Dar Desires

As the pilot's voice floated above announcing that we were descending for landing I leaned back into the chair and slowly ran my finger across my stomach. I was completely oblivious to anyone else around me, filled with dark thoughts and desires. Awakening from my trance as the plane bounced to its landing I reached into my pocket and gently rubbed the tiny piece of paper that was there. I couldn't help but check for that paper at least every half hour, I still couldn't believe that I was doing this.

It was just so easy though, so fucking easy! Even before I had a single thought of doing anything this drastic, I had all the information I needed that first time he called. Now he completely trusted me, and rightly so…after all, I had let him kill me at least thirty times online and on the phone…each time was just a little better and little closer to the real thing.

As I stood by the baggage conveyers and watched all of the bags circle before my eyes I could hear this hushed whispering beside me. Glancing over in the direction of the whispers I saw an elderly couple staring at me with obvious disapproval in their eyes. I suddenly realized that I had lifted my shirt again and was sliding my nails up and down my belly in full view, exposing my tiny and numerous scars. It had become such an unconscious habit; I don't even think about it anymore, it's just natural. Quickly I pull down my shirt and re-compose myself, again checking for that tiny piece of paper in my pocket.

"Jesus, I can't believe how damn hot it is here! It's freaking' October for god's sake!" I said exasperated to no one in particular as I lugged my bags up to the counter. The stern look on the rental agents face told me that I obviously was not from around these parts but also that all of Dallas would probably prefer it if I just went home! I wonder if Texas is in the Bible belt, eh regardless "Can I please just get my car, I would really like to get going" I retort back at him, glaring with the biggest 'fuck you' grin I can muster.

That seemed to have done the trick; I can't remember the last time I got out of any kind of rental place so fast! Pulling out of the driveway I clutch again at the tiny piece of paper and head to the hotel.

The room is perfect, although far from a honeymoon suite it is a picture of comfort. A huge king bed dominates the room and there are a few comfy chairs as well as a television. Pausing briefly at the entryway I take in the surroundings and then flop down on the bed feeling its mattress give in to the shape of my body a little.

Fighting the urge to sleep, I head out in search of the local mall. It didn't take long to find, the area is full of shopping centers. A Macy's, perfect! As I head to the house wares department, my adrenaline really begins pumping, the reality of what I am about to do starts to hit home.

"May I help you with selecting some cutlery?" the helpful assistant asked with a polite smile on her face. It was difficult to even tear my eyes away from all of the beautiful knives for more than a second. Such gleaming beauties lay before me, all of them shiny and new and undoubtedly very sharp. "Yes, I am looking for a knife, a nice butcher knife" I mutter under my breath as my chest begins to heave just a bit at the mere sight of all the blades before me. With a somewhat softer voice now, the assistant began walking away slowly "We have some lovely sets over here." I lift my head and meet her questioning gaze " I only need the one, tell you what – why don't you go round up all the butcher knives you sell and lay them out on the counter here and I will tell you which one I want" already I could feel myself growing impatient. As she began gathering up the various butcher knifes from different sets I caught myself stroking my belly again and forced myself to stop. This was neither the time nor the place.

As she began laying the knives out before me on the counter, I could feel my senses come alive, my body awaken and tingle. Even the sound that they made as she carefully laid them out was enticing to me. The gentle thud of the handle and then the soft clink of the metal hitting the glass counter sent shivers down my spine. Each one was a work of art, a stunning display of power, and passion, I stared at them with gleaming eyes as if I were setting eyes upon a fortune. I carefully made my way down the counter gently picking each one up and caressing it with my fingers. I can only imagine what the clerk must have thought at this point, but I really did not care, it needed to be perfect, everything needed to be perfect.

Finally coming to the last one, it was as if we were meant for each other. The black handle slid into my palm like it was custom made for an exact fit. Its steel blade caught the light as I turned it over in my hand, sliding my index finger along the length of its blade. It was so smooth and elegant, yet large enough to be menacing and very sharp. "It's perfect! I'll take it." I startled the clerk with my not so subtle enthusiasm, and she did not hesitate to wrap it up and quickly send me on my way.

I couldn't wait to get back to the hotel, it had been a long day and I was exhausted, I needed to be fully alert for tomorrow….yet still I knew I would have to examine the knife once more, in private.

As I opened the door, I instantly felt the cool breeze of the A/C hit my face "mmmm, now that's more like it." Making my way to the bed, I pulled my t-shirt over my head and dropped it to the floor while removing my paper wrapped package from the Macy's bag. As tired as I was, there was no way that I was going to go to sleep without feeling it against my skin ….at least once.

As the handle slid into my palm once again, I knew I had chosen the right one; we were made for each other. I held the tip to my bare skin, just below my throat and felt its cool bite of sharpness. Slowly I began dragging it down my chest, watching the blade slide across my goose bumped flesh, slowly making its way over my bra and down my stomach. It felt divine, like a cold silk wave washing over me…..slowly creeping down until it slid right into the spot. I didn't even need to look anymore; my hand could direct a knife right to that spot in pitch blackness now. It was as if it pulled the blade there itself, calling the knife to it. I held it there for moment relishing the feel of it and then pushed it in swiftly. Squeezing my eyes closed and letting out a barely audible whimper, the familiar pain filled my stomach, hot searing pain. I sucked in my stomach tight pushing my breasts upward and arching my back into a shallow breath. I held that position for about a minute before releasing the blade from its home in my skin. That pain was now an old friend of mine, a comfort to me. As I let the knife drop to my side, I slipped into a blissful sleep, never letting go of the grip I held on it.

I woke long before my wake up call, the anticipation filling me with excitement. I stood in the shower and went over everything in my head one more time. I closed my eyes and pictured the events to follow in perfect detail as the hot water streamed down my body, stinging my sensitive stomach. Yes, it was absolutely perfect and I was finally ready to face my killer.

I toweled myself off quickly and smiled as I began to dress. As I slid into my black cotton shorts and white lace bra, I couldn't help but think of his reaction, his total surprise. I was so pumped up and filled with nervous excitement that I had put my t-shirt on backwards. As I turned it around I told myself to get a grip, maintaining control was going to be so important today, maybe even life or death. The thought alone made me let out a small giggle which echoed in the otherwise empty hallway.

Once in the car, I took a few deep breaths and then got the map I had picked up at the airport out and unfolded the piece of paper I had so carefully coveted. Talking to myself I carefully covered the paper with my hand "this is it, there is no turning back, if you look at the paper then you are damn well going through with this, otherwise just drive back to the airport and go home." I took a few more deep breaths and removed my hand, "14 Countryside Drive" as I located the street on the map, I had this nagging feeling that I should have chosen to go home, but what the hell, I didn't come all this way for nothing.

"10…….12…….14, hmmmm not a bad looking house" as I drove past the house I took a mental picture of the truck parked in the driveway. Turning around on the next block, I pulled to the side of the road and parked. Nothing to do now but wait. Again, I went over the plan in my head, envisioning every step of the way, every action and reaction.

Just as I was about to push my seat back a little I saw the truck back out of the driveway up ahead, it's a good thing I left early or I might have blown the whole thing. I watched until the truck started to fade from view and then began following it. He didn't work very far away from home and as I passed the parking lot he pulled into I caught a quick glimpse of him as he stepped out of his truck. He matched his voice perfectly; I couldn't have imagined his commanding presence any better myself. I watched him begin to walk away and drove away.

The waiting was killing me, I couldn't eat, couldn't sit still, I was so restless. This was it, I was really going to do this, I must be nuts! After wasting about 6 hours generally pacing about I headed back to the parking lot. I parked next to his truck and waited a few minutes, watching the area carefully, making sure no one was around. Muttering under my breath I retrieved the small lock pick kit out of my purse "If this works it will be a fucking miracle." I fumbled with the pick in the lock for a few minutes, as sweat began pouring down my face; I was just about to give up when I heard a faint "click" from inside the door. Slowly, I pulled the pick out and pulled on the door handle. With a small creak the door swung open. I closed it and hurried back to the rental. Gotta love Ebay! I put the A/C on high and began drinking the bottled water I had brought, damn, why does Texas have to be so damn hot! When I felt I was about as cold as I was going to get and didn't think I could take another minute in the sub-zero temperature I grabbed my purse and ran to the truck.

As I lay down in the back on the floor, the heat began soothing my body; it felt so good to actually feel warm again. I adjusted myself as low to the ground as possible and pulled the knife out of my purse. I began slowly dragging it across my belly again and got so lost in the feeling that I barely noticed the driver's side door swing open. I froze for a split second, frozen in fear, terrified and completely unable to focus. As I heard keys jangling and the sound of the motor come to life I came back to reality. Without another moments hesitation I sprang up, thrust the knife into the back of the drivers seat and grabbed him by throat "If you so much as make a fucking sound or move an inch I will push this fucking blade so far into your back they will have to take out the whole damn seat to get you loose" I whispered into his ear, staying low. As he stiffened up in my grip and took a gasp for air I knew he had recognized my voice. "Are you going to do exactly as I tell you?" I whispered in my strongest voice hoping that he wouldn't hear the quivering in my speech. "Yes" his voice was even sexier in person, deep and strong.

"Good, then drive, we are going to the Best Western on Columbia" I managed to get it out without stuttering which was amazing to say the least. My heart was racing as he leaned over the seat to back up and locked onto my eyes, staring dead at me, he said nothing and I held the knife firmly to the back of the seat. We drove in silence and I hoped he couldn't hear my rapid breathing, I felt like I would never catch my breath again, I still couldn't believe I had actually done it.

As we pulled into the hotel parking lot, I instructed him to stay put until I got out, he was to walk directly in front of me and not try anything crazy. I jumped out of the back of the truck and opened his door, still brandishing the knife. His eyes caught mine again and I was frozen like a deer in headlights. He stared at me with such lust in his eyes, such desire, there was no sign of fear…..this was going to be harder than I thought. I grabbed him and turned him around, sliding my hand around his waist. I could feel the warmth of his body as I pressed him against me letting him feel the knife in his back. "Now we are just going to walk into that hotel and get into the elevator like a happy couple who can't bear to be apart. Understand?" He nodded his head yes and we were off, I kept looking around silently hoping that no one would even notice us heading in.

As I closed and locked the door behind us I let out a sigh of relief, we had made it this far and I felt better about the situation now, confident. Leading him to the bed I pushed him down on it and grabbed the phone. Thrusting it into his face I told him to call his wife and make something up, he was going to be late coming home. As he began to dial the phone I stood directly in front of him and ever so slowly began lifting my shirt up exposing my belly. As he muttered into the receiver, something about helping a friend move, his eyes widened as he stared at my belly, taking in all of his handiwork.

"I take it you know who I am then?" I asked in a teasing voice. "Yes" he said softly, his eyes never leaving my stomach. I pulled the shirt completely off and tossed it aside, leaving me standing before him in my shorts and white bra, something I knew he would be aroused by. Still holding the knife firmly in my hand, I moved toward him and kissed him softly on the lips. He hesitated and seemed rather cold, so I took his right hand in mine and placed it on my stomach, covering it. Slowly he began to move his hand, feeling my skin and caressing my stomach with his fingers. I moved in and again kissed him softly, this time his lips parted slightly and his tongue met mine as I tasted him for the first time. My tongue explored his mouth, his taste, while his fingers explored my stomach, sliding over the small swollen areas and pressing in gently as he caressed.

I moaned into his mouth as he hit the familiar spot, where the very knife I was dragging across his back as I pulled his shirt up and off had been last night. As soon as I pulled his shirt off he leaned in and kissed me hard and deep. His kiss was passionate and he seemed to almost swallow me whole as he pushed in again on that tender spot. I filled his lungs with hot air as I gasped into his mouth, whimpering as his tongue intertwined with mine.

I broke away from the kiss and his taste lingered in my mouth, such a sweet succulent taste. I stood before him again and slowly held the knife up to my chest. With my hand tightly wrapped around the handle I pointed it just below my collar bone and held it there. One look at his face and I knew he had been dreaming of seeing me like this for a long time. All those phone calls, all those chats, but now I was here, in the flesh and the only thing between us was a glorious butcher knife.

I watched his eyes intently as I started to drag the knife down my chest; I let it gracefully slide into my cleavage and watched his face as the blade disappeared into my bra. I stared at him and moved in a little closer "put your hands on me," he slid his hands over my hips caressing my belly with his thumbs and leaned in kissing me gently right above my belly button. I pulled the knife up and out of my cleavage and began dragging it over my bra, between my ribs and down my stomach. Then I stopped.

I held the knife in place and leaned down to him and kissed him again. He moved into me and slid his hand around the handle over mine as he filled my mouth with his sweet taste once again. Moaning into his kiss I released my grip on the knife and threw both my hands around his neck pulling closer to him. As our embrace tightened, the knife began to move into me, it dug into my soft tender flesh and I whimpered quietly at the pain, feeling the wonderful heat begin to circle my stomach.

Leaning in close to him and whispering softly in his ear, I could feel the knife going just a little deeper "how bad do you want this?" My answer came with another small push making my chest heave as I struggled to take in another breath, my breathing become faster now. "More than life itself sweetheart" he replied in a seductive and deep voice as the knife buried itself into me further now, breaking the skin and sliding into the warmth of my insides. Struggling to breathe, taking short shallow breathes I manage to whisper "I'm so…….happy……..to hear…….that" and with both of my hands on his shoulders I push with everything I have left, sending him tumbling back onto the bed. He begins to sit back up and I push him down roughly with one hand on his chest as the other clutches at the handle sticking out of my stomach "wait, baby…….take……off…..your…pants" my breathing is quick and shallow now, my lungs on fire as I struggle to stay on my feet.

He can see that I am struggling and he knows that this is sometimes part of our fantasy so he quickly obliges and removes his pants and underwear revealing a raging hard-on. I motion for him to scoot further up on the bed and lay down for me; I am no longer able to talk as I am gasping for air every few seconds in short raspy breaths. I have to hold on, I think to myself, no fainting, be strong, you have prepared yourself for this dammit!

He lays there so perfect, so beautiful, and I slowly make my way toward him. Wincing at the immense pain as it sears through my body, still clutching the knife buried in me I crawl onto the bed. His eyes are locked on my stomach, the sound of my labored breathing obviously getting him more aroused as he watches me struggle, my fingers wrapped tightly around the blade handle in desperation as I crawl on top of him.

I straddle him and can feel his hard cock beneath me pressing into my very wet shorts, it causes a sensation of pleasure to curse through me as I moan and cry out in pain at the same time. I look deep into his eyes and wrap my free hand around the knife as well, and throwing my head back in pain I begin to pull the blade out slowly. The pain is more than I had anticipated and for a moment I feel like I might die right on the spot. I cannot breathe anymore; my lungs are on fire as I begin to hyperventilate struggling to get the tiniest bit of air into my lungs. His eyes are glued to the blade slowly growing larger before him as it is pulled from inside me.

Looking down I can know see blood on the blade as it emerges and watch a tiny trickle of it run down my belly and into my belly button. I can feel my insides closing in on itself as it is released from the constriction of the blade, my skin slowly tightening as the blade moves out of me. As the blade finally comes completely out of me a tiny river of blood begins down my belly and streams into the waistband of my shorts. I gasp for breath and feel a little more air enter my lungs this time. The panic has left me and I no longer feel lightheaded.

I hold the bloody knife loosely in one hand and continue struggling to breath, filling my lungs with sweet sweet air, gasping and gasping unable to inhale long enough to satisfy my desire to fill my lungs completely. I grab his hand with my free one and place it palm down over the wound, letting him feel the warmth of my skin and blood beneath it. He pushes his palm onto the wound making me scream out in pain but stopping the bleeding in the process. He just lies there like that watching me struggle, regaining my breath slowly, pushing harder and harder on my wound, increasing my pain and feeling my skin spread open beneath him.