Slowly her eyes slide open, flinching slightly at the bright sunlight flooding the room. Slightly dazed and still foggy with sleep, she allows her gaze to roam the room. The space is not immediately familiar. She realises, slowly, that she ought to recognise the place. She realises, too, that she ought to know how she came to be here.
Casting back, she finds she cannot clearly recall the previous evening. Somewhere in her mind there is the feeling that she ought to be concerned, but this small notion is soon overwhelmed by the dominating emptiness. A small thought floats up from the murky depths of her mind, a thought that says:
It is best not to remember. Do not remember; it will only hurt
. All too easily she submits to this idea, and remains empty of thought and feeling.
This is better.
* * *
James finds himself pacing again. As much as things have changed - and changed drastically! - since yesterday, it seems almost the same in its bare bones; he is still fraught with worry; he still desperately needs to talk to Tessa; he still does not know how to resolve the situation. An added worry is that Lilly is set to arrive home from the tour this evening. Somehow he needs to make some progress with Tessa and the situation before then.
If only she'd come out of her room
.
He once more glances anxiously up the stairs at the closed door at its summit. Neither sound nor movement has come from that room since he laid Tessa to sleep in the early hours of the morning. Considering all that Tessa has suffered in the past twenty-four hours, he is loath to wake her before she is ready, and yet they need to reach some kind of resolution. Again he huffs impatiently, grasps his hair with both hands, and continues pacing.
I'm going to go insane if she doesn't come out soon!
* * *
Tessa wakes a second time. The light has dimmed considerably; the bright light of the early morning has given way to dusk's sombre shades. Still feeling disorientated and slightly confused, she wonders what has woken her. As if in answer to her question, a soft knocking comes again from the bedroom door. Tessa is tempted to ignore it - to feign an endless sleep - but her previously lacking sense of responsibility finally reasserts itself, and she realises that she can no longer avoid the waking world.
"Cā," her throat hitches on the word, and she tries to clear it. She refuses to remember why her throat is raw and pained; she clears it a second time instead, and tries again. "Come in."
The door eases open and, as she expected, James's worried face peers through the gap. At the sight of his expression, a helpless sob escapes Tessa. Immediately James rushes into the room and sits next to Tessa, folding his arms around her trembling body. Tessa sobs inconsolably as unwanted memories of the previous evening crash through her mind.
Oh God! Oh God, that really happened! I can't believe that really happened!
Despite her best attempts to deny the memories and the aches in her body, the truth rings true in her mind. Tessa cries with a desolate abandonment that sears James's soul and harrows his heart. He imagines that he has never before heard such pain and suffering in another creature, and it breaks him apart that it is issuing from the woman he loves.
"Sshh, Tess, sshh. It's over now. You're safe. Don't worry, you're safe. I'll never let anything bad happen to you ever again. I promise. I promise."
James maintains his litany of loving, comforting words for an immeasurable amount of time, until it becomes almost nonsensical, but somehow the words don't matter; it's the ardent love in his tone and body that finally reaches Tessa and allows her to rise somewhat out of the depths of her misery. As her tears finally dry, Tessa looks up into James's eyes, and the love she sees there helps to make her stronger, and more capable of facing what has happened.
Sensing this shift in her - this small move towards recovery - James smiles softly at the wonder that is this woman in his arms. Unable to resist his love for her, James dips his head slowly and places a soft, sweet kiss on her lips. Tessa sighs against his lips as she melts into the contact. Somewhere deep inside, she realises that recovery will be possible as long as this man is with her every step of the way, and she is utterly certain that he will be. A calm she thought impossible settles over her, and the slightest hope flares to flame in her heart.
"Thank you, Jem. Thank you for everything. I would never have made it without you. I can never repay you for what you've done for me."
His eyes soften further at her sincere words, and his reply is gruff with emotion. "Oh Tessie, you know you don't need to thank me. It is as natural as breathing to me to protect you, and care for you. I know no other way. And the only repayment I would every want is your love and your heart. If you still feel the same, that is."
Tessa smiles slightly at the sudden uncertainty in his tone - the sort of uncertainty associated with teenage boys approaching their crush for the first time. In response she cups his face gently in her hands, and stares deeply into his eyes. Thusly placed, she replies, "James Morrison, you have always had, and will always have, my love and my heart. There are none but you, and there will never be another but you. I love you, my Jem."
Joy overflows in James's heart to hear these words. Once more, he dips his head to place a kiss on her soft lips. She replies in kind with a stronger kiss on his lips. Unexpectedly, a raw passion blooms in Tessa; there is a need to erase the pain of the previous evening with the love of this man. In reaction to this need, she wraps her arms around his neck and presses herself more firmly against his warm body. James makes a small sound of surprise, but soon has his arms similarly wrapped around Tessa's body, pressing their bodies together even more firmly.
Needing to feel more of him held against her, Tessa gently lies back - allowing James to untangle his arms so that he can brace himself against the bed - until the length of their bodies are flush with each other as they lie on the bed. Tessa pulls James against her even more tightly, until he fears he may crush her with his weight, but somehow she seems happy to carry his body on top of hers. Thus situated, it is impossible for Tessa not to notice James's arousal, but unlike the evening before it fills her with a matching excitement and not dread.
No, stop thinking about that! This is different, completely different. James would never hurt me like that. I can trust him.
So soothed by her thoughts, Tessa easily ignores any and all reminders of the previous night, and loses herself in the moment with James. His mouth on hers is a hot brand that further stokes the flames of her passion. James moans softly as Tessa threads her hands through his hair, dragging her nails against his scalp. He starts moving against her, needing to soothe the ache in his body. She starts moving in sync with him, until their bodies are being dragged together in a sweet rhythm. Suddenly, James stills and rests his face in the nook of Tessa's neck. His ragged breath skates across her skin, sending delicious goosebumps down the length of her body. She stills too, wondering what has caused James to stop.
"Jem, what's wrong?"
"Tessie, I don't know if I can do this. I don't want to hurt you, and it's so soon after last night... I feel ashamed that I want you this much when you must still be in such pain, emotionally and physically. I'm sorry, Tessie."
"No Jem, please. I
