Rob & Robbie

Rob & Robbie 01

Hi. I'm Rob and I'm married to a wonderful woman named Robbie, who is probably at the mall right now because you know, there's a possibility that there might be shoes there. I mean, it could happen, right?

Anyways, I don't know if her shoes had anything to do with how our story got started, but there's always that possibility too because you know, other women notice what other women are wearing on their feet, although I suspect it started with the way my wife looks in general. Which is great, by the way.

Anyways, we recently bounced down to Key West for a long holiday weekend so we could relax and to stop into every store that carried literally anything, but other than that, we were having a great time. The weather was perfect (oh, hell no it wasn't. It was way too hot for me) and we spent as much time in the sun as possible (oh, hell no I didn't) because Robbie loves her golden glow. Which looks great on her, by the way.

Well, we ended each of our days in Keys with a nice dinner and a few cocktails at any one of the ocean side restaurants with our main focus on those that had the usual tourist trap Tiki Bars outside. I mean, when in the Keys, eat and drink like a tourist, right? And nope, I didn't care how Robbie dressed for dinner and cocktails because her plan to wear out me carrying bags in and out of shops worked. Every day! And nope, I didn't care if there was any harmless flirty going on when she went to the Tiki Bar to refresh our cocktails because her plan to wear me out carrying endless bags in and out of every shop in Key West worked. Every day! But in her defense, LOL, my lovely and thoughtful wife still tipped our server.

And yes, the wife works out and keeps herself fit and I do other stuff.

"Whoa, what's with the quizzical look, Robbie? Did they raise the price of the cocktails within the last 30 minutes?"

"Ah, no Rob, ah, these were actually on the house."

"And that has you dazed and confused? I told you that I don't mind which way you push your cleavage just as long as I'm the only one allowed to release the Krakens."

"Oh, well, it's funny that you should mention that, Rob."

"Stop! I've never seen this look on your face before, so tell me in advance, how many questions do I get to ask about why you came back with on the house cocktails?"

"Oh, 4, maybe 5, but, um, listen Rob, I was just approached at the Tiki Bar, and, well Rob, you should kiss me right now."

That's a good sign, said no husband ever! Right? But it was cool, as I said earlier, LOL, Robbie is hot and it's only natural for guys to migrate to her and I have absolute and total faith in her. LOL, said a few husbands, from time to time.

"Alright, first of all I'm totally innocent and I barely said anything, but..."

"It's OK Robbie, you look great tonight, so getting hit on at the bar isn't exactly going to make the news. Oh, well, I've seen that look before, so I guess I'll just shut and try to not shove the fancy little umbrella up my nose and stop interrupting."

"Well, honey, I did marry you for your ability to know when to shut it and for your money, so I'll just continue. Anyways, the couple, Charley and Charli, who are not shy by the way, approached me with a package deal and OMFG, Charli had a fucking menu in her head! She, ah, they wanted to know if we would be interested in a, um, a time share party tonight."

"Robbie, I'm not going to waste one of my valuable five questions on a Time Share Condo scam, so keep talking."

"Alright, well Rob, menu item number one is a, ugh, a freebie, a blow job freebie. OMG, I can't believe I just said that!"

Oh, Robbie and I have been married for six years and dated for three years before that, so I have learned how to use my allowable questions wisely.

"Take a deep breath Robbie and please, continue."

"Hey, I know all about your tricks to save your allowable questions mister, but this is different, so SOB, why did we have to stop in here tonight? Anyways, menu item number one was described as, ugh, she sucks you off and I suck him off and OMG, I can't believe I'm having this conversation with my husband! By the way, I didn't have to tell you any of this, but I have always been honest with you and I would hate for one of them corner you and ask you for an answer and you would be out of the loop. So, anyways, OMG, he and I would be on one side of the bed and you and her would be on the other side of the bed and OMG, why are these words even coming out of my mouth right now?"

"OK, let's get back to breathing normally, Robbie. Now, before you tell me what you told them, tell me why you elected to tell them whatever it was that you said."

"Oh, well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I was literally lockjawed until I got back here to our table. Besides, I have never been asked such a thing or even had to think of such a thing, so what the hell was I supposed to say? It's the couple at the Tiki Bar by the way and I'm sure you can spot them because Charli just so happens to be wearing a blouse in your favorite color. Peek around me before I sit down."

That's not a trap, said no husband ever! Right?

"No, Rob, seriously, you can peek. I mean, I just spent about 10 minutes with them, so I know what's being served on my platter. OMG, I promise, it's my freebie to you to peek at them, you know, this one time."

Huh, I really didn't remember taking any rec drugs, but I must have because this never happens. Wait a minute! The damn server who hasn't had to do anything spiked my cocktails! Wait, no, that doesn't make sense, I guess.

"You can gently wave to her while I run through the rest of Charli's menu and I must say, it's quite the menu. Anyways, Charley and Charli are from Virginia and they basically down here in the Keys for the same reasons we are, except the extra sex thing. Anyways, geez, you guys are standing naked and us girls are on our knees topless, ugh! That's menu item number one."

"OMG, is my lovely wife so close to using the words "cock" and "mouth" in the same sentence for the first time in her entire life? Please Robbie, it's a freebie from me to you to speak so frankly and naughty, so please, continue."

"Shut it butthole, you know I don't like it and you better be giving me credit for trying it (a few times)."

"Sorry babe, I just couldn't resist. Believe me, I have absolutely no issues or complaints with our sex life. Anyways, I just took that jab because I'm assuming that we are done with this conversation because if I read the menu correctly, you have to order a side of the Tiki Bar special too and the odds of that are what? Like just under zero? And I'm not making fun of you. I mean, I'm a very happy husband and we can turn in right now and brag back home to our friends that we were approached by a couple who appear to be about our age, with boobs slightly smaller than yours, but with quite the flair about her hips and hair that I'm sure she uses to her advantage."

"Hey, I said that you could "peek", not take her dress size measurements! Anyways, you're right, we should finish these cocktails and slip quietly into the night, right?"

"Exactly and believe me, you get full credit for even talking to me about this and yes, I realize that full credit is defined by 10 pairs of shoes. Now, let's take fond memories home with us and leave the future drama behind. They'll find someone else. And we're not judging, right Robbie?"

"No, we're not judging the goings on in Key West honey. So, I suppose there is no point with me going on with the rest of Charli's menu then, right? I mean, they have mutual jacking off on our bare asses to side-by-side doggie and something to do with rope and ball gags. Anyways, I'll go let them know that we appreciate that they thought of us, but we'll pass. I'll BRB."

Oh, what did I do? Sat there like a good little husband who wants a happy life and checked my pockets for a gun. Or maybe Robbie will return with some of that hanging rope. Which means I was still quietly sitting there because Robbie hasn't used quite enough words yet, and don't even get me started on her use of "well...." because I didn't tell you folks to pack a lunch at the beginning of this story, so my bad.

"Robbie, since you're still here and all, might I say that you're even cuter when you bit your lip in such anguish over how to break the news to the swingers that we've decided to pass."

"Well...."

"You can do it, Robbie, or shall I go tell them to look elsewhere tonight?"

"Fine, but before I go break the bad news to Charley and Charli, I mean, I know men like blow jobs and everyone knows that men are totally stupid about having a little variety and all and we would all be in the same hotel room at the same time and OMG, what am I saying? Anyways, you are right honey and besides, we can do it doggie tonight, right babe?"

Nope, I'm wasn't taking the bait. I mean, yay to doing Robbie doggie and all, but her comments about how men like blow jobs and variety, well, nope, it's a trap or should every husband say forever!

"Just be nice and tell them that we will buy them a round of drinks tomorrow night, honey."

"Alright babe and I promise to be extra vocal in bed tonight because I'm pretty good with the pillow talk and all, right Rob?"

Nope, that's still bait on a hook, but as the good hubby, I had to respond, right?

"Honey, it's your sexy pillow talk that keeps our sex life alive. Now go and it's OK to be flirty as you decline their offer. I mean, flirty within reason and all."

LOL, I was winning, right? Ah, maybe or maybe not because she was gone a long time just to say thanks, but no thanks. But she always comes back to me.

"Robbie, I would say that took a long time, but I know how much you enjoy saying every single word ever created, so, shall we go to our room now?"

"Well..."

See? I promise a bucket full of "wells" and my marriage guarantees to deliver.

"I explained everything to them Rob and I even borrowed a few words from Canada, so they are looking forward to receiving a coupe of cocktails from us tomorrow night. Also, you still a few allotted questions left over, if you want to ask anything."

Oh, yeah, I got this. Like I said married to her for six and dated her for three before that. Yeah, I got this.

"Hmmm, let's see Robbie, did you borrow a few words from the French and try to cut a package deal with a mix and match from the menu items? I mean, we've been married for six years and we started dating like 3 years before we got married, so, you know, I know you're a good bargain shopper."

"SOB! Could you hear me from over here? Anyways, like I said before, I know where my one short coming in the bedroom is, so I tried to trade from the menu for a grade A blow job for you."

"And for you? Do tell me what menu item you selected, babe? And this whole night is now considered a freebie, so speak freely."

"Well...."

"Kiss me Robbie and whisper your freebie in my ear."

By the way, she has another 400 "wells" to go, so if you want to, you know, go wash the car or run up to the convenience store, well, we'll still making our way back to our hotel.

"Back in college, when we afraid of me getting pregnant, well, it's wasn't exactly sexual bliss, but I did get a thrill when you used to stroke off on my back and butt. I mean, mostly because we where in our dorm rooms and we could get caught, but I still enjoyed it, babe."

"So, you tried to mix and match and they said no menu substitutions?"

"Well...."

Seriously folks, start making a roast for dinner.

"OK, fine, Charli will suck you off like I can't and Charley gets to have his way with my backside."

"I'm obviously missing something, so, keep going Robbie."

"Well..."

And folks, save me enough leftover roast beef for a sandwich, please.

"OK, fine, obviously I would have to be bottomless for Charley, not to mention on my hands and knees while I wiggle it at him, right? I mean, Charli insisted that I was too be totally naked."

"You mean Charley?"

"Oh no, Charli is in charge of this operation."

"Robbie, I'm stating right now that things have gone too far. I mean, things have gone as far as they are going to go, right Robbie?"

"Well..."

And folks, dig through your refrigerator shelves and try to find me a few little mustard packages. I love me some mustard on my cold roast beef sandwich, but I don't like it to soak into the bread overnight. So, a couple of packets on the side, OK?

"OK, fine, but this is all for you, Rob. Ugh, Charli blows you first and then you pass out on our hotel bed and then she walks down the hotel hallway and joins Charley and I. And before you talk to your imaginary friends again, Charli strips me, places a ball gag in my mouth and lays underneath me while Charley does his thing behind me. And by the way all you good folks out there, no more than two packages of mustard! I have to deal with his stomach later in the day."

Oops, sorry folks (but sneak in a third package and I won't tell).

"Well, I never thought for a minute that we would ever be in this situation, Robbie. And by the way, what do you mean when you say that Charli would walk down the hotel hallway?"

"Nice try slick, but your "wells" don't count against my endless list of "wells", so shut it slick. Anyways, they are staying in the same hotel as we are and that's where they originally spotted us."

"Oh, now it's starting to sound like we have targeted. I mean, you said they had ball gags and rope, right? You better call your mother right this instant and have her start tracking your cell phone."

"Well..."

While you folks are out, I could use a sheet or two of plywood too.

"OK, fine, but I'm just trying to please my man. I met Charli in the gym area this morning and she made a comment about my body and well, once girls start talking it seems like it never ends and all. I mean, we did make all of the words in universe, we just speak them."

Great, two shapely and fit women on holiday who meet in the gym. Nope. I mean, they're not even bothering with putting some bait on the hook now.

"Charli promised a blow job for you that will stick with you for a year, but she gets to, ugh, feel me up while she is laying underneath me and while Charley is staring at what is exposed on me from being in basically a doggie position naked while he yanks his tool towards whatever is exposed."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she could have said that Charley would be able to see her gash from his position with a lot less words, but you know, right? And a box of #8 outdoor screws too, please, I mean, while you're out and all. And just leave the roast beef sandwich inside of the side door when you drop off the screws and plywood.

"Robbie, as much as I appreciate the "deal" you cut with Charley and Charli and as much as I love watching you bite your lips as you explain the "deal" to me, I still think this is something that will haunt us later as a married couple. I mean, unless you're really wondering what Charli's lips would feel like as she latched onto your boobs while you're wearing a ball gag and it might be a thrill for you to want to scream out your vocal pillow talk, but can't because of the ball gag and all."

"Well..."

And while you nice folks are dropping off my sheets of plywood and screws, check the faucet on the side of our house to make sure the neighbor isn't using my garden hose to water his grass, OK? Thanks.

"We will regret this, Robbie. I mean, back in our college days when I soaked your backside, well, do you know how easy it would have been for me to simply scoot forward and enter your pearly gates? I mean, I think most men would very much appreciate the tight hairless coin slot you have down there, so what if Charley were to lose control and simply scoot forward? I mean, unless Charli occupied your pussy with her fingers or something while she ravished your titties like a mad woman."

"Well..."

Seriously, if you catch my neighbor Frank washing his truck with my garden hose, feel free to give him the side eye, but don't confront him or he will steal my roast beef sandwich.

"OK, fine, Charley is half gay and the menu was misleading. They were both going to blow you back-to- back, so my absolutely amazing private parts have nothing he is interested in. But Charli will give him a free pass for one hour on the gay bar strip and she gets me for one hour, after she sucks you off like I could never ever do, of course."

Oh, now we're getting somewhere, right? LOL, I mean, just because I never caught her, we all know it's an unwritten rule about how college girl's "experiment" in the girl's dorms, right?

"So, Robbie, let me see if I have this straight. I get a freebie, which is a blow job of a lifetime, which you pointed out that I deserve and that you promised to never ever hold against me (or us) and then I crawl under the covers and fall into dreamland while Charley is out looking for some down low action and you walk down to Charli's hotel room for an hour and then you come back to our hotel room with a cold can of soda from the vending machine and we finish off our night with a little doggie do and doggie did. Does that sound about right, my dearest wife?"

"Well..."

Ah hah! Here it comes! She never lets me have a soda after 8pm!

"OK, fine, I can't handle you getting what I can't give you from another woman or from Charley for that matter. So, Charli comes to our hotel room and you have a one-hour free pass to wander around the dive bar scene. And if you Charley, OMG, go the other way. And the dive bar scene is not the same as the meat market scene. Your freebie is for the bar strip that smells like fish from the ocean, by the way."

Yeah, but they will serve a soda! So, hah! Hey, wait a minute!

"So, oops, well, well, well, so Robbie, you get an hour with those hips and lips and I have to change into long jeans and hang out in some dive bar watching sports on a TV from the 1990's?"

"Well..."

"I'm having two shots with soda chasers then!"

"One soda chaser and I promise that her panties will remain behind and I'll bang your cock silly with them Rob, twice. Silly I say Rob, absolutely silly. Oh, and, and, and (smooch, smooch, smooch) the next time your boys come over to play cards, not only will I be extra attentive, I might let it slip that I had to fend off some random hottie from flirting with you by lifting my beach dress and flashing my, how did you say it babe? My perfectly tight hairless coin slot? Which I could do tonight if I had to because I've been commando since 5pm, I mean, kiss, kiss, kiss."

Ahh, the things we do to keep the marriage spicy and fresh, right?

End Rob & Robbie 01