Journal of Erin Hollister
10 June, mid-afternoon
I'm no longer scared. I feel myself changing, physically and mentally. This morning I was an emotional wreck over what I did last night. Now I am indifferent.
Aunt Carmilla explained things when I woke up half past noon. I am transforming into a vampire, one of the living dead - or undead - that feeds on the blood of the living. As a vampire, I will not age, and I will have supernatural powers at night. At night, I will have increased strength; during the day my strength will be no greater than when I was just a mortal being. (It still sounds queer saying that out loud.) At night, I will have the power to turn into a mist, to pass through any barrier, to fly as shadow, and transform into a large animal. Aunt Carmilla takes the form of a large panther, but she says most vampires prefer the form of a wolf. I will also be able to take the form of a large bat, a large owl, or a horde of rats. In addition, as witnessed last night, my senses will be sharpened. I will have control over wolves, bats, owls, rats, and other nocturnal predators, and by making eye contact will be able to influence
my prey
the minds of
mortals
others. Finally, and this she stressed, the full moon has regenerative properties for vampires; even if reduced to ashes, should the ash be exposed to the light of the full moon, the moonlight will revive
me
the vampire.
She also explained the weaknesses. Silver, because of its mystical connection to the moon, is anathema to a vampire. A full vampire lacks a reflection, though until I fully transform, I will retain mine. (Carmilla mentioned there were some that retained their reflections after fully transforming, but this was a very rare case.) Holy symbols wielded by a believer can hold
us
a vampire at bay, and religious hymns will hurt
our
the vampire's ears. Touching a holy symbol
we
the vampire worshiped in life, such as a crucifix, causes
us
great pain.
We
A vampire cannot enter any residence nor the house of God without an express invitation, though an invite once given cannot be revoked save through a special ritual. Fire is also a weakness, though vampires can see clearly through smoke.
And then there are those who hunt
our kind
vampires, those who would cut off my head, drive a stake through my heart, burn my body to ashes, and call it a blessing. The mere thought is causing my anger to rise...
Aunt Carmilla told me that Mother's illness was because she began the transformation but never fed. The more I drink blood, the faster I will transform. Mother never drank anything other than water; I always wondered about that, but now it makes sense.
When I asked how Mother had saved Carmilla's life twice, Aunt Carmilla gave me this sad look. The first time, she explained, was when they first met, when the coach carrying Carmilla and her sire overturned in front of Grandfather's schloß, and they took her in with Mother's urging. The second time was after Carmilla had been revealed as a vampire. Carmilla had previously revealed herself as a vampire to Mother several nights before; when Grandfather along with a woodsman discovered Carmilla in her grave here at the Karnstein schloß, they killed her as Mother watched. Mother found Carmilla's remains afterward and dragged the remains to a nearby hill, exposing them to moonlight and resurrecting her.
There was more, of course, but the conversation was interrupted by my stomach. Carmilla led me to the dining hall, where a man and a woman had been stripped naked and laid out on tables, along with a wonderful spread of breakfast meats, fruits, and pastries on a third table. Both the man and the woman did not appear to be fully conscious. I licked my lips, grazing my tongue along my sharpening canines.
"Choose," she told me.
I should have gone to the breakfast spread. Instead, I found myself drawn to the man. His expression was dazed, but his penis was erect; only later did I see that there was a clasp at the base of it. I knelt down and took the penis in my hand, gauging its size and girth. I straddled him, lifting my skirt to around my waist and reaching down to guide him into my private area. Pleasure and pain mixed as my maidenhood was torn from me, but I didn't care about any of that. My eyes locked onto his, and it seemed like I could hear his thoughts as I maintained eye contact. All the while, my hips kept moving, rocking seemingly on their own.
I felt his ecstasy change to fear as my hunger grew. I felt my teeth elongate as my mouth opened wide. I struck fast, sinking my
fangs
teeth into his neck. Unlike last night, I was aware
of my prey
I was draining his blood. I am only slightly ashamed to say I enjoyed the rich, thick liquid that surged down my throat. I could
taste
his fear as his life ended.
When I lifted my head off his neck, I saw Carmilla between the woman's legs, her own fangs deep in
her meal's
victim's
the woman's thigh. Carmilla smiled at me; I smiled back and returned to feasting.