The plane smelled like badly recirculated air and off brand peanuts, and as I walked down the narrow aisle, bumping elbows and dodging knees, I kept replaying the last thing Ami said to me.
"You're pathetic. I need, no I fucking deserve, a real man. Real men not some fucking law graduate loser."
Row 22. Window seat. I didn't look up when I passed row 14, the one we sat in on our trip to London. I could still picture her there, curled up in the window seat with my hoodie around her shoulders, legs folded like she owned the sky.
Now, I was alone. And heading toward someone who knew the best and worst parts of me and stayed anyway. That's what best friends were there for right?
Finding my seat I shoved my backpack under, and breathed out slowly. This flight wasn't about running away I kept telling myself, even though all my dreams were of a place far from this city. I just wanted to remember who I was before everything fell apart. 'Was that even possible' I thought with a huff and a grimace.
Jen would be waiting at the gate in Santa Barbra, and they always knew how to stitch me back together without pretending it didn't hurt.
My pity party was promptly interrupted by the appearance of a pair of toned legs dominating my peripheral. Try as hard as I might I couldn't help but shoot a cursory glance at the presumed occupant of Row 22, Aisle. If the tanned and toned, legs were the appetiser then the main course was served by a perfect petite figure framed by a cropped sweatshirt that fell just right on her. As she reached up to stow her baggage in the overhead bins that sweatshirt rode up showing off a similarly toned midriff and the hint of underboob. Immediately my eyes snapped back to the on board entertainment, flicking through screens seruptuousely hoping I hadn't been caught in my teenagesc ogling.
Stowing over, my companion for the next 7 and a half hours slipped into the seat beside me. Moments, but what felt like a silent cumbersome age, later the captain's voice crackled through the aged intercom, and just like that I was airborne. Free.
Doing my best to forget my companion beside me was difficult, not least because the subtle scent of vanilla seemed to be drifting from her skin. Intoxicating in the way that made me want to lean just a little closer. Instead I focused on the tiny, washed-out screen embedded in the seatback in front of me.
Friends
. Season 5. The one where Ross is fine. Not because I was, but because it felt safely distant -- funny in a way that didn't ask anything from me.
Then, just as Ross tried to sell everyone on how totally okay he was with Rachel and Joey, a soft laugh bubbled up beside me. Quiet, involuntary. And it wasn't mine. I turned my head slightly. She had one hand over her mouth, eyes wide in embarrassment.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, cheeks flushing. "I wasn't watching... I mean, I
was
, but not on purpose. I forgot my headphones, and I was bored, and--"
I laughed -- really laughed -- for the first time in weeks. "You've got excellent taste," I said, grinning. "You should've just asked to share."
She relaxed a little, the tension leaving her shoulders as she smiled back. "I'm Kat," she said. "Katherine, technically. But everyone just calls me Kat - please call me Kat." She offered with a final desperate plea.
"Alex," I replied, offering a hand, which she took without hesitation. Her grip was warm and confident. "Nice to meet you, Katherine-please-god-call-me-Kat."
She gave a soft snort. "I'm flying back home. Was visiting a friend in New York. You?"
I hesitated, not wanting to trauma dump on a poor unsuspecting soul no matter how cute they were. "Running away," I said with a half-shrug. "Or toward something. Depends on the day. Kat looked at me, something unreadable flickering in her eyes, and then nodded like she got it more than she let on.
A few minutes passed in companionable silence. Then she leaned in slightly, her voice low.
"Mile high club."
I blinked. "What?"
She gestured -- not at me, but toward the front of the plane. I followed her eyes and spotted a couple trying, very unsuccessfully, to be discreet as they squeezed into the airplane bathroom together.
Kat hissed the words again, barely suppressing a grin. "
Mile. High. Club.
"
I choked on a laugh, turning my face away as the blush crept up my neck. "Oh my God."
Her grin widened. "Relax babe, I wasn't trying to drag you in there!."
"No, I didn't think you were, I just--" I paused, then laughed again. "Honestly? I don't know what I would've said if you
had
been." I felt my cheeks redden at her use of 'babe' and tried to play it off - unsuccessfully I'm sure.
She tilted her head, playful curiosity sparking behind her eyes. "Would that have been a yes?"
I looked at her, really looked, and for a second the plane, the breakup, the wreckage of the past few weeks all faded into the background. I didn't answer her question -- just gave a lopsided smile and said, "You always eavesdrop and flirt with strangers, Kat, or am I just special?"
She grinned. "Guess you'll have to make it to Santa Barbara to find out." If my face wasn't already radish coloured then that comment tipped it over the edge.
From there, we just talked--nothing more. And to my surprise, it was... nice. Nice to connect with another human being--someone I had nothing in common with and would likely never see again. For the last few hours into Santa Barbara, it was easy, idle conversation. Never awkward or forced. Somehow, Kat brought out a newfound confidence in me--the kind usually kindled over years of friendship
As we packed up to leave, both of us fumbling in the cramped, awkward confines of the cabin, I helped her bring her bag down--a small gesture that seemed to catch her off guard. We walked to the gate in a quiet, almost reverent silence, as if mourning the end of something unreal, something outside the bounds of everyday life. With each step, the confidence I'd felt earlier drained away, replaced by the full weight of the reality I'd been trying to escape. And there I was, standing next to this stunning woman, talking to her like I had any sort of chance.
"Alex," she said. "I... erm..." She wore that look--wanting to say something, but not sure how. I wasn't any better. Just stood there like an idiot, nearly ruining the moment by awkwardly sticking out my hand for a handshake--only to be saved when she leaned in for a hug
As she stepped in, her arms sliding lightly around me, the hug was brief but electric--just long enough to leave a mark. Her cropped hoodie left a sliver of warm skin between us, soft against the cool press of the cabin air. I could feel the outline of her frame--petite but confident, her body lean and sun-kissed, fitting against mine like we'd known each other longer than a few hours. There was nothing overt, nothing spoken, but something passed between us in that quiet embrace--something that lingered after she let go.
Without a word--and what might've been a flush, maybe even the glint of a tear--she turned and walked toward the baggage claim. Was she sad to leave? Or was I just imagining it? I lingered a second, trying to steady myself, gather my thoughts, and--awkwardly--will away the growing boner. Since when did a hug do that? I exhaled, gave myself a small shake, and started after her. Time to find Jen.
Jen--Jenantha--had been my best friend for the past 25 years. We met in nursery school and formed a bond that only deepened over time. I was the first person she came out to when we were 14. I still remember the way she looked that day--scared, vulnerable, searching my face for signs of shame as she laid bare her biggest secret, her heart trembling in the open.
Truthfully, I'd been shocked--and, if I'm honest, a little disappointed. I'd had a crush on her for a few years by then. But I swallowed all of that, pulled her into a giant hug, one I hoped said I love you, it's okay, and it will always be okay.
Funnily enough, it was the Jene kind of hug we found ourselves in now.
One of her arms was wrapped tightly around my neck, the other holding up a sign that read Alex Chance -
Sexual Health Clinic Pickup
. Her head was pressed against my chest, my chin resting lightly on top of hers. For the first time in weeks, I felt a strange, quiet peace settle over me.
It didn't take long to get to her place -- a sleek first-floor condo overlooking West Beach. How she managed to afford it, I hadn't the faintest clue, but damn, the view was something else. Endless blue surf crashing against the golden sand, bronzed bodies soaking in the sun -- yeah, you could lose yourself here. I leaned on the balcony rail, watching the promenade buzz with summer heat, and for a second, I let myself imagine staying. But NYC was still home. This? This was a little escape -- a sun-drenched retreat from reality.
I'd barely started unpacking in Jen's spare room when her voice floated through from the master.
"We hitting the beach straight away or what?"
"Yeah, sure," I called back.
"That wasn't a question," she fired, voice laced with amusement. I could practically hear the smirk behind it.
Grinning, I grabbed a pair of board shorts, tugged them on, and wandered toward her room without thinking. Old habits -- we'd always been close. No walls, no filters.
The moment I opened her door, though, I knew I'd fucked up.
A startled squeak, then, "Shit, Alex -- fuck! Knock, won't you?!"
But it was too late. The sight hit me like a freight train.