Natalie was, in every conceivable way, out of bounds. She was, like me, married - in a union characterized by obvious mutual love and respect. She was a long time family friend of my wife Emma; the two had remained on good terms since adolescence. And while she was no prude, her character was one of a pretty high moral standard - her job frequently required her to be the ethical backstop for her clients, a responsibility she took seriously. It was obvious she valued the straight and narrow.
I loved this about Natalie, as I loved nearly everything about her, from her stunning brown eyes and jet black hair to her conversational style that always invited comments from everyone at the table and never condescended, even to those whose intellects paled next to her sharp and very witty mind. There was a lot to admire in her, and throughout our ten years of friendship I had grown to appreciate her on many levels. But I never allowed my love for her to obscure the boundaries - I was ever keenly aware that she was utterly off limits. She and her husband Jed were our friends, and we'd have dinner with them every month or two, each warm and pleasant evening together a clear if painful reminder of her off-limits status. It was a difficult fact to contemplate, but it was a fact.
Not that I was a raging skirt-chaser, to be sure. I loved Emma dearly and enjoyed the life we had built together. I had remained faithful despite various temptations and occasional blatant invitations in my very busy professional life. I didn't go around boasting about my fidelity, but it did give me a certain amount of private satisfaction. In recent years however that satisfaction had been waning somewhat. Since the birth of our son nine years earlier - a difficult pregnancy after several miscarriages - Emma had lost all interest in sex. At first she would rally herself a few times a month, but soon it petered out altogether, and it had been a number of years now since we'd had more than a hug. She was still the spirited and happy woman I had married, she had simply become asexual - and over the years we had morphed from lovers into friendly and trusting business partners. I had learned to carve out private time to satisfy my urges, but I couldn't deny that I longed for more intimacy than I was getting at home. I recognized that this was a dangerous state, so I did my best to avoid situations that might present tempting opportunities - conferences, retreats, office parties. I was the dedicated domestic dad.
One very hot summer morning I was shopping for groceries at the huge downtown farmer's market. There were plenty of supermarkets closer to home, but I liked buying fresh produce directly from the growers, and I loved the vibe in the massive 19th century building that housed it. Besides, in the very casual town-square atmosphere, wearing shorts and sandals and an unbuttoned shirt felt more acceptable than it would in an over-sanitized grocery store. Clasping a full canvas bag in one hand and sorting through sweet potatoes with the other, I heard a familiar voice, imitating an old-time radio announcer.
"Rex wouldn't rest until he found the sweet potato that killed his brother". I looked up to find Natalie standing beside me with her own shopping bag. In the sweltering heat she was dressed simply, in a light cotton shirt and silk skirt, but she somehow made them look glamourous. I couldn't suppress my delight.
"Hey Natalie. What's a nice goil like you doin' in a...ah never mind. Good to see you. I didn't know you shopped here."
"Likewise. I love the feel of this place. Plus," she said conspiratorially, "there's a Latvian farmer that keeps flirting with me." She nodded at a stand in the corner where a cheerful fellow in overalls and a Green Bay Packers hat stood greeting shoppers. He was at least 80. "Think I have a chance?" she said, raising one eyebrow suggestively.
"Dunno, he's pretty hot stuff. If he does ask you out to dinner, better make it smoothies. Looks like he has no teeth." Natalie giggled like a four-year-old, and I melted.
"Hey", she said, touching my arm, "I keep forgetting to ask you guys, what are you up to on Saturday the 20th? Jed will be finished his treatment and we want to celebrate. Can you come chez nous for dinner?" Jed had some kind of chronic nerve condition that occasionally flared up and required treatment.
"Sounds great. I have to talk to Emma, but I think we're good. Can I call you tonight to confirm?"
"Sure. Call me anytime." I tried to ignore the unintended innuendo, but I hesitated and she noticed, and blushed slightly. "Let me know either way", she added, trying to restore the matter-of-fact tone. Despite my every effort to avert my gaze I noticed as we talked that in the stifling heat that day she had her shirt unbuttoned further than her normally tasteful single button, treating me to an unusually expansive exposure to her cleavage. My heartbeat quickened. Just then two large farm workers carrying baskets pushed past us in the narrow passage between the tables. For several seconds I was pressed against Natalie while they passed, our bare thighs lightly touching. My left arm, having nowhere else to go, found itself wrapped around her back.
Our faces were close enough that I could smell her cologne. She looked up at me with an awkwardly apologetic expression. I wanted to make a joke to deflate the tension, but when I met her eyes I couldn't say a word, and I couldn't look away. One of the workers elbowed me slightly in passing, nudging me into Natalie and I instinctively pulled her into me to avoid pushing her on to the table. I felt her chest push up against mine, skin on skin, and I briefly felt her warm breath on my neck. She let out an involuntary "ohh" and steadied herself by putting one hand on my bare shoulder and the other on my back, and moving her right leg forward, in the process rubbing her inner thigh across mine and planting her leg between my legs, firmly against my crotch. Oh why do the fates torment me like this?
After an eternity of maybe eight or ten seconds the workers passed and we resumed our positions at a comfortable distance. Natalie fussed with her clothes and seemed flustered. The close contact had obviously embarrassed her.