"Pleeeeease?" Tiffany pleaded.
"No!" I remained steadfast. "For the umpteenth and fourth time, I will not take that damned kitten! You've been trying to get rid of her for weeks now and my answer is STILL "NO!" Look, I made up flyers for you, I posted ads on the Internet and I've annoyed the hell out of my co-workers about it! I have done more than my part in this, sweetness, but I am NOT taking that kitten!"
"But...Pleeeeeease, George! Please? It just makes sense for you to just take her. She likes you. You know she does! That would solve my whole problem!"
"Sheesh! I understand that 'no' is a word with which you have only a passing familiarity so I'll say it slowly and precisely so you can't possibly misunderstand: N. O. NO!!!!"
"But why?" she whined, hopping up and down in the grocery store parking lot a little like a five year old having a temper tantrum. Her substantial boobs bounced nicely in the orange-colored cloth top she wore that was more or less just tied around her. I got a bit of a tingle out of that but it wasn't enough to sway me. It was then that she hit me with her ultimate weapon: the pout!
Tiffany's pout was legendary and the secret of why she usually got her way in life. I don't pretend to understand the physics or biology or whatever science behind it but I acknowledge that pout as a potential weapon of mass destruction...often mine! "Oh, no! Don't you dare bring in the pout! Look, I am not...Stop that! Tiffany, I swear I'll... I said quit! I mean it! Dammit, Dammit, dammit!" She sniffed a little, too, and a single tear ran slowly down her cheek as if on cue. I closed my eyes and put my hands over my ears. "Now you listen to me, Tiff! I do not like cats! I do not want a cat and I am most definitely NOT going to take your cat!"
"Kitten. She's just a kitten."
"What the fuck ever, okay? You have exactly one pussy that I'd be interested in taking and I know from experience that you have absolutely no intention of offering me that one. Hell, I don't believe I'm saying this but if you DID offer it to me right now, right this instant, I'd turn it down if it meant having to take that ratza-fratza cat!"
"Kitten," she corrected again.
"Uuugghhh!!!!" I shouted throwing my arms up in the air. "Get in the car!"
"Okay," she said calmly. "I don't see any reason to be shouting all over the place. That's just rude." I just looked at her and shook my head causing us both to finally crack a smile.
Tiffany and I had been platonic friends for several years. When we met we had both been involved with other people and by the time we weren't, it just seemed impossible to see ourselves as anything but friends. We were so used to it that neither of us seemed to have a problem with it being that way. Oh, of course I thought about her sexually. She was a babe! Bouncy tits, magical eyes, long blonde hair and a tight butt you just wanted to grab and squeeze every time you saw it. I like to think she thought about me that way, too, but when it came right down to it, it kind of felt like fantasizing about your sister. Doesn't mean I didn't still do it, mind you. In fact, we both bantered back and forth about sex all the time. It just never happened.
In the car on the way back to her apartment, Tiffany sat staring straight ahead without saying a word. "So now I'm getting the silent treatment?" I inquired. No reaction. "Helloo...?"
"I'm sorry. No....No, not the silent treatment," she said with a sigh but then said nothing else.
"Hmmm," I added. "Coulda fooled me. I mean...you know, you being SILENT and all!"
"Oh, bite me," she offered as if only half paying attention to me.
When I stopped at a light, I turned and looked at her. "What's wrong?"
"I...," she started before degenerating into what seemed embarrassed laughter. "I'm just a little...I mean, can I do this? I don't want to hurt...but on the other hand, I really do want to...Hmmmm..."
"Uh...was there even a full statement in there anywhere?"
"BEEEP! BEEEP!" came the two cents put in by the Mazda behind me telling me the light had changed. I drove on and Tiffany continued to alternate silence and giggly laughter. Somehow I kept my eyes on the road when her left hand slowly snaked its way over to softly rub the crotch of my baggy khakis.
"Uhhh....Tiff, let me just say 'What the fuck?' here, okay?" She giggled again and ran her hand down deeper between my legs, tickling my scrotum through the thin fabric of my pants. "Stop that! I'm driving here, okay?"
"You don't really want me to stop, do you, honey? All this time I thought you wanted me like this. Was I wrong? Hmmmm?"
"No," I admitted. "You weren't wrong. The problem is that this is still about the cat, isn't it?"
"Dammit!," she cursed as she hit me on the shoulder. "George, I cannot afford the upkeep on another cat. What will it take? After you said that back in the parking lot about my pussy, I got to thinking, what exactly would be wrong with that? It's not like I hadn't considered having sex with you before. I've thought about you quite a bit actually."
"Really?" I said somewhat in surprise. Inside, a part of me was going, "Cha-ching!"
"Look, we can have a good time. You get what you want and I get what I want out of the deal."
"Honey, I'm not asking you to use sex as a bargaining tool."
"No, you're not. It was MY idea, okay? I'm willing this one time to do whatever you want and all you have to do is take Mitzi home with you. You scratch my back, I scratch yours."
"More like you scratch my itch and then Mitzi scratches my couch for the next few years."
"Shut up!" she laughed heartily as she hit me again. "Hey, I'm serious, George. What will it take? A handjob? A blowjob? You wanna fuck me, honey? What would you like?"
"Hey!"
"What is it, sweetie?" she asked seductively.
"We're here," I stated matter-of-factly.
"Oh."
As we carried the cat litter we'd purchased at the store up to her apartment, neither of us spoke a word but Tiffany uncharacteristically locked arms with me, making me stir more than a little inside my suddenly very tight briefs. We were met at the door by all three of her cats, Anita, Blake and Mitzi, the kitten. As if she had rehearsed them, the two older cats rubbed up against Tiffany's tight jeans while Mitzi meowed at my feet.
"Hi, guys," she greeted. "Hello, babies. Let us in, okay?" To me, she added, " Just set the cat litter in the hallway by the bathroom. I'll meet you in the living room in a minute, all right?"
"Fine." It all seemed so normal. I convinced myself that I may have just imagined her offer of sexual favors or maybe she just pulled back from the idea. I plopped in the big blue chair and clicked on a BEWITCHED rerun. Thus I was quite surprised a few minutes later when Tiffany came walking into the living room half-naked. To be exact, she was topless and wearing only the tiniest pink and yellow g-string underwear, holding tiny, contented looking Mitzi in her arms. There was a growing wet spot on her panties.
"Well," she said as I stood up, "Whadda ya think, handsome?"
"What I think is that this is so wrong. Okay, yes, I want you. I guess I always have y'know... but not like this. This would be like some...some business transaction or something and I am SO not interested in you like that!"
"Hmmm," she murmured as her eyes lighted on the tent in the front of my pants and she walked closer, "Looks to me like you're a liar."
"Hey, I can't help that. That's just a physiological reaction. I mean...you are naked, you know?"