*Hello! Oghma here! This chapter took far longer than I thought. Aside from obvious family obligations and the like, I ended up making it far too long, and by accident ended up writing two chapters. So, the good news is that the next one will be out much faster. Thank you all for waiting, and I'll see you again soon. *
**Disclaimer; Excessive sizes, cumshots, somber subject matter and some fantastical elements ahead. All characters depicted in sexual situations within are of 18 years or older.**
Once again, Matthew found himself in the nighttime desert, surrounded for miles with nothing but untamed wilderness with no clue how he had gotten there. "Marcus!" he called out, his yell echoing through the night air to no avail. Frantically, he looked around him for any signs of his friend. Though Marcus was nowhere to be found, Matthew quickly spotted another figure walking the sands, positioned with their back to him and walking away. "Wait!" he shouted, running over towards them. "Have you seen- "he stopped, his run slowed down to a walk once he was about 10 feet or so behind her. Matthew had immediately recognized the figure; it was the woman in green from before! "You...!" he gasped softly.
"Me." She replied, once again not turning behind to show her face or breaking her stride.
"I remember you. You spoke to me, tried to say something to me but..." he paused, but didn't stop following her. "But it was a dream. So, I...I must be dreaming again." Matthew sighed.
"Perhaps you are." The woman answered. "But why does that matter?"
"Well..." Matthew continued. "If this is a dream, then why should I listen to you? It's just my own brain talking to me isn't it?"
"Maybe so." Matthew swore he saw her shrug, but it was difficult to tell. "But isn't it good to listen to oneself? Perhaps you have more wisdom and knowledge than you think you do, and you just need to block out the noise from others." Matthew's gaze sunk to the ground, it seemed she was as cryptic as ever.
"If that's true, then you're not being very helpful at all." He muttered. "You just keep making me more confused."
"Were you any better off when you were sure of yourself?"
"Honestly?" he asked. Though she didn't turn around, somehow Matthew knew that she was giving him some kind of affirmation. "I don't think I've ever been that sure about anything. I always questioned those biblical stories my dad would read to me as a kid. Stuff like the great flood of Noah or the Tower of Babel just never made sense to me. Boy, did that ever make him mad!" he said with a soft chuckle. "I think the first time I was completely certain about something was..."
"Himawari?" she asked. Matthew stopped in his tracks for a full second in surprise. He soon regained enough composure to resume following the woman.
"How did you know?" he asked.
"Does it not make sense that I would?" she asked him. "If I am just a manifestation of your mind talking to itself, then I should know everything you do. And if I am a divine revelation, then that too would explain it." Matthew was again struck with surprise, as he had only been considering that last explanation. But she wasn't wrong either way.
"Yeah... Himawari" he answered. "While we were...while we were together I... I thought about her all the time. Not just about the ah, well you know." Still kind of timid about the subject even when in the realm of dreamscape. "But when she was gone, I missed her smile, her warmth, her comfort... she soothed my soul like nobody else ever could. I just couldn't bear it when I heard her say she didn't love me."
"Did she really say that?" the woman asked, once again forcing Matthew to pause. Somehow, he was able to dig through his memories and play it back in his mind with perfect clarity.
"Well...no." he admitted sheepishly. "She said I confused her, that she was feeling doubt."
"Much as you are now?" That one struck him hard. "Confusion and doubt are how we find the truth Matthew. If one just asserts something as hard truth without ever questioning it, then they will never truly test it. Perhaps she was confused because she had never felt this way for a man before, much like you were at first."
"That..." Matthew replied. "I guess that makes sense."
"Do you still love her?" she asked. It took Matthew quite a while before he could muster up an answer.
"...Yes. "
"Your feelings haven't changed because of what she told you?"
"No. I mean, I thought for a while that they did. But now that I've been here, I just can't stop missing her. It hurts like nothing I've ever felt before to be apart from her."
"There you have it, your doubt and confusion helped you realize what you really felt." She said. "If you had not gone through this turmoil, you would never have known for certain if your love for Himawari was real." Matthew said nothing for a good while, just followed her footsteps in contemplation.
"So, are you saying everything happens for a reason?" he finally asked in a pleading tone, as if he was seeking a sign of hope.
"That depends on how you look at it I suppose." She told him. "Causality and chaos theory are funny things. When free will and chaos meet, there is no telling what may occur. Each action creates a reaction that leads into another. So yes, in that way everything does happen for a reason, just not necessarily out of intent."
"So, everything is just chaos and random chance?!" Matthew exclaimed, his voice tinged with frustration and disbelief.
"Again, that depends on how you look at it." She replied. "Chaos may influence and direct outcomes, but yet order finds a way." Her hand moved and pointed towards the ground, where a patch of desert grass lay. "Tell me, did someone plant that grass?"
"No, no of course not." Matthew replied. "It just grew there on its own. I dunno how grass reproduces, but nobody planted it."
"And yet it grows, chaos may have brought it to its resting spot but it grows orderly where it lands."
"I don't think I understand." Matthew said, with less frustration than he would have expected to feel.
"Do you need to right now?"
"No... I need to think on it. I need to." He let out another soft laugh. "I need to power through my confusion and figure out what you mean."
"Good!" Matthew heard a twinge of pride in her voice. "You're learning."
"Just one thing..."
"Yes?"
"Who are you?" The woman stopped in her tracks, causing Matthew to do the same. Again, she turned to look at him. But all Matthew managed to see was a flash of scarlet hair before awoken by the alarm.
*
Navigating the seatbelt around her chest had always been a problem for Himawari, but now that her belly was starting to swell with child it became even more troublesome. It wasn't a large baby bump yet, indeed it was hard to notice when she was clothed, only if you rubbed her belly would you realize there was anything growing there. Not that she needed it, since she was sporting that famous pregnant "glow". Still, after much navigation and frustration she was able to click the seatbelt about as comfortably as was possible. It would have to do; a couple hours of discomfort would be a small price to pay for what she hoped to accomplish. "Are you sure you wanna do this Hima?" asked Yukiko, leaning through the open window.