Angaroo Itty

Australian Katrina Boswell arrived at LA airport to be greeted by an assistant PR person, camera-woman and soundperson.

Away to their right the candidate from the United Kingdom, actress and novelist Lisa Roughbottom, was besieged by the media, the CEO of the contest sponsors and a busload of semi-professional actors hired to create an orgy of excess in the ‘Welcome to America' animated revelry tailored to be selected as the lead item on the entertainment section of ‘News at Six'.

That is, unless sixteen people in the Middle East had blown themselves up making bombs or a heartthrob actor of the moment had been caught with his trousers down behind the wife of a Senator from the South.

The $1,000,000 Brains Trust of the Century contest organizers had made it quite clear that Lisa Roughbottom was to be fed the easy questions to ensure she won with Robert Tiplady from Texas to be runner up. They selected muddled Maggie O'Connor from Ireland as the other quarter-finalist.

Rigged? Of course not, it was simply accommodating sponsor's wishes to secure a satisfactory outcome for the viewing public and, of course, with the promotion corporation locking in sponsorship money for the staging of next year's contest.

Typical of people receiving ‘star' treatment, Lisa Roughbottom went by limo to the Oasis Haven where she was provided with a hunk taking the second lead in the "Adventures of a Randy Man'. The fact that Lisa was a dedicated lesbian had escaped the attention of the PR department.

Robert, Maggie and Kitty (she couldn't stand the name Katrina) were crammed into the assistant PR's small Japanese car and taken to the Motel Extraordinaire. The only thing extraordinary about this flea bit joint was that it managed to stay in business.

"That English woman has been picked to win this contest," said Robert.

"Over my dead body," Kitty simpered.

"What a body," oozed Robert.

"I want your body, Robert," Maggie sighed, wagging her eye lashes excessively.

"No sex for me until tomorrow night," Robert apologized. "I'm off to my room."

Maggie and Kitty watched his tight ass until the elevator doors closed behind it.

"Do you think he's gay?"

"Very happy I should think," Kitty responded.

"Oh, you misunderstood me – never mind. Do you drink?"

"A little bit, enough to drink and Irish girl under the table."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Right, let's waggle our asses to our rooms like Robert and come back down and find the bar."

Twelve drinks later Kitty had labeled Maggie as ‘Maggie ‘O Mammary ‘(they were 38c's} before Maggie slid to the floor unconscious, Maggie had dubbed her now white-faced and dangerously swaying companion, ‘Kangaroo Kitty'. Kitty adored her nickname and sang its praises in full-blown contralto when leading the two security men to deposit Maggie ‘O Mammary on to her bed.

The show to find the two finalists was held at Club Curacao and televised nationwide. The questions seemed unfair.

Master of Ceremonies, Freddie Peabody, resplendent in a gold, blue and silver iridescent body suit, swept his blonde wig back with a sweaty hand and began feeding the questions.

"Maggie: What is a moa – spelt m-o-a?"

"Nothing."

"Incorrect."

"Challenge!"

"Yes, Kitty?"

"Ask her what a moa was."

"Maggie, what was a moa?"

"A very large, flightless bird of New Zealand, now extinct."

"Correct, ten points."

"Robert: What is a rodeo?"

"A carnival to allow cowboys and cowgirls to display their skills."

"Correct, ten points."

"Lisa, what sea lies between Britain and Ireland?"

"The Scottish sea?"

"Is that your answer?"

"Yes, definitely."

"It's the Irish Sea – no points."

"Kitty, what is a swami?"

"An Indian title of respect for a Hindu saint or religious teacher."

"Er, are you sure?"

"Definitely."

"Er, ten points."

"Robert, define the meaning of a magnetic field."

"A field of force surrounding a permanent magnet or a moving charged particle in which another permanent magnet or moving charge experiences a force."

"Well done, Robert. That moves you to twenty points."

"Maggie, name two regions in which a mahout is indigenous."

"Um, India and...er...Pakistan?"

"I'm sorry, India and the East Indies according to the answer I have here. Fifteen points in total."

"Lisa, if the time on Big Ben in London is striking midnight, what time is it fifty miles south of London."

"Eleven o'clock?"

The master of ceremonies clutched at his ear-phone and nodded.

"Lisa. I suggest you carefully reconsider your answer, keeping in mind that the world is divided into time zones, each division being 15 degrees of longitude. Perhaps you may wish to reconsider your answer?"

The MC Freddie Peabody patted his sweating brow dry.

"Ten o'clock?" Lisa said brightly.

Freddie groaned, looking to the ceiling. "I am sorry; when Big Ben struck midnight it was exactly twelve midnight fifty miles south of London."

He wiped his brow again, looking anxiously to his right.

"Kitty, what is a Carolingian?"

"A member of the dynasty of the Carolingian Franks."

"Correct, ten points, taking you also to twenty points. So you and Robert progress to the final tomorrow evening."

"Thankyou for your very competitive participation, Maggie, and Lisa you did brilliantly but were dealt an unfortunate blow by the extremely difficult random questions that came your way. Well, ladies and gentlemen – that's all from us until tomorrow evening at seven o'clock from the final screening on the channel you are watching now. Good evening."

Lisa and Maggie were told to leave immediately, taking a cab to the airport. Kitty went with them, really to say goodbye to Maggie. Lisa was sobbing most of the time, feeling as if she were stripped of fame, but Maggie was relaxed and at the airport waiting for the midnight flight she and Kitty demolished a number of very potent Harvey Wallbangers.

Kitty returned to the motel after midnight to find Robert waiting for her in the bar.

"It's not fair," he said. "I've been told that I am to win the contest."

"Well, good luck to you Robert. Be a great champion for Texas."

"Thank you Kitty, you are a great competitor. May I sleep with you tonight?"

Kitty licked her lips. Christ, it had been eight days since she'd been shafted.

"Yes, but you must realize you won't get much sleep and I'll probably drain you of your energy so you may not cope well in tomorrow evening's final."

"I'll take my chances. It's been ten days since I've shafted anyone so I have a build-up to unload."

"Oh Robert, you are so romantic."

When in Robert's room she felt to find what he had behind his zip, Kitty wriggled her toes and felt a hot flush sweep her.

"God, Robert, is this all you?"

"I always aim to satisfy."

Kitty unzipped him and carefully divested it of clothing. She licked her lips and felt a release of juices trickle between her thighs - a part of her that was heating up like a compost pit.

"You possess an unbelievably beautifully sculptured penis?"

"Do I? I really don't get into the position to make comparisons."

"May I give it a working over?"

"Please do."

Robert lay back, hands under his head, preparing for a rip-roaring diddity-do mouth pounding for which woman from his home State of Texas are famous. Instead he felt a pathetic cat-like tongue stroking with an occasional flicks wrapping around the head. His penis stiffened, so obviously it had not problem with the administrations. Then the mouth went from him and he was about to groan in frustration when he felt his complete right-hand testicle being swallowed and jiggled around and then teeth clamp down between it and the top of its sack.

His eyes opened in horror, he didn't know this woman. He froze, wondering if he were about to be half castrated.

The tongue tickled the imprisoned testicle and he groaned but really thought it was his penis groaning in pleasure.

The testicle was allowed to roll out unharmed and in one plunge her mouth enveloped the whole of his penis and her lips smashed against his pelvis. Ohmigod, most women who sucked him complained about his length and thickness while others worked and worked to cram as much of it as they could into their oozing facial gash.

She'd had the full eight and a half inches swallowed before he finished saying ohmigod. He was unable to hold back, unable to warn her – he fired three salvoes and felt incredibly heroic.

On the second blast she was squeezing his balls, sending extra fire-power to his canon. His eyes watered and almost closed - red, white and black flashes blocking his vision.

His whole body jerked and he roared, "Oh fuck!"

She climbed up on him, cum dripping out of both corners of her mouth – the most beautiful whore he'd ever seen. He felt compelled to say in ultimate praise, "I love you" so that's what he said.

"No you don't," she cooed. "Your only interest in me is my three larger orifices."

"Eh?"

"You heard. Now it's your turn," she said, sitting on his face and throwing her head back and his tongue began clit-stroking while he occupied himself at finding how many fingers he could insert and waggle.

With his tongue tired, his neck aching, he knew when she tensed that she was cumming. She made no noise; her body simply heaved, near-drowning him in a massive ejaculation.

"God, you're good," she said, yawning. Want to lick me clean?" But big boy was already falling asleep."

Kitty went down to the bar, had a drink and a steak sandwich, and then went back to her own room, showered and went to sleep.

Next day they went out for lunch and walked a couple of beaches and then went back to their respective rooms to rest. Robert had made an alternative suggestion but Kitty reminded him some of his strength and brain power went out of his penis during sex and the recovery time was probably 24-hours.

After five rounds Robert was in the lead by five points. The final round commenced.

"Kitty, what is a threnody?"

"I don't know."

"Robert, I don't know."

"Kitty, what is a soiree?"

"An evening gathering in a private house at which guests listen to, play or dance to music."

"Excellent, ten points which takes you to thirty-five points, with Robert on thirty. Robert, what is the state bird of Texas?

"The mockingbird."

"Correct."

"Kitty, your final question which by the rules of this contest I must take from this sealed container: What is the exact distance of a marathon?"

She hesitated then looked confident: "Twenty-six miles and 385 yards."

"An excellent answer, correct. That leaves you on forty-five points and Robert on forty, so he only has to answer this final question correctly and he wins."

Freddy took the question from the sealed container and grinned.

"Robert, what is a flapper?"

Robert looked puzzled and finally answered. "A sheet drying in the wind?"

Freddie looked devastated and the audience groaned.

"I'm sorry Robert, but the answer I have here is a young woman of 1920's vintage, especially one who flaunted her unconventional behavior."

"Ladies and gentlemen, our winner is Kitty Boswell, from Two Creek in Australia's Northern Territory. Congratulations Kitty. We'll now go into a commercial break before awarding the prizes."

While assistants attended to Kitty's make-up during the break Kitty watched the PR people in damage control mode hovering over the company president and CEO of the sponsors. They were experiencing a torrid time.

Back on air, Freddie received his check for $25,000 and thanked the sponsors for producing breakfast foods which he said - reading the auto-cue - were extremely popular with children.

He added, with unauthorized recklessness, "Thank you Freddie for being such a patient quizmaster and I'd like to thank my rival for her awesome competition. I thought she came from a little region Down Under but she's convinced me that Australian's Northern Territory is twice the size of Texas. When I disputed that she said to me in a good old Aussie twang, 'Go bite your bum'. Kangaroo Kitty, you deserve your success."

The assistant PR person slumped to the floor in a faint, while her boss raced over to the sponsors screaming, "We're saved, did you hear that: Kangaroo Kitty! We must have her with that name on every packet of product."

"Is your nickname really Kangaroo Kitty?" asked Freddie, turning to Kitty.

"Yes – rather cute don't you think?" "I certainly do. Well, I'll call on the president of Body Building Foods Inc., Charles B. Buckwell Jnr to present you the winner's check of $75,000."

Back in bed that evening, in a suite in the Oasis Haven that had been booked for the contest winner, Kitty promised Robert as he stripped her that she'd visit Texas as soon as her immediate obligations to sponsor Kangaroo Kitty cereals were completed.

"Ooh, we'll have a great time together. We should get a clause inserted into that contract you are signing tomorrow requesting you be provided with a luxury RV for the duration of your contract and any renewals."

"You arrange that, Robert. You are my manager. Now, what have you got for me?"

"This," leered Robert, on his knees above her, holding a dripping penis in two hands.

"Roll over, darling. Big Tex has come to play with Kitty's clitty."

THE END