Chapter 02: Love-Making Her Way
I was wearing my brand-new, sexy red panties and bra, and Oh, yes! my new garter belt and nylons (quite uncomfortable!). I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself; I looked pretty good, far from perfect, but good enough, and very sexy! I dabbed some perfume on all the right places. My new boy-friend would be here in a half hour, and I hoped to attract him to those special places! I was very excited about today.
My name is Roxanne. I am 46, but I look younger, I usually tell people I am 44 and they still say "Wow, you don't look it!" My hair is dark blonde, and I am quite tall and on the thin side. I never considered myself 'pretty', but all dressed up with makeup on, I feel I can be attractive. I have my hair in a short style, and I wear just a little make-up, lipstick and eye makeup. I keep my body in good shape, going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week. Realistically, though, I wish I was not as tall with a more rounded figure.
I am an OR nurse with a very responsible position. I am very good at my job and I love it. I am well regarded and respected by the staff that I work with, and that makes me feel very good and builds up my self esteem. When I used to go home my self esteem would decline considerably, but that has all ended now that I live alone.
I am almost divorced; let me start by telling you about that. I was a faithful wife, married to Mr. Jerk (aka Mr. Control-Freak) for 20 years, until I found out about a year ago that he had been seeing another woman for three years. "Seeing" was not the only thing he was doing to this woman, if you know what I mean. I had met her and she was nothing: not pretty, no class, not smart, I don't know what he could have seen in her except she was about 20 years younger than I was, with bigger breasts than mine.
I found out about this affair when he was away overnight on business -- you can guess what the 'business' was. Anyway, I stuffed some of his clothes into his suitcase and put it on the front steps. I locked all the doors, unplugged the phone, and went to bed. No way was he coming back into my house!
Of course there was a big fuss when he got home, but I kept him out, and I saw a lawyer the next day. My ex made a lame attempt at reconciling, weak apology, etc, and now is being a real jerk about the divorce; his lawyer says that I have one of his cd's! Can you imagine? Anyway, I will get as much out of him as I can, and I will get over this in time.
Now don't think that because I'm 46, I don't feel sexy; actually I feel sexier in the last year or so than I have for a long time. I have masturbated a few times in the past year: a new experience for me as I had never done this before. Of course I had thought about it, but I did not feel the need.
This sexuality started about a month after my marriage break-up, when I was reading a romance novel in bed and I got to a part where they were getting romantically intimate and I started to feel sexy, I was getting moist and was aware of my genital area. I put my hand down there to see what was going on, and it felt pretty good when I touched myself. I didn't bring myself to climax at that time, but I thought about it afterwards and decided that next time I would keep going. I had been having some erotic thoughts and fantasies since I have been living alone, but up until this occasion they were only fantasies. The following night I got nicely into bed, and then went back to the same part of the book that had turned me on the night before, and this time I kept on stroking until I had a climax, and it felt good. About a week later, I rented a Brad Pitt movie and sure enough, I started to get aroused, so I started to touch my vaginal area and massaged and I even inserted my finger inside and found my clitoris. My climax came in about ten minutes and again it felt very good and I was quite satisfied afterwards.
Since then I have bought myself a vibrator. When I opened the package I had a good laugh when I looked at it and turned it on. The next time I started getting a bit horny I got the vibrator and fooled around with it just around the edge of my vagina and brought myself on that way (I tried it on my breasts but it didn't feel good at all). The next time I tried pushing in an inch or two, and that felt even better, and now I'm an expert at touching it to all the right places and having a climax whenever I want without a man anywhere near.
One of my co-workers propositioned me. We went for a drink after work and she sort of hinted that I should try sex with a woman, and she was looking at me in a certain way and smiling, but I do not fancy that. Maybe sometime in the future, but it does not appeal to me at this time.
So I have a new boyfriend and I am moving on to the next episode in my life. You have to realize that I am not a bossy person by nature, quite the opposite -- a bit on the passive side; maybe a bit too passive, always trying to do what people ask, and being told what to do, especially by my husband. For once in my life I want to get a man to please me-- you know? My husband never did anything just for me, certainly not in love-making. For instance, I have very sensitive breasts (but they are tiny) and one time we were about to make love and I asked him to caress them tenderly; he told me that I was flat-chested so I didn't have breasts, and just thrust into me in his usual way. I didn't ask him again. (Our usual foreplay was a tube of KY jelly)
Anyway, I figured that before a man got me into bed he would agree to just about anything. So I planned this -- the next man that seemed promising, I would lead him on and when he talked about making love, I would tell him the rules. I didn't want to have sex, I wanted him to woo me and make love to me, in a slow romantic, fulfilling way, and he would do it my way.
So my new boyfriend, Barry, has been very attentive to me, buying me roses and bringing wine. He seems to me as a very sensitive, caring person; a little shy, someone I can relate to. He is good-looking and a bit taller than me. We have lots in common and are able to talk for hours.
I'll tell you what really turns me on about him: he likes me! I mean not just my looks or my sexuality, or the things we have in common, but the real me, the 'me' that others don't see, the inside me that I hide from others. A man that really likes me, how erotic that is! I feel that I can talk to him about anything and tell him my deepest secrets.
All we had done up to this point was some deep passionate kissing, and it was obvious that he wanted me, and he knew that I wanted him. When Barry asked me to make love, I told him what I wanted. He agreed to my rules, without my giving him any details, but I had it figured out in my head.
I had shopped for some very sexy lingerie and I had stopped in at the sex shop for a few items. He came to the door with a huge bouquet of red roses. I was dressed in my skirt and blouse -- nothing too sexy yet. I started kissing him with passion just while we were standing there in the entrance hall, and I could feel his erection pushing against me.
I touched him with my hand just through his pants and I knew that we were going to have a lot of fun, and then I kissed him some more. His hand moved to my crotch but I moved it away, telling him that he was breaking the rules, and he had to wait until I told him what to do. We went inside and I got some lunch together. I made sure that he stayed excited -- this was part of my plan, to keep him this way as long as I could.