I woke up, feeling warm, satiated and content. As I rolled over I reached out for her - and found nothing, just an empty place in the bed. I screamed from pit of my stomach and hurled myself from the bed.
"Jesus Christ, Paul!" Annie yelled, dashing in from the bathroom, "What the fu..." She saw me, standing shaking against the wall. My heart was pounding and I was covered in cold sweat. As she watched my knees gave way and I sank to the floor.
"Oh my God, Paul, what's the matter?" Annie leapt to me and cradled me in her arms, my head resting on her breasts as I sobbed the sobs of a terrified child. Slowly I calmed down.
"It's alright." I said shakily, "It was just a nightmare."
Annie chuckled. "Thank goodness for that, lover. You gave me a scare though."
"You and me both! Sorry!"
"Come back to bed, you're freezing cold and shivering."
I climbed back into the bed and Annie drew the covers over us before wrapping me in her arms and legs. I breathed in the perfume of her body. So warm and comforting, so different from... I quickly shied away from that thought, as my heart raced again.
"You're tensing up again, what is it gorgeous?"
"Just a memory of the nightmare." Nightmare? Hah! I only wished it was. I had spent a long, long, time walling those memories away and still they had burst out. It was not something that I wanted to share with Annie either. We were in love, but my story would strain anyone's love and credulity. I still tried not to believe it for God's sake! I settled down with Annie again. I didn't go back to sleep at once. Instead I kept my mind firmly on Annie, remembering when we had met and what had brought us here.
I had decided to go out for a drink that summer's evening. I didn't do that often because recently I'd taken to a solitary life, but that night I wanted to be around people. So, there I was, sitting in a relatively quiet Pub, looking at my distorted reflection in the side of my soft drink when I saw a woman making her away towards me. She was short, a bit plump but curvy with it, had mousy hair and when she got closer I saw that her eyes were a brilliant green. 'Contacts' I thought, but I was wrong about that.
"May I sit here?"
I rose to my feet. "Yes, certainly. My name is Paul, by the way."
"I'm Annie. I haven't seen you here before, are you waiting for someone?"
"No, I'm all alone." This said a bit more bitterly than I'd intended.
"Sorry to hear that. Tell you what, I'll talk to you and make you feel less alone."
That made me laugh, although I was dreading that what she meant was that she'd chatter non-stop at me. I was to be pleasantly surprised, however. Instead of inane chatter we had a good conversation and I found that enjoyed her company. At closing time I drove her home and saw her to her front door. As she left the car, she kissed me, but I was glad she didn't invite me in, I wasn't ready to deal with intimacy. However, we'd exchanged 'phone numbers and agreed to call.
We met a few times more and then went out to dinner together. Afterwards, when I drove her home she invited me in for coffee and I accepted, gratefully. We actually did have coffee, but when it became obvious that she wanted me to stay the night I found that I couldn't.
"Look Annie, I've got to go. I can't stay with you tonight."
"Don't you like me?"
"It's not that at all. Look, all I can say now is that I've been through a truly traumatic relationship; no, please don't ask me to explain it yet, I'm still trying to deal with it and I'm just not ready for this yet. But, please, please, don't give up on me yet; just be patient with me and give me a some time." By the time I'd finished speaking I was pale and shaking.
A look of deep compassion crossed her face, she came to me, reached up, and patted my cheek. "Don't worry about me giving up on you Paul, I have absolutely no intention of doing that."
"Thanks, Annie. Thank you so very much. I'll explain it all to you, once I can." I hugged her tight and left. It took me a few minutes just sitting in the car to get myself calmed down to the point I felt I could drive safely.
We continued to see each other over the next few weeks. It became obvious that we were falling in love- I missed her like crazy when we were apart. We phoned each other every day and talked for hours in the evenings. I took Annie to the theatre and after the show invited her back to my place.
"I'd like to Paul, but I want you to understand that if I come back with you, I'm not leaving until the morning at the earliest."
"I know that. And I don't want you to leave, I want to spend the night, hell the rest of my life I reckon, with you."
"Do you really mean that?"
I grinned at her, "Which bit?"
Annie laughed. "Both bits, idiot!"
I nodded. "Yup, I'm being pretty serious about this. But please, Annie, I still need your patience, this is a big step for me right now. I want to, I want you, but I'm still scared and I still can't explain why."
"I won't say I understand, I don't. But I will say this; we'll work this through Paul, whatever it takes - I love you."
I tried to stop my voice shaking "Love you too, so very much."
In the car Annie started to chuckle.
"What is it, Annie?"
"Actually I was thinking that I hope it is hard for you, in one way at least."
That made me chuckle too. "Hard for you, is more near the point, don't you think?"
"There is that." Her hand squeezed my thigh.