Richard found me propping up the bar in my local, which I must admit is unusual for me, but then life just recently had been unusual. I'd split from my wife a few months earlier and that had just been the first crappy thing in a series. My marriage, or rather the end of it, had affected my work so badly that my sales target hadn't been met and now the company had decided they could do without me. Not only that but my car had been sideswiped by an uninsured driver and was off the road, and now my pet chinchilla had died. That last may sound unimportant, but it was just the last fucking straw and I was drowning my sorrows, thoroughly pissed off with the world.
'You're not going to bring me grief as well are you?' I asked him morosely when he told me that he'd been looking for me.
'Des. Now when would I ever do that?' He grinned and ordered me another drink.
Richard is one of those people who ducks and dives for a living, dealing in whatever he can lay his hands on, always up to something that will make him a little cash, mostly staying on the right side of the law but sometimes straying just a little bit over the border. I've learned to be careful around Richard; he's pulled a fast one on me before. Even so, I couldn't help but like the guy and his straightforwardly crooked approach to life.
'It's been known.' I told him. 'What brilliant, can't fail, money making scheme are you trying to get me involved in this time?'
'None.' His face looked innocently offended. 'But I need a favour, and it'll help you out at the same time.'
'This should be interesting.' I turned to face him. 'Go on.'
'You're on your own, yes?'
'Yes.'
'So you're not getting any, are you?'
'Getting any what?' I had a good idea what he meant as I'd been complaining about a non existent sex life the last time I'd seen him, but I wasn't going to make it easy for him.
'You know what I'm on about.' He frowned. 'Sex. You know, the thing you said you ain't getting.'
'All right, what about it?'
'Well I've got this problem.' His face brightened when he saw my interest perk up. 'I've got a date lined up between these two women and me and a mate of mine. But Josh has broken his arm and so he's had to pull out, and so I thought you might like to take his place. They're in town while their husband's attend some conference or other and they're up for a bit off the locals.'
'So basically you want me to join you on a blind date? Is that it?'
'Yeah, but it's a guaranteed shag. An absolutely cast iron guaranteed shag.'
'So what are they like?' I was interested in spite of myself, or at least my cock was.
'Well.' He hesitated a bit. 'They're a bit older than us, but rich and sophisticated and elegant and gorgeous, and gagging for it.'
'How older?'
Well..., knocking on close to forty, maybe.'
That was quite a bit older, especially if I allowed for his usual bending of the truth. I'd only just crept past my twenty-fifth birthday and Richard was maybe a year or two ahead of me.
'But they're stunning lookers.'
'They'd need to be.' I hesitated, and then made my decision. 'No mate, sorry. I'm skint. I can't afford it.'
'But otherwise you'd be interested?'
'Well yes. You're right when you say I'm not getting any, so if I could afford it I'd be there.'
'Then you're in, 'cos it won't cost you a bean. I'm hoping to get a bit of business from their husbands and so it'll be on me, sort of business expenses, you know?'
I should have smelled a rat about then, but it all sounded plausible enough and so I agreed. We arranged when and where we would meet with our dates and he bought me another drink, slapped me on the back a couple of times and went his merry way.
So a few days later I was sat in the lounge of a top local hotel with him, wearing my best suit and waiting for the two ladies to make an appearance. We didn't have long to wait, because even before the waiter had bought our first drinks they came threading their way towards us. I took one look and made a bet with myself as to which one would be my date.
They were both expensively dressed and the jewellery that glittered around their necks and fingers would have solved all my financial woes in one go and then some. They were also both brunettes, and Richard was nearly right when he said they were both close to forty, although it was actually close from the other side, but there the similarity ended.
One was built like an hourglass, with a breasts and legs to die for, a cloud of jet black wavy hair and a smile that lit up the room. She wore expensive designer clothes with an air of casual confidence as if she were born in them, showing both cleavage and thigh with not a hint of mutton.
The other looked too thin to be just slim and wore her mousy brown hair short and straight. It was impossible to know what sort of figure she had, except to say that it wouldn't be an hourglass, both because she was pretty much straight up and down and because she was the kind of woman who made even the most expensive couture look like Amish cast-offs. It wouldn't have been so bad if she smiled, but she just looked out of place and nervous, although I was sure she must have dined in far swankier places than our local four star.
We both stood as the ladies approached and Richard introduced me. And I was right about the pairing. He sat Judith, the mousy one, next to me and ushered Rosalyn, her more glamorous companion, into the seat beside him. I was already beginning to regret the evening. But I kept telling myself it was a free meal and I wasn't forced to fuck anyone afterwards, and in my parlous state a meal was not to be passed up lightly.
Rosalyn dominated the conversation completely and I can't say I was sorry at first because I had visions of the four of us waiting for our table in an awkward silence, but she filled the void with tales of her husbands company, heating systems apparently, and how it had just amalgamated with Judith's husband's refrigeration engineering concern to make a 'hot and cold impact on the market'. Well, she thought it was witty. But my appreciation of her verbosity didn't last. The trouble was that nobody else could get a word in and we got through to being seated in the dining room without my being able to do more than say hello to my date for the evening. Getting to know her was going to be impossible until her friend ran out of steam.
I had hoped that eating might slow Rosalyn down, but not a bit of it, she simply waved her fork around while chewing and used her knife to emphasise various points in her saga, boring everyone with accounts of monies made by this or that deal and how her husband had gone after contracts that others only dreamed about, with the final result that everyone, apparently even including Judith, was pleased when we finally got to the coffee. I must admit though, I was a bit surprised when Rosalyn immediately held out her card to the waiter to settle the bill rather than letting Richard pay, but by then I'd come to the conclusion that she liked to feel self important. Maybe I'd got the better of the two in the nervously quiet and mousy Judith after all.
'Have you booked two, like I said?' Rosalyn asked Richard finally, nodding contentedly when he fished in his pockets and pulled out two electronic room keys, passing one of them over to me.
'Come on then.' She stood up impatiently. 'Let's get on to the main course.'
Judith looked at me as if to say she'd prefer a little more decorum, and I shrugged back in agreement.
The journey up in the lift was even worse, with Rosalyn making it clear in no uncertain terms what she expected from Richard, and by the time we reached our floor we were all squirming with embarrassment, although she didn't seem to notice. It was a relief to swipe the key down the door and get into the comparative silence of the bedroom. I felt sorry for Richard and just hoped he'd find something suitable to stuff into her mouth. I was sure he would.
I turned to speak to Judith, but before I could get a word out she held up a silencing hand.
'Before anything else.' She began. 'I need to explain. I've been married for over twenty years and never, ever, been with another man in all that time. But Derek, my other half, is older than me and he has prostate problems, so I've not had sex for nearly two years and I do miss it. This was Roz's idea, she talked me into it and I'm not sure if I can actually do it. I want to, but I'm not sure I can go through with it. I hope you understand if nothing happens?'
We were two of a kind then, although I didn't say so, both of us bulldozed by more assertive friends into a liaison we weren't sure about. I felt an immediate connection with her words.
'Of course.' I told her, smiling reassuringly. 'I understand better than you think. We don't have to do anything. In any case I've just...'
I was about to explain about my situation when her hand came up again, silencing me in mid flow.
'I don't want to know anything about you.' She told me. 'I know your name and that's all I need. It'll be easier for me if you remain anonymous. You can understand, can't you?'
It was a bit strange, but if it eased her conscience and made her happier, then that was all right by me. Yes, if that's what you want, that's fine.'
'Can we get just into bed and perhaps just have a cuddle?' She asked. 'And if anything else happens, then it happens.'
I wasn't used to my partner making the running, especially when the running was at such a slow trot, but it was better than frightening her off, so I nodded and smiled and she turned her back.
'Unzip me then.'
