Split Tree Resort Wedding 02

Split Tree Resort Wedding 02

Hy there, it's me, Nate and I'm opening this segment with the story that I'm sticking with. So, I arrived early at the Split Tree Resort and took the time to check out the outdoor wedding venue and found it to be already setup with the white chairs, the everlasting love banners, the magical and mysterious arch where the ceremony would be spoken under and it all looked perfect. But what I didn't know before was that just to the west of the tree lined grassy ceremony area was a babbling or bubbling brook. Which was cool, but what was even cooler, was the wooden arched walking bridge over the babbling and bubbling brook, which would be amazing for after ceremony photos. And the story that I'm sticking with is how I only photographed the wooden arched walking bridge was to convince my grandfather that his railroad tie bridge over his water shed ditch in his farm's back forty, was a little outdated.

[A lovely late Friday afternoon down at the Split Tree Resort on the scenic view arched wooden walkway bridge over the bubbly and babbling brook during the fading sunlight, photo snap, photo snap]

"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, I can feel someone lurking behind me as I gaze out across the resort's scenic grounds from this fancy walking bridge, mm-hmm, so confess who you are so that I don't even need to turn around, mm-hmm, confess!"

[She leans even more forward over the railing further]

"[Photo snap, snap] it's me, Mrs. Carlson, Nate, Nate Nathans and I'm just taking a few photos of the scenic view and the arched bridge, just the same as you're gazing across the scenic view [snap, snap], while sexy posing on the wooden walkway in a sundress, so?"

"Mm-hmm, I bet you are enjoying the view, Nate, mm-hmm, from behind me! Is the setting sunlight making my sundress a little transparent, Nate, hmm?"

[Turning around must be overrated because that hasn't happened yet]

"[Photo snap, snap] is transparent exactly the same as hot, alluring and seductive, Mrs. Carlson? And since your face is not visible to my phone camera, can I get a little resort weekend lift of the rear of your sundress, huh?"

[Whoa, a tease shuffle back and forth of the lower hem, but not a lift]

"Mm-hmm and I promise you, Nate, mm-hmm, if I lift the rear of my thin sundress, mm-hmm, the workers will have to replace the sign that says, mm-hmm, "use handrails" with a new sign that says "arched bridge closed for wide load reinforcement construction", mm-hmm!"

"[Photo snap, snap] well, just as long as wide load is exactly the same as what men want, Mrs. Carlson, mm-hmm [snap, snap]"

[A slight lift of the evening sundress in the setting sunlight]

"[Photo snap, snap] OMG, I don't see undies, Mrs. Carlson! [Snap, snap], prove me wrong, Mrs. Carlson [snap, snap, snap, snap of the slightly exposed lower globes]"

"Mm-hmm, thongs are funny that way, Nate, mm-hmm, especially when I went the way of the younger girls since I'm on a resort weekend and shopped in the dental floss with undies area, mm-hmm."

[A slightly higher lift of the rear of the evening sundress because Nate asked for prove and guys always get what they want, mm-hmm!]

"[Photo snap, snap] just a little higher, Mrs. Carlson and give the camera a quick look back with one eye through the flowing curls in your hair [snap, snap]"

[Well, a little higher, halfway up, it's all the same thing! But it was a quick flash]

"Mm-hmm, that's enough for now, mm-hmm because my hubby will come looking for me soon to attend the wedding rehearsal and dinner in the Community Hut, mm-hmm. Also, mm-hmm, let's cut to the chase, Nate, mm-hmm because it's my understanding that you're the one who is responsible for my daughter, mm-hmm, Carlie, getting her own private cabin for the entire weekend, mm-hmm, with your resort woman's daughter, Billie Maye, mm-hmm!"

"[Photo snap, snap] aw, come on, Mrs. Carlson, they are both very good girls and this resort is quite secluded, so [snap, snap], everything will be fine [snap, snap]."

[One deep lean over with a leg kicked up and back]

"Mm-hmm, well, actually, Nate, I agree with that and it's best that my daughter doesn't have to put up with her father trying to argue with me all weekend, but, mm-hmm, I might just be talk stalling while I figure out how bad it's going to be if I do bend over this arched bridge railing later tonight for you while your woman's arrival has been announced as a slight delay, so, we can keep talking until my steroids limp dick hubby finds me, mm-hmm."

"[Photo snap, snap] oh, um, this is in my favor then, Mrs. Carlson because Head Clinic Nurse Millie's arrival is more than delayed because a bimbo arch rival of Attendant Nurse Mitzi went into the Clinic this morning and tried to mix it up with Attendant Nurse Mitzi and then Attendant Nurse Mitzi turned the tables on her arch rival and chest planted two energized defibrillator paddles straight down on the other bimbo's implants and they exploded through her nipples and squirted saline solution fluid everywhere! And now, mm-hmm, Head Clinic Nurse Millie has to work the weekend at the Clinic because, mm-hmm, Attendant Nurse Mitzi is cooling her 6-inch stiletto heels off in the hoosegow."

"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, so, um, what we're saying is that you've possibly been left sexually high and dry all resort weekend then, Nate, hmm?"

"[Snap, snap] and, and, and, I'm afraid of skin discoloration in some places, Mrs. Carlson [snap, snap], so?"

[Lifts the rear of the sundress again since she's not going to turn around on the lookout walkway]

"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, exploding bimbo firehose nipples, mm-hmm, bluish discoloration in some places, mm-hmm, booty photos that can't be shared, mm-hmm, no things going bump in the dark after the rehearsal dinner, mm-hmm, I do declare, I do, I do, how would I live with myself if I didn't provide some relief of your man issues sometime after the rehearsal dinner, hmm, Nate?"

[Lifts the sundress up and over the booty]

"[Photo snap, snap] Mrs. Carlson, I'm..."

"Mm-hmm, just stop talking, Nate and step forward with the boner that you've rubbing while we've been sex talking and measure us up because this is the place and the exact pose that you'll find me in just as soon as the rehearsal dinner is over later tonight, mm-hmm!"

Well, maybe some people have eyes in the back of their head because Mrs. Carlson had yet to turn around. Unless I was rubbing my lifted sundress boner harder than I thought I was.

"Honey? Carol? Carol, where are you? You said you were going to gaze out at the, um, the scenic tree lines and grassy areas, so, Carol?"

And I guess some other people just know how to spoil a moment.

"[Cheek smooch] find me later after the rehearsal dinner, Nate, and mm-hmm, don't share those photos with anyone, mm-hmm, especially from my daughter, mm-hmm, because I'll never live that down and that girl has enough dirt on me as it is!"

But I managed to get that measurement, which was, mm-hmm, perfect.

"Oh, there you are (you slut), honey! We need to get back to the cabin to start arguing and bicker because the rehearsal dinner starts soon and we're losing valuable time to fight over why our daughter has her own, mm-hmm, cabin this weekend, which is, of course, as always, is all your fault (bitch)! And who is this young stud, huh? Because we can argue about that too!"

"Mm-hmm, Harold, mm-hmm, this is Nate and I was just modeling on this arched bridge for him so he had a focus point to make sure the bride and groom photos tomorrow are perfect, mm-hmm. And his fingers are only wet because he dipped them into my babbling brook, I mean, the, the, the babbling brook, the end (wet noodle puke)!"

"Ah-hah (cheating Ho!) This is a bubbling brook and not a babbling brook, so, hah! But good job, sonny, because Ray and Kim should have a nice memory photo album. Anyways, get back to the cabin as soon as you can, Carol so we can fight because, mm-hmm, that's right, I'm attending the cigar smoking affair with the men after the rehearsal dinner, mm-hmm!"

"Hah (faggot), what a coincidence then, Harold, because, mm-hmm, that's right, I'm going to puff on a cigar myself after the rehearsal dinner, mm-hmm, right here on the very arched bridge, mm-hmm (you cucked fuck faggot!)"

Note to self, um, marriage can wait.

"Quick fuck me, Nate and crust up my thighs with your juice!"

Um and some things couldn't wait.

[Front desk bell ring a ding, ding, ding] hello?"

[Swishes around from small rear front desk wall]

"[Tap, tap, tap] hi, I'm Twiddle Dee from the front desk here at the Split Tree Resort and I've let my hair grow longer and I added one long curl on each side because I've been guest hosting at Kandi's Korner nightclub up in the big city on Wednesday nights and I'm actually happy to report that it was me who broke off my eggs & bacon relationship, but only because his momma scolded me to mind my P&Q's with our PDA and it doesn't matter that so many hot guys hit on me and hit on me hard while I was directing traffic during Glam Goth night in the big city nightclub, but I look forward to someone's ying finding my yang soon, mm-hmm. And I already gave you your cabin keycard, so, are you back to hit me because that's a real thing now, hmm?"

"Um, wow, um, um, Twiddle Dee, um, I'll quickly admit that I gave you a couple of glances inside of Kandi's Korner nightclub, but um, um, I'm..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, you're Nate Nathans, the Nate Nathans who is spoiling the two hot girl guests with a e-phone22 each, mm-hmm and hot as fuck Denim minis for our staff mixer tonight, mm-hmm! Did you also pick out the color undies that they might peep tonight, hmm, because their minis are that mini and our dance parties are all that, so?"

"I mean, oh and wow again because I suggested satin white for Billie Maye to match her pure heart and satin red for Carlie because that's what Carlie texted me to suggest for her and mm-hmm, I selected turquois for you, Twiddle Dee because that's what the sticky note on my cabin pillow said to suggest since I also gifted you a Denim mini because that's what it said to do at the bottom of the reservation conformation e-mail that I received a few days ago, so?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, in other words, mm-hmm, you got it right, Nate Nathans! Now, I'm not ignoring why you came to front desk in the first place, Nate Nathans, but is my e-phone22 on express delivery?"

You know folks, holiday spending during a resort weekend can get expensive. And I hadn't even hit the tourist trap shops up in town yet!

"Well, I'm not saying anything, Twiddle Dee, but a certain friend that I know might be on his way with an extra e-phone22 for a certain person who is impossible to fight with or ignore, but I might be saying that the answer to your eggs and bacon failed relationship might be in the form of a vroom and zoom kind of guy because Duke Dukeman rides a motorcycle and he's on his way here at high speed, so?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, I remember Duke Dukeman from the club up in the big city and he was perfectly shy, mm-hmm, like me, so? I also remember that his long hair needs a good washing, so, is there any such thing up in the big city girlfriend rulebook that says a bikini car wash and a bikini hair washing are the same thing, hmm, Nate Nathans?"

"I mean, it's exactly the same thing, especially between two extremely shy people, so, does that mean that my acquaintance friend, Duke Dukeman, has a date to attend the staffers only party later tonight, huh? Otherwise, he might drop off the gift e-phone and turn around and head back up to the big city, so?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, mm-hmm, isn't it a big city rule that the guy chooses, hmm?"

"Oh, Duke Dukeman will choose you alright, Twiddle Dee, because..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, just stop talking, Nate because while you're making your way through the wedding MILF guests tonight, mm-hmm, I'll be busy filming a bikini shampoo hair washing commercial with Duke Dukeman, mm-hmm, in your cabin because we're sold out for the weekend, mm-hmm!"

[The Split Tree Resort lobby doors swing open and in walks, um, shuffle steps in, um, a mummy?]

"Hi, am I next sweetie because I'm Mrs. Rivers and I'm so uptight that I always wear two pairs of undies, pantyhose and a body suit with a double thick reinforced bra under it, a tight business skirt well below my knees and a matching jacket, which covers up my blouse that is buttoned up to my chin and my uptight fashion choices actually prevent me from being able to bend over or even walk. But I'm a total pig slut after hours and I passed by a cheap no tell motel up in town and I thought I might stay there since I'm not the maid of honor anyways and so that all the local men can have their way me with their uncontrollable sex urges and write pig slut on my face with a Sharpie, so, what cabin cancellation fee will I be charged, hmm?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, I'm Twiddle Dee from the resort's front desk and SOB, I'm about to pass out over hearing all that because I'm so shy! [Tap, tap, tap] cancellation fee waved and waved big time! [Tap, tap, tap] have a nice, um, goodbye!"

[The wrapped up tight mummy lady shuffles steps out of the lobby with must be the tightest booty ever!]

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, mm-hmm, Nate, I don't see you texting for Duke Dukeman to hyper drive his motorcycle because mm-hmm, he has a cabin to wash his..."

[Vroom, roar, vroom, roar, kickstand park, kickstand park]

"[Lobby doors fling open] man, I ate so many bugs driving hyper speed down Highway-31 that I don't need lunch! But I could use a shower since what bugs I didn't swallow ended up in my masculine long flowing hair, so, I'm glad you're here, Nate, because I need a shower!"

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, mm-hmm, hi, I'm Twiddle Dee from the resort's front desk, mm-hmm and we've met before up in the big city nightclub, mm-hmm and I just had a cabin cancellation, mm-hmm and..."

"Oh, pardon my interruption, Twiddle Dee from the resort's front desk because what I think what you meant to say was "hi, I'm Twiddle Dee from the resort's front desk, mm-hmm, first of her name, breaker of men's hearts, mother of the hands-on hips stance while rejecting guy's with your eyes, mm-hmm, master at wearing a leg slit skirt, mm-hmm, owner of impossibly sized thighs and a new e-phone22 and new girlfriend of motorcycle Duke" or I mean, something like that, so, um, go on then, Twiddle Dee."

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mom! I mean, Gift Shop Glenda, I need backup at the front desk! And the name of the wedding planner company that our happy couple hired for their destination wedding this weekend! And extra towels! And lock Housekeeping Maria in a closet! Mom!"

[Scurries from the gift shop towards the front desk]

"Mm-hmm, I'm here, Twiddle Dee sweetie (whew, somebody here needs a shower), mm-hmm, so, how can I help everyone, hmm?"

Twiddle Dee scurries her new big city boyfriend, Duke Dukeman, out of the side door]

"Oh, that would be me, Luke Lukeman and I'm with Duke Dukeman, wherever he was just taken to and um, I need a bug removal shower as well because..."

"[Scurries in from the side] mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, I'm Housekeeping Maria, mm-hmm and it's casual Friday, so that's why I wearing the extra towels instead of my uniform, mm-hmm, so?"

"[Mom Gift Shop Glenda, tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, next!"

"(Chuckles) I actually forget why I came into the lobby in the first place, Gift Shop Glenda, so?"

"[Mom Gift Shop Glenda, tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, mm-hmm, was it to borrow a screwdriver, Mr. Nate because one of the screws in my head is way too tight and I have this thing, thing, thing, mm-hmm, about getting to know someone on the hay bales in the hay bales barn cabin, mm-hmm, so?"

Oh, well then, since there was more than an hour until the wedding rehearsal dinner started and all, right?

End Split Tree Resort Wedding 02