how close to the bars she was, "Since the mortals of this realm first crawled from the ocean they have been drawn to light, they have worshipped light, like moths they have always flown to the light and as a result their wings are burned.
"But for beings of the Evernight like you and me Laylah, we are not fooled by such things. The reality is that the sun, moon and every star is as fragile as those mortals, doomed to death sooner or later. The true answers are in the darkness surrounding them, in the shadows. An Ardat-Lili's eyes have no need of light, so put out that silly lamp."
I looked at her longingly, then at the lamp. I brought no matches so there would be no relighting it. I shrugged and blew it out. I was plunged into darkness, yet saw everything more clearly than before.
******
I admired that void between the stars awhile, thrilled in the knowledge that there were things that dwelt there which hungered for me, that yearned to do wonderful and debased things to me. I thought I could sense those entities out there an eternity away, doing these things to Ardat-Lili like me. How I yearn to be amongst my sisters! To share in the delights! It set me alight again and made me aware of the hunger that had been problematic for me the past week or so.
It had now reached a point when I became all too aware of my craving.
Since first meeting the lilitu it had always vaguely been there, but I had put it down to the mad lust that dwelled in me. But as I sat down for our meals with the other sisters I noticed my appetite for food was growing less and less, to the point where I began to feel somewhat disgusted by it. It now seemed absurd to be eating the carcass of animals and plants that had been grown from mud. I feel ill just thinking about putting such dross into me. To avoid suspicion I forced some of it down and pretended I was unwell.
I hungered for semen.
It is a strange and dangerous hunger. It did not set my stomach growling and it was not only my mouth that watered at the thought of it. I craved it all over me. I wanted it over my tongue and running down my throat, I wanted it dripping down my breasts, flooding my vulva and rectum until it leaked down my legs. I wanted to drown in semen, to take men unendingly and have them surrender their loads unto me. It was a craving that only grew the more I ignored it, and threatened to drive me mad (or at least madder) if I did not satisfy that need soon.
Fortunately there came a night when the changes in me became more apparent, as did the effect my changing presence had on others.
6. Hieros Gamos:
"They say that the ghost of the previous reverend mother is haunting these gardens." Sister Naomi whispered to me as we worked the flowerbed together. She 'accidentally' brushed my sleeve as she did so. This did not surprise me. My aura had grown and begun to affect the sisters of the cloister now. I could sense their loins moistening when they saw or neared me. Some like Sister Muriel would glare at me with a mixture of suspicion, longing and fear before walking away swiftly. Others like sister Naomi would find reasons to be closer to me, even if they do not fully know why. The scent of their growing arousal for me nearly had my Ardat-Lili instincts take over fully. I was well aware I would not be able to control myself forever, I would either have to strike pre-emptively or deal with the consequences when I lose control unwillingly. Hence I drew closer to Sister Naomi.
Besides, she has something I require.
"Is that so?" I replied, not believing it. Even if it were true what can an incorporeal spirit do? I never really understood the fear of ghosts.
"Yes, they say she appears when she was young though. Apparently she wanders across this garden to the wall covered with ivy over there." She then drew closer to me and whispered huskily, "Apparently she is not in a habit but completely nude! Don't say any of this near Sister Muriel though, or you'll be turning rosaries."
I mentally cursed. That was no ghost but me! I was certain no one was around, how had people seen me? Containing my panic, I realised my time was running out sooner than I thought. I was going to be caught in the near future unless I hurried. Just how much more semen does that damned lilitu need? How much longer must I continue to become a full Ardat-Lili? My frustration triggered my urges, I wanted to tear the wretched habit from my body. I wanted to tear the habit from Naomi also and fuck her on the flowerbed we had so carefully arranged. I wanted everyone around to watch in horror and admiration as I did things to her their sterile fantasies never conjured. I pictured her panting, gasping and screaming in pleasure as I did so and felt my thighs slicken at the thought.
"Sister Luci, are you alright?" she placed a hand on mine which only made it harder.
I wanted to shout 'call me Laylah!' at her and begin the depravity. Worse, with my enhanced senses I could tell her body was responding unwittingly. If I acted on it now her legs would open to me gladly. I forced myself to cough and pulled my hand from her, "Yes, sorry, I was miles away. Excuse me, I need to get some water."
As I fled I recalled the lilitu's lesson in sovereignty. I had put it off, not having the daring or confidence to do it. But tonight I will have to go through with it, take the plunge and hope that spells the completion of my transformation.
******
"What more must I do?" I shouted at the lilitu, I had brought her no semen. In my thirst I had taken it all for myself. Yet it had not lessened my craving or arousal at all. No matter how much I drank or how often I orgasmed I only wanted more. It occurred to me that mortals simply could not satiate me anymore, it was time to go to my true realm.
