I was 45 years-old, now single, after having been married and divorced twice before, the second divorce about six months earlier...
I'd never found relationship break-ups easy, no matter whether doing the dumping or being dumped. After a grieving process and when I thought I was ready, I joined an eastern suburbs social club. This social club was exactly that, nothing more, nothing less. And it was an adventure. A new challenge in my life. A place to meet people and to go to various activities. A first step in rebuilding my life.
As I'd healed from the effects of dissolution of my second marriage, I was getting more comfortable with who I was. It was only in the last six-months or so that I had learned to stand on my own two feet in a domestic sense, having almost all my life been essentially provided for. A thing that had prevented me from leaving my second wife earlier was that I had no domestic skills that were handy to survival. Sure, I could do a mean barbeque, but that was the extent of my cooking skills. I knew though, that I could not stay in a marriage that I felt was surely slowly killing me. That's how bad it was. I literally felt like I was slowly dying. But the time to leave had come. Whether I would survive or not made no difference now. If I stayed, I would surely die. If I left, I might still die, but also I might survive. It was a no brainer. I had nothing to lose so I left. The divorce was acrimonious but surprisingly it only took me a few months to get over sixteen years of marriage.
I had gotten my house in order. I had bought pots, pans, and similar stuff, that I had previously known existed in my house, but even at my ripe old age, had no idea where they were kept, or how to use them. I had bought a bed, bedding, and other furniture to replace that which I had lost in the finalisation of the divorce. So I was now feeling pretty good. I was now ready to tackle the world!
Some of the few remaining friends I had, with good intentions in mind and trying to get me back into the swing of things, had invited me to join them on nights out or had told me to try dating agencies, but I hadn't yet been ready to do those things. Maybe I might need to in the future, but right now was not the time for that. I knew I needed to ease back into the social scene. But I also needed for that to happen slowly, gradually, sensitively. Without any pressure from anybody and at my own pace. I had heard that there were groups within local communities that facilitated social interaction of the type I was looking for.
I was not after sex at this time, although I suppose that would have been nice had it been available. What I really needed was to be able to start mixing with people again, in a non-threatening environment. I needed the social interaction. I needed to be able to communicate with others of my species, who understood what I had gone through. To enjoy other peoples' company. To have a laugh. To have a discussion about something unimportant.
Then one day as I read one of the local papers I came across an advertisement in the 'Personals' section that advertised the existence of a social club in the eastern suburbs. There was no membership fee involved. And it promoted social interaction between individuals, the only costs being just the normal costs associated with going to a restaurant, or other venue. I noted the phone number to call for further information, but did not call. I noted the ad for another two weeks or so, before finally summoning up enough courage to call.
So one day, on a quiet Thursday, when I was at work, I took a deep breath, and rang the number, just to find out a bit more information. I was not quite ready for what happened, but happen it did, taking me right out of my only recently and newly found, comfort zone.
The phone was answered by a pleasant sounding woman, Cathy by name, who I found really easy to speak with. I asked her what functions were planned, how they were organised, what the costs were, what sort of people were in the group, how often they held functions or events, etc. All questions which she answered without hesitation and it seemed to me honestly.
So I asked her the fatal question. When is your next function?
"Tonight" she answered "And it would be really nice if you could come."
"Ummmm, I'm not quite sure I'm ready just yet", I replied.
'Well. It's like this" she said. "It seems that most of the people with courage to enjoy groups like this are women. Males tend to be a little bit more reluctant to join groups like this. For example tonight's function at the local Mexican restaurant has more females than males going along. Ideally it would be good if numbers were more balanced... May I ask you how old you are?"
"Ummmmm... I'm 45" I replied.
"May I ask where you live?"
"Close to Wellington Road, not far from Rowville" I replied.
"You know", she said, "You would be perfect for tonight's group. You are the right age. You don't live far away, and we need more men... Why don't you come along tonight? ...Just try it. See if it is what might suit you..."
"Ummmm, I'm not quite sure I'm ready. I was just making some enquiries. When is the next function after that?"
"The next function is in three weeks. But please reconsider. From speaking with you, I think you would fit right into tonight's group. Are you sure you won't come along? ... What's the worst that could happen? You would have a conversation while enjoying a meal... assuming you like Mexican of course" and she giggled a little.
I was silent for a few seconds, before I swallowed and said "OK. Haven't tried Mexican before but I'll give it a go. Where and what time?"
She gave me the details, and then added "From where you are, my place is right on the way. Do you want to come here? I could take you in my car if you like. That way you won't need to stress about anything."
I paused. She sensed the reason for that pause. My reason was that I did not want to limited. I wanted the freedom to be able to leave at a time of my own choosing. If I was uncomfortable, I wanted to be able to leave when I wanted, not to have to wait on somebody else. She sensed that. And she understood it.
So she was not offended by my compromise. "How about I come to your place and I follow you?" I asked.
"That sounds fine to me" she replied.
"What time should I be there" I asked.
She mentioned a time. I arrived there at the agreed time; we greeted each other, and then set off.
When we arrived at the restaurant Cathy organised the people who were not already seated, and introduced me to everybody. She seated me at a table with herself and a mixture of males and females. This table was out of the ordinary in that it was a round table that had chairs with backs on them. The others were typical Mexican style with rectangular tables and bench seats.
Cathy watched the interaction I was having with the others at the table. I do believe she was sizing me up. But that was OK. I was actually, despite my initial reservations, starting to enjoy myself.
A while after we had been there but before the meal was actually served, an additional member of the group arrived late. She was a quite tall professional looking woman with medium length blonde hair and from what I could see, not that it mattered, a figure to die for. Slim, with a reasonable sized bust, her business suit coat indicating a thin waist, and hips that were pretty damn perfect. Her name was Kayte. Cathy seated her at this table on the opposite side to me.
The meal was served, and when we had finished the main, Cathy rearranged the seating so that the positions of Kayte and the woman who was next to me were swapped, as well as a couple of other positions. Cathy also did that to folks at the longer tables. Cathy was ensuring that people mingled. Full points to her I thought.
Kayte and I got on really well. I was really enjoying my night. Kayte and I spoke about a number of things and we really seemed to click in a way, and just when I felt settled for the evening, Cathy asked if I wouldn't mind mixing with some of the folks on one of the other tables.
I was just getting comfortable and I was now being asked to again get out of my comfort zone.
I swallowed and managed to get out a reasonably competent sounding "OK" as Cathy led me by the hand to the next table. She'd already moved some people around before I got there, so there was room for me. I introduced myself again, and we spoke about the usual small talk things. I think I'd already used up my quality conversation earlier, and this particular group, wasn't as stimulating as the ones on my initial table.
A couple of times I looked across at the table I had originally been on, looking at how those people were interacting, and noticed that Kayte wasn't saying much, but that she smiled when she saw me look at her.
Not long after that, I overheard Kayte say she was leaving because she had a heavy day the next day.
As Kayte made her farewells from that table on her way out, she walked past the table where I was sitting and stopped when she got beside me. As luck would have it, I had now been moved to the end of the table so I could speak with Kayte reasonably quietly.
"It was a pleasure meeting you" she said to me. "I've got a long way to travel in the morning so I'd better go now...but I just wanted to say, that I really enjoyed talking to you earlier. I hope you enjoy this group and hopefully we will get a chance to meet again at some other function".
I am as thick as a brick when it comes to picking up encouraging signs from women, and especially as I'd been out of the market for some 16 years, I was unsure of myself. But I'd had a great time this evening, I felt good, and coming from where I had just been, I had a little bit of bravado fired up within me, possibly due to the warming effects of the red wine I had brought with me.
I stood up to face Kayte, and said, "Kayte, I really enjoyed speaking with you tonight too. I hope I'm not being too forward, but I would like to speak more with you about some of the things we discussed... Would you maybe like to have dinner with me sometime?"
Her answer was short and sweet. "Yes", she replied.
God, I was so relieved. A 'NO' in front of the other people at the table, who I am sure would have been listening would have absolutely destroyed me I think.
"May I have your phone number?" I asked Kayte whilst fumbling around for a pen and paper. I found a serviette to write on, but had no pen. I didn't want to be blatant and ask anybody at the table if they had one, so I added, "I have a pen in the car".
"It's all right... I have one here" she said pulling one out of her purse.
She took the paper from me, wrote down her phone number and her address and handed it back to me.
"Thank you", I said and added quietly "Drive safely. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you." I actually couldn't believe I'd said that.
She just smiled and then left saying quietly, "I'll wait for your call".
I stayed at the long table talking inane stuff for a few minutes, and as the next day, Friday, was a work day, I bade farewell to the folks on the long table, got up and walked over to the round table at which Cathy was sitting.
"Are you leaving?" Cathy asked as I approached the table.
"Yes" I replied. "Cathy, I have to thank you so very very much for making me feel comfortable. This is my very first experience of being out in the open so to speak, for a long long time. Thanks to you, and the great folks I have met tonight, you have made that experience an enjoyable one."
