I awoke to complete darkness. So very dark, in fact, that I felt the need to find something, anything visible in the room just to let me know my eyes were still working. I rolled over and searched the void to find the glow of my cell phone charging in its dock, washing a green haze on the wall behind my dresser. The steady whisper of the window fan across the room was the only sound. I fumbled to find my watch on the nightstand -- 3:10 -- then sank back into the pillow and lay facing the ceiling for several minutes staring into the nothingness. My eyelids grew heavier and I was slowly drifting back towards sleep, when suddenly I heard her voice.
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Her name was Julie, and she was an old friend of my ex-wife. Probably in her mid-thirties by now, and as I had learned just hours earlier, fairly recently divorced, Julie is about five and a half feet tall with a slender build. I never considered her to be a knock-out, but then she never seemed to concern herself with makeup and all of the beauty secrets that most knock-outs hide behind. In a word, I would call Julie cute. With warm brown eyes, and straight, sandy-blonde hair, she always seemed very natural in appearance and comfortable in her own skin. Her soft demeanor, slight physique, and bashful tendencies always made her seem more like a teenager than an adult, and I tended to think of her as attractive in an innocent, girlish sort of way. We never really hung out together as couples, but each time I saw her with my wife she seemed really sweet.
I honestly couldn't remember her name when she arrived, suitcase in hand on my doorstep, late that prior afternoon. It had been more than three years since I last saw her, and it took me a minute to make the connection. Her hair was pulled into short pigtails at the time, making her identity a little less obvious to me. Her attire was also a far cry from Julie's traditional skinny jeans and tree-hugging save-the-planet embossed shirts. The girl at my door was wearing (rather short) salmon-pink shorts, a plain tan-colored cotton tee, and white flip-flops. After a friendly "hey there, stranger" she moved forward and gave me a knowing hug and then asked if Diane was at home. Hearing her mention of Diane's name jarred my memory -- ah yes, Julie. I welcomed her inside and then broke the news of our marriage, telling her of Diane's move out of state. Julie was clearly upset to learn of our divorce, but said she understood completely.
After our rather uncomfortable introduction, Julie told me she was in town to interview for a job, and had hoped to surprise Diane, and perhaps spend the night reliving some of the old days. She mentioned her embarrassment in learning that we were no longer together, especially considering that her own separation had finalized only months earlier. Julie was also uncomfortable with her obvious expectation of an overnight stay. She repeatedly apologized for the intrusion and after picking up her suitcase said something about finding a hotel room. But I was more than willing to help her out, and insisted that she was welcomed to use the guest room for the night. She finally relented, and for the first time in several months I had an overnight guest in the house.
I ordered out for pizza, and we sat in the den watching the ballgame with the sound turned down. Julie explained how she had gradually fallen out of touch with Diane after she left town years ago to follow her husband's career. She also told me of the nearby position for which she was hoping to be hired, emphasizing the irony of Diane moving away just as she might be coming back.
Julie and I spent the rest of the evening getting caught up while finishing off a cheap bottle of wine a friend had recently given me for a birthday present. Noting that we suddenly seemed to be in the same boat, we spoke knowingly about life, love, divorce, and the unenviable challenge of starting over.
I hadn't really talked so openly (or at such length) with a woman for a long time, and I have to admit, it felt good. Most of my conversations with Diane during the last years of our marriage were brief and uncaring. But Julie was remarkably easy to talk to, and I couldn't help being drawn to her simple feminine charm. Although I had known about Julie for many years, I never really knew her, and suddenly I was enthralled. She wasn't the shy, unassuming kid that I remembered. She seemed totally at ease in our conversation. Julie was engaging, interesting, and open - even when the subject of sex came around, and somehow it kept coming around.
We talked at length about being single again, and Julie mentioned the "empty bed syndrome" she had experienced since her separation. She joked about how she "probably forgot how, it had been so long". I just laughed, and said I understood completely (boy, did I). Later, she casually joked that she and Diane had done "some really wild things together" years ago, but when pressed for details she refused to give me anything more. She asked if Diane ever mentioned how they had often shared secrets of our marriages, even about our sex lives. I told her I was definitely surprised to hear of it, and that she suddenly seemed to have me at a disadvantage. She smiled broadly, and then with a seductive wink proclaimed that she had "learned a lot about me". But again she refused to go into details.
Julie seemed to be totally enjoying herself, bouncing giddily on the sofa as she provoked me with innuendo, only to repeatedly stop short of any particulars. I found her playful teasing and girlish mannerisms adorable.
Julie became surprisingly relaxed and rather suggestive in her conversation as the wine disappeared. She pulled the bands from her pigtails, freeing her hair. As we talked she repeatedly twisted the short locks playfully around a finger, an apparent habit of comfort, or perhaps nervousness. Surprisingly, I found it to be a bit of a turn on, and I consciously wondered if she suspected as much. At one point in the exchange the steady dialog stalled into one of those uncomfortable pauses where no one says anything. We each made eye contact, and neither of us shied away. We just smiled that knowing smile at each other, and almost simultaneously drew another sip of our wine.
I could definitely feel an attraction between us, but I readily chalked it up to wishful thinking on my part - surely influenced by the combination of her wine consumption and my all-too-obvious loneliness. After all, I reminded myself, she didn't come here to visit me.
Julie seemed to have a sort of accidental sexiness to her, as though maybe she didn't think herself so. Somewhat flat-chested, and except for her long legs and tight bottom, she did not possess a magazine cover sexiness. And yet I found her wildly enticing. But in the moment of the conversation, despite my wine-enhanced seduction, I just couldn't believe this darling "friend of the family", so to speak, was seriously prompting any moves from me. And considering that I am probably at least a dozen years her senior, she seemed really young.
I simply played the role of charming host to the best of my ability, remaining attentive and listening with interest as she spoke mainly about herself. Not wanting to take advantage of the situation, I tried to converse gentlemanly, avoiding the obvious opportunities for come-on lines or sexual advances. I guess we're all a little more respectful and deliberate with people we know than with total strangers.
Now I have to admit, I definitely would have fucked Julie right there on my sofa if the opportunity clearly presented itself. In fact, I spent a good portion of our conversation trying to hide my "hardened" interest, especially later in the evening as Julie's inhibitions retreated. At least twice Julie clearly caught me looking at her legs. She sat lengthwise at one end of the sofa and was repeatedly shifting her position - first drawing her knees up into a hug, then sitting Indian-style for a while, and finally extending her legs out across the cushions. She really did have nice legs -- tanned and toned -- and I longed to run my hands over her silky smooth skin. I found myself having to consciously focus my attention on the conversation, working to hold eye contact as much as possible. She didn't help the situation either. At one point she actually rubbed her thighs while complaining that her new morning workout had left her with some soreness. I was more than just a little distracted, and I think she knew it.
Julie ended the evening, announcing that she needed to "hit the hay" in order to be fresh for her interview in the morning. She stood from the sofa with a yawn, and then walked over to the loveseat where I sat, offering a hug while thanking me for being so hospitable. Fully aware that my persistent hard-on would be very obvious through my lounge pants, I was nonetheless obliged to stand in order to return her hug. She completed the embrace without any indication of noticing, and then continued to the guest room. The sweet, powdery scent of her perfume lingered in the room as I stayed to watch the nightly news broadcast, embarrassed at my uncontrollable adolescent excitement, but also wondering if I had blown an opportunity for love.
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Her sound was muffled at first, almost a gentle sigh. But as I lay there listening through the constant whisper of my bedroom fan, I began to hear the unmistakable sound of Julie's soft voice. And for the next several minutes my curiosity stirred to life. I held motionless, trying to pinpoint my hearing, reaching my senses through the stillness of the room. Another sound, like a sudden short exhale of breath, or a pant, was soon followed by a long moan "hmmmmm".
At first I suspected that Julie was probably talking to someone on her cell phone. But I thought it odd to be calling someone at 3am, and I couldn't resist the temptation to eavesdrop. Preparing to do a little reconnaissance, I rolled out of bed.
With both hands extended in front of me, clad only in my underwear, I made my way through the darkness to find my bedroom door and then silently turned the knob. The hinges, however, betrayed me as they released a low pitched squeak as I opened the door just far enough to get through. Seeing nothing but the glow of the nightlight from the bathroom at the other end of the hallway, I continued toward the guest room. I was surprised to find the door to Julie's room opened, and from my position, carefully peering past the doorjamb, the room appeared completely dark.
Again, I heard another pant clearly coming from inside the room.