Leila had been in love with David ever since she was 17. But being in the kind of conservative community they came from, there was no way she could do anything about it. She talked to him once in a while when they met alone in the village fields and felt comfortable with him. And because he never took advantage of her meeting him alone, she grew to trust him over the years.
David understood her feelings but chose not to act on it because he felt that she was too young and vulnerable. She wouldn't be able to handle it, he thought. But over the years, David had become strongly attracted to her and had several fantasies of what they might do together.
During their long walks in the fields David often questioned and provoked Leila's beliefs about what love and sex were about. And she would spend the next few weeks just pondering on where she got her ideals and morals from. Sometimes they would discuss a hypothetical situation where they would act on their attraction. After much thought, Leila would overcome her fear and want to explore the world of sex with David, who was several years older and much more experienced. At least he would know what he was doing, she thought.
But each time Leila said yes, David would hold back, not wanting to yield to temptation, and not wanting to take a young girls whim for a well thought out and ready answer.
So the years passed.
Leila left the village to explore the outside world. And David took a wife within the village. Someone else that he had eyed for a long time.
One day, Leila came back to visit the village. Things had indeed changed for her since her young innocent days in the conservative village. She had met outsiders, adapted to their ways and had become experienced herself. She had heard of David's marriage and strived to forget whatever feelings she had for him. But it was slow going. When she had a lover of the outside, she had experienced feelings she had never known before, feelings of pure lust. His instrument was large and she found the love-making very pleasurable indeed! But she knew that what she wanted in the long term was a feeling of home. And she would never get that with an outsider.
She saw David walking near the grove one day and asked him if he would like to meet in the fields like they used to. He sure did. She wanted to find out what feelings were left in her for him. She debated the morality of acting on her attraction.
He had asked her if she would ever act on it if she felt ready and he was married by then. She had said no. But she wanted to see how much of all the social questioning he had taught her she could actually act on.
Two days later, the sun was at 4 'o' clock when they met in their usual place.
He spoke of his love for her. His fantasies. She responded by telling him how she imagined it should've been like. She internally understood that a man who would talk this way with another woman while married was not the kind she wanted to keep for life. He was indeed not as perfect and amazing as she had believed in her younger days. But she wondered about her attraction to him. She watched his lips as he talked. How well she knew his face. She caressed him arms and his face with her gaze. His proud and definite eyebrows, and his prominent nose. She wondered how his hair would feel under her soft, fine fingers.
She understood her risks. If anyone found out, she would never be welcomed back to the village again. She could undo all the progress she had made in her time away in forgetting him. And by indulging in her attraction, her conscience may haunt her forever about what an immoral thing she had done. But this battle had been fought in her mind long enough. She would act. She would do what she wanted. Raise the stakes and fall on one side or the other. the conundrum would end either way it went.
