Freud would have an absolute fucking field day with me. Is it unresolved daddy issues? Is it a need to relinquish control after a day of stressful work and responsibility for others? Is it fall-out from my now-deceased marriage to a control freak with zero imagination in bed other than to make me feel worthless? Who knows. What I do know is that, as a single woman with a very new and exciting playing field before me, I find myself looking beyond the 'vanilla' for my kicks.
Take right now. I'm on my back, naked, with my wrists bound to my ankles. It pushes my tits out, and holds my thighs apart -- my knees just fall open, leaving my pussy exposed. My eyes are covered, and my nipples are throbbing in the grip of some deliciously cruel clamps; he'll take them off soon, but only to pinch and roll my nipples in his fingers, pulling them gently and listening to me moan. Then he'll put them back on, knowing that it will hurt but knowing that I'm nowhere near my safe-word. It scares me how much I like it when the pain comes, flooding my nervous system in a hundred different ways, making a junkie of me. Everything is darkness but I can see him clear as day, his shining eyes drinking me in as I become a creature of instinct, reacting to sensations and not quite capable of conscious, rational thought.
He can't play with the clamps just yet, as his hands are busy. One rests gently at my throat, not squeezing but reminding me that he could squeeze at any time. The other -- well, the other is slapping my pussy gently, as regular as a metronome, making a noise like a young child jumping in a puddle. I gasp every time his fingers land on my lips, splashing in the juices that coat my pussy and thighs, tapping just a little too fast for me to catch my breath. I'm not breathing, I'm panting -- my body shaking, my thighs straining, arching up into his touch.
His hand leaves my throat and trails gently down my chest. His touch is feather-light, the merest caress, but the softness only lasts until his fingers snag the chain joining the clamps together. He tugs, the clamps tighten, and my mouth opens wide -- the shaky moan that I hear sounds nothing like me...the 'normal' me, anyway. This is a whole other me, reduced to a vocabulary of three words: 'more', 'harder' and 'safe'. I'm through the looking glass now, and all the sensation I want and need is there for the taking...and my God, do I want to take it.