The Beautiful Game

I always liked to arrive about an hour before kick-off, I found it helped me to get a feel for the place, to think about the two sides who were playing that day. Today had the prospect of a real humdinger, a local derby between two sides in the lower leagues, both with a reputation for getting a little aggressive. The referee was going to have his work cut out to keep a lid on the emotions that were going to be flying high. I should know, I was the referee.

I had a proper job of course, but had been working my way through the referee ranks for about 10 years now ever since I'd hung up my playing boots. I was probably, actually almost certainly, never going to be a top League ref, but I'd achieved quite a bit and enjoyed being the man in black.

Most of the time that is, you had to have a thick skin, part of the game was abuse of the referee, mostly by the crowd, but also by the players. That was the difference between rugby and football, the former a hooligan's game played by gentlemen, the latter a gentleman's game played by hooligans.

Tempers flared, but differences were usually settled quickly, everyone knew how the game was played and although the envelope could be well and truly stretched sometimes, by and large we all got on in the end. Hopefully today was going to go well, the ground wasn't top class and as I was shown into the Officials' changing room I shivered, clearly the heating wasn't working properly and I just hoped that the showers were hot. It was a nasty, cold day and although we'd be OK running around, the forecast was for rain later in the match.

One of my Assistants turned up and we shook hands, his name was Neil and we'd officiated a couple of times before, he was solidly competent and had a reputation for not taking prisoners. To my mind he was a bit too free and easy with yellow and red cards, but we all had our own style. Today he was just running the line and we sat and chatted as we waited for our other colleague to arrive.

The shrill ringing of my phone interrupted us and I answered it. Bad news. The other Assistant had a severe stomach upset and had withdrawn, but the good news was they were sending a replacement who should be here in good time. We started to change into our black strip and I checked on all my kit, whistle, spare whistle, yellow and red cards, pencil, running through my mental checklist.

I'd just finished when there was a knock on the door and a young woman's head poked round the corner. "Sorry Love," said Neil, "this is the Officials' changing room, the Ladies loos must be somewhere else."

"Yes," she said, "that's what I'm looking for, the changing room that is, I'm the replacement Assistant."

"But you're a woman." protested Neil rather obviously.

"Good observation skills, but does not having a penis preclude me from being a good referee? I assure you, when necessary I do have balls."

I looked her over, she was smartly dressed in trousers and a bolero type jacket, blond shoulder length hair swirling round her face and from what I could see a rather attractive body. I stood and held out my hand, "I'm David and the dinosaur beside me is Neil. Welcome and thank you for standing in at short notice. I'm afraid I don't know where the Ladies' changing room is, but I'm sure there must be one somewhere in this day and age."

"'Fraid not." came a disjointed voice from behind her, "This is all we've got." I looked around, a few benches and just off the small room an alcove with four shower heads, and on the other side a urinal and a door presumably containing a toilet.

"Well this will just have to do, won't it? I'm Vanessa by the way." We all shook hands as she came in carrying her change bag.

"Look, we're ready, why don't we step out and you can change. Time's getting a bit short so we need to get a move on if we're going to kick off on time."

Vanessa dropped her bag and removed her jacket revealing a rather fetching pair of breasts under a tight fitting jumper and I had to tear my eyes away as Neil and I made our way out. We stood awkwardly just outside and waited as I looked at my watch.

"At least she's got a nice pair of tits." commented Neil. I pretended I hadn't noticed and said that I just hoped she was competent, it wasn't going to be an easy match and I needed two sharp Assistants if we were to keep control.

Our musings were interrupted as the door opened and Vanessa emerged. She looked even more fetching in her kit, nicely toned legs and she'd tied her hair back in a ponytail which accentuated her pretty face which, I noticed, was devoid of make-up.

There was no fanfare greeting the teams at this level and I saw that they were both out already, kicking the ball around to keep warm on what was turning out to be a cold, damp day. The crowd was getting restless and it appeared that a couple of thousand had braved the weather, split roughly two thirds home supporters and one third away.

As we emerged I heard an incredulous voice from one of them, "Fuck me, it's a fucking woman." Everyone seemed to be staring at Vanessa who was completely ignoring the attention being paid to her. The captains came up and I tossed the coin, then all three of us shook hands with the two of them, both seemingly feeling more than a little befuddled and awkward at the presence of a woman Official. I began to wonder if perhaps it would have a calming effect on the male egos, or if it would inflame them.

Any illusions I had were soon destroyed, the language was as ripe as ever and the calls from the crowd were soon exhorting her to go home and get the dinner ready and of course, frequent calls for her to 'show us yer tits.' I kept a patriarchal eye on her and was pleased that she kept up with the game well and was making quick, sound decisions and I began to relax a little. The insults seemed to wash over her, although she must have heard them all, but even I was starting to feel a little embarrassed on behalf of the male of the species, and when one of the players actually called her a 'fucking stupid cunt' I did intervene, providing a severe warning and making him apologise.

Despite the heightened emotions and expectations of the derby, the game was poor as they often are, and when I blew for half time with the score 0-0 we all filed off, the players heading for their dressing rooms and the three of us for the Officials' changing room. It hadn't warmed up any, but after the freezing air outside it seemed almost balmy.

I reached into my bag and pulled out a flask of tea and three cups. I'd experienced many days like this before and a cuppa always went down well on a cold day.

"David, you're a life saver, don't suppose there's any brandy in it is there?" asked Neil as he cupped his hands round the plastic cup.

"'Fraid not, just a bit of sugar."

"Just how I like it," said Vanessa gratefully sipping at the steaming liquid.

"Don't you get upset with all the insults and swearing?" I asked.

"I'd like to say I'm used to it, and in part I am, but I choose to ignore them, it's part of the game and if men want to let off steam in that way then let them get on with it. I bet at home they're all meek and mild and under their wife's thumb. Right, I just need a pee before we go out again." She stood and went over to the closed door and peered in, pulling a face before going in and closing the door. Neil and I just sat and looked at each other as we heard the sound of pee hitting water, both of us feeling more than a little embarrassed at our apparent aural voyeurism.

The toilet flushed and she re-appeared, "That's better, no chance of an accident now." Together we finished our tea and headed back out.

The weather had taken a distinct turn for the worse and it was now raining and after even the meagre warmth of the changing room it felt freezing. "Come on Ref!" I was exhorted, "Let's get a fucking move on." I blew the whistle and we were off again.

If at all possible the match got worse, not aided by the deteriorating conditions, players slipping and sliding everywhere, clumsy tackle followed by clumsy tackle and I had to reach for my yellow card more than once. The crowd were getting restless at the lack of goals and I could see things getting a little nasty.

A scuffle broke out, a case of handbags and as I rushed over I saw Vanessa wading in, separating the posturing players and I was most impressed at her fearlessness and tenacity. We broke it up and after a stern talking to, the match restarted.

And then the deadlock was broken, the home side scored to go 1-0 up with only ten minutes to go. Personally I couldn't wait to blow the final whistle. I was soaked to the skin and frozen and all I wanted was to get in a nice hot shower and go home to wrap myself round a nice bottle of red wine.

Into stoppage time and the visitors broke, a clever move down the wing and I saw Vanessa haring down the touchline, flag grasped firmly in her hand. A fabulous cross and the visiting striker slid it beautifully into the corner of the net. One third of the crowd went wild, the other went very, very quiet, then I saw Vanessa's flag go up for offside.

It was a tight call, but I was right up there and from my perspective it was a clear offside and I had no choice but to disallow the goal.

Needless to say that didn't go down at all well with the visiting fans, their bubble of jubilation pricked, much to the glee of the home supporters. At least the away fans would be released from the ground before we got out so wouldn't have to run the gauntlet of their tribalism when we left. The match kicked off again and thirty seconds later I blew the final whistle. The three of us clustered together as we were mobbed by players of both teams, one set baying at the blatantly incorrect decision, the other congratulating us on our officiating skills.

Slowly the hub-hub died down and we were able to make our way inside. Outside the changing room we paused, staring at each other. I looked at Vanessa's blue lips and made the decision, "You go in and have a shower Vanessa, Neil and I will wait out here." Neil looked at me as though I was out of my mind.

"No, there's two of you and you'll take less time than me so you go in first."

We argued back and forth before she finally said, "There's only one way to settle this and that's for all three of us to shower at the same time." There was stunned silence as she continued, "I grew up with three brothers, so I've seen more than my fair share of cocks, and I'm pretty used to being stared at. I really don't mind if you don't." We were all shivering violently by this time and were in danger of death by hypothermia if we didn't find some resolution. I looked at Neil who shrugged then opened the door and we followed her in.

I made for the showers and turned them on then backed away while they warmed up. Off came our boots and socks, dropped in a sodden pile on the floor then Vanessa stood and peeled off her black shirt, underneath was a black thermal vest which came off to reveal a pale pink bra. I couldn't help staring and nor could Neil. She clearly got the wrong end of the stick, "I like pink!" she defended her choice of colour, "I'm a girl."

"So we'd noticed." commented Neil.

She reached behind her and unsnapped her bra, then without any hesitation whatsoever, she dropped it from her shoulders. Her breasts were magnificent, albeit covered in goose pimples, her nipples like tiny hard bullets, but magnificent was the only word to describe them, perfectly formed with a slight upturn and just the right size for a man's hand. She ignored our stares and shimmied down her shorts, kicking the wet garment away with her feet. The pink of the thong matched her bra perfectly, but it was evident for just a second as down it came and then she was stark naked before our goggling eyes. She had a neat triangle of hair between her legs and I couldn't really see her pussy but my brain knew it was there and my cock twitched.

She stepped under the shower and looked back at us, the water cascading down her naked body, "Come on boys, the hot water won't last for ever." We scrabbled off our remaining kit and headed for the shower to join her. I looked down at Neil's cock and saw that it was just the same as mine, shrivelled and tiny. I felt a little embarrassed as Vanessa's eyes dropped to it, "They don't like the cold much do they?" she commented.

The water felt heavenly, we hadn't got it too hot, but as we warmed up we slowly turned the temperature up and steam began to billow out. "That's better." said Neil and I presumed he was referring to the shower rather than his cock which, like mine was starting to show signs of life by returning to it normal flaccid size.

The problem was that it didn't stop there and continued to grow until we were both sporting erections. We'd naturally turned away from Vanessa who either hadn't seen the state we were in or was ignoring us as she began to wash her hair, the soap suds running over her body in the most appealing manner. I wasn't accustomed to seeing other men's erections and was pleased to see that our cocks were of a similar size.

I turned to reach for some shower gel and saw Vanessa liberally coating her body in it, running her hands over her breasts and then between her legs, rubbing vigorously to get a good lather on her pubes. If at all possible my cock got harder as she grinned at me and turned away herself. I squirted the gel over my hands and began to wash myself down, studiously avoiding my cock. It wasn't as though it needed cleaning, I'd showered that morning and had cleaned carefully under the foreskin as was my daily habit.

Then the inevitable happened, I turned just as she dropped her hand and it collided with my cock. "Sorry," we both said at the same time, but to my amazement she didn't remove her hand, instead slipping her hand round it and slowly running it along its length. "That's a nice cock, your wife must enjoy that." she said.

"I don't have a wife." I managed as I took in the sensation of an attractive, naked woman fondling me.

"Girlfriend?" she enquired lifting one eyebrow. I shook my head. "Gay?" Neil lifted his head at that.

"Definitely not." Then you won't mind if I play with it for a bit. It doesn't do for men to leave erections untended you know." I did know, having suffered from blue balls several times. She started to stroke me, sliding her hand up and down, stretching the skin to expose then hide my glans as the pleasure started to course through my body.

"Me neither," said Neil moving closer to Vanessa although I knew for a fact he was married with a couple of kids, but I wasn't going to spoil his party. Vanessa took him in her other hand and skilfully began to stroke us in tandem.

I wondered where she'd learned to do that and as if reading my mind, said, "I told you, three brothers."

"Christ!" interjected Neil, "What did the third one get?" She gave him a dirty look and I was glad that he'd come out with it before I could. It was most pleasant standing there getting a handjob from Vanessa, even if Neil was there as well, as I'd said I was completely unattached and aside from the odd occasional overnight company, only had recourse to my own hand for relief and I wanted it to go on forever.

Vanessa brought us back to reality, "Hurry up boys, the water won't go on for ever and I don't want to be standing in a cold shower. Play with my tits if it helps." It did, both of us cupping one in a hand. The feel matched the look, it felt so firm underneath and I ran my hand round it, testing the weight then gently squeezing it. Her nipples had gone from tiny bullets in the cold to round and pale pink, the soft areola spreading over the end of each breast and I tweaked it gently with my fingers.

"Careful," she warned, "if you keep doing that we'll be going down a road that I don't think we should be." Suitably chastised I refrained, but my mind started to think about the street map. There was a groan from beside me and I looked round to see Neil's cock erupting, cum spurting from the end, some of it finding its way onto Vanessa's lower body and legs and then running in rivulets down her legs and away.

She released him and turned directly to face me, using her free hand to cup and fondle my balls. I still had one hand on her breast and almost without thinking slipped the other one down and between her legs encountering the soft folds of her pussy. I expected to be admonished severely but she just smiled at me as my fingers began to explore along her slit. I was summoning up the courage to slip a finger inside her when I felt it, welling up deep inside me and then I was cumming hard.

Vanessa pulled me into her body and my cock was trapped between us, pulsing and throbbing as jet after jet of spunk was trapped between our bodies, then she released me and stepped back allowing the globules of white cum to be washed away.

"Right," she commanded brusquely, "now that we're all properly warmed up, let's get dried off and get out of this shit hole. They haven't even got a hairdryer." Neil grinned and ran his hand over his bald head.

"Don't need one Ness." Ness? Where had 'Ness' come from?

She began to rub herself briskly all over with a large towel, something almost as erotic as watching her with the shower gel. Satisfied that her body was dry at least, if not her hair, she pulled a pair of ordinary panties out of her bag and pulled them on, followed by a bra as I bade farewell to her breasts and pussy.

"I know, they don't match," She forestalled any smart comment I might have been about to make, "but I didn't anticipate having to undress and shower in front of a couple of perverts when I got ready this morning." The grin on her face and the twinkle in her eye belied the apparent harshness of her words.

Neil had gone very quiet suddenly and I wondered if he was starting to regret what he had done. Even I was beginning to wonder if it had been the wisest of things to do, sexual harassment suits had been started over much less. Vanessa didn't seem the type, but one never knew.

I dried and dressed, finishing just as Neil was putting his coat on. "I'm off then David, enjoyed working with you today. Nice to meet you Vanessa, hope to see more of you again." He went bright red as he realised what he'd said, then turned tail and made a hasty exit. Vanessa turned to me and met my eye, then we both burst out laughing. We finished up and headed out into the cold. It had pretty much stopped raining but it was not a night to be out for long, and we pulled our collars up and made for the car park.

"Where are you parked David?" I pointed in the rough direction, past several cars whose owners were presumably still enjoying a beer or two in the club bar.

"Not in the Match Officials' reserved spaces?" she asked, puzzled.

"You didn't did you? You did a great job out on the pitch today but that is a rookie mistake."

"Why?" she asked innocently.

"Come with me." She followed as I strode off in the direction of the reserved spaces. "Is that yours?" she nodded. "Take a closer look."

"Fucking bastards!" The car seemed to be sitting a bit lower and as we got closer we could confirm that all four tyres had been slashed and was clearly going nowhere more that day. She stood and ran her fingers through her still damp hair, a look of despair on her face.

"Do you have breakdown cover?" She confirmed she did. "Right, let's get on to them and get this sorted." She made an effort and visibly pulled herself together then got her phone out and dialled.

A few minutes later she put the phone away, "They'll be about an hour, but all they can do is transport me and the car to the tyre place, hopefully they'll still be open then. Thanks for your help David, you get off and I'll wait in the car."

"Don't be silly Vanessa, I'll stay with you and we'll go and see if we can beg a drink from the club bar. It'll be warm in there and I've a feeling we might actually be welcome after your late offside call."