I might need the help of the ladies on this one. I need a phrase or a word for a certain type of woman, a type of woman that gives us guys fits, but we have no good word for. In fact I am not quite sure how to even describe it without in some way sounding negative. Stick with me here, I do mean well.
When guys get together to talk about women, we, of course, compare notes. And not just with the women we know, but any women we have seen. For the most part us guys are shallow creatures that think of beauty in conventional ways, usually whoever the media has told us is "hot." For the most part this means a younger, top heavy woman without blemish. When a guy sees such a woman he drools, just like Pavlov's dogs. But we get into to trouble when a woman who doesn't fit that mold does something for us. Mention the name of someone who doesn't fit that profile and describe her as "hot" and all your friends will look at you funny.
So I never know how to describe such a woman with one or two words. Beautiful is good, but only conjures up the media triad for most people. Attractive is a perfect word -- I am attracted to an attractive woman -- unfortunately, though, it is often used by guys to describe women who they feel are just a little prettier than one "with a good personality." So how to describe a woman, who while not fitting into mold of a typical "beauty", who none the less sends a jolt of nervous electricity straight from your brain to your groin?
Shannon is just such a woman. She works at a local grocery store and the first time I saw her, I felt the jolt. Felt the jolt strong. But other than being young, she does not fit the general description of "hot."
Shannon is a bit on the large side, but very shapely. Shapely, but not at all top heavy. Her face is round and broad, but always with a smile. Her hair is red, somewhere between a carrot top and auburn. It is very curly, but she usually wears it pulled back in clip. The clip can never seem to contain her curls, so they spill over her forehead and back, making her look like she has just completed a secret tryst. She has deep brown eyes. Oh yeah, she also has braces. Probably, the only girl in her college class that has them. And freckles. Lots and lots of freckles on her face and arms. Perhaps many guys would not give her a second look, but to me, she engenders pure lust. Every time.
Although her looks began my appreciation, her personality cemented it. She's funny, smart as a whip and sweet as honey. I always chose her checklane. About the third time she checked me out (as I was checking her out, yet again) I stared at the name tag on her chest. After a moment, she looked at me quizzically and I said "Shannon...that's a pretty name...what do you call the other one?" Before you could go be-dum-pum, she shot back with "Perky. Shannon and Perky, my two best friends." If only I was as quick witted as her, I could have asked her and her friends out for a drink, but I missed my chance.
We had many such exchanges while I bought milk, bread or whatever -- almost every day, in fact. But then she was promoted to "customer service manager." Which meant she cashed checks and such for people. Suddenly, I had no need for my bank.
She must have known, that my presence was more than just a happy accident. But I was never sure. There is a 20 year age difference between us, and I have never been good at reading women. So the night that I felt an extra surge of courage or maybe just plain lust, was certainly out of character.
I was driving home after a late meeting and was just about to pass the store when I noticed that the parking lot was virtually empty. Not too surprising a forty-five minutes before closing time on a weeknight. I swung in. I saw Shannon at her counter before I even got in the store. I could already feel my scrotum tightening with excitement.
I went to the counter and said hello. I pulled out my checkbook and said I needed to cash a check.
"Sure," she smiled, "how much?"
"Fifty dollars. Make it all in ones, I'm going to the Kit Kat Club and need to tip the dancers." I was lying, but somehow it seemed right.
"God, you guys are sooooo cheap. I'm going to give you fives instead." Her grin was ear to ear, both from her remark and my attention. She started to open the cash drawer. But before she did I closed my checkbook and leaned closer to her.
"Actually, I don't need any cash. I was just fooling." She closed the cash drawer and looked at me intently. Rather than explain my stratagem I looked right into her eyes. "Some guys say that brown eyes can't be beautiful. You make those guys liars." She blushed just a bit, but did not turn away. She was definitely interested, but I could tell that complimenting her eyes was not exactly the way to her heart. So I continued.
"Yes, your eyes are beautiful, but your lips are fabulous. Julia Roberts only wishes she had lips as perfect as yours." This is gospel truth, Shannon has the best set of lips on the planet. And right away I could tell that she knew what her best feature was as well. She smiled and leaned over the counter, inviting further comment. So I continued.
Putting my hand gently on her arm, I said, "Those lips are the most kissable lips I have ever seen."
"Kissable only by the right kind of guy." she retorted gently. I had a feeling that at the moment I was the right kind of guy. But for some reason, I decided to pass on the chance for a kiss and go for the whole enchilada.
