Amy had to remind herself that not all the men in the world were jerks. She just found the one impossibly stubborn mule. Sometimes when Amy broke up with someone or vice versa, there would be questions left unanswered, what ifs that she wished she would have considered before the end. Amy found that if she took the time to assess herself and what went wrong, she would have a higher probability of not repeating the same mistake.
Her most recent breakup was different from the rest. She considered every option before ending it so that there would be no unanswered questions, no what ifs.
When she met James, he seemed compatible enough with her and together they worked flawlessly despite some short comings. James had a knack for making her laugh. Humor was an integral part of her attraction to any guy. However, he wasn't too talkative. She was the type of girl who loved to talk, but not to herself. James wasn't the single word reply kind of guy, he was just a man of few words. He didn't circumvent his talking points, he was simply terse. In addition, James intrigued her with his philosophical musings.
At first the intimacy between them were undeniable sparks because intellectually James pushed her buttons and physically he took his time. Then as James became more and more comfortable in their relationship, he stopped trying. Amy began to wonder why their dynamic had changed. She often tried to get James to open up about their relationship but he always shrugged it off without a definite answer. In retrospect, Amy realized it was his way of trying to make things work, maybe. She needed answers, but perhaps for him there were no questions.
After three years given all the good and the bad, Amy realized that James wasn't willing and ready to make the compromises needed to further their relationships. He had no intentions of bettering his station in life, happy to live with his aging grandmother, working a five hours a day four days a week job that only paid nine dollars and hour. He didn't want to find a better more stable job because then he would have to give up his weed habit. Amy had no qualms with weed. She understood that it can help a plethora of people with many problems. She understood his given reason for using it but over the years, in her eyes, it became more and more recreational. James, perhaps he was truly plagued by anxiety, always was unwilling to accompany Amy to social gatherings of any kind, especially work related functions that required a professional or formal dress code. Then there were the never ending cultural clashes that Amy thought they could work through. She tried her best to patiently and thoroughly explain her cultural beliefs and customs to him. She tried to draw comparisons to his own, but he would refute her and repeatedly dismiss her beliefs as primitive, third world, ridiculous, and downright stupid. Amy didn't agree with his conclusions. She understood that although her Chinese beliefs and customs differ from his own white American beliefs and customs, they were and are still true for her and her family.
It was stressful and hurtful, more often than not, but she was willing to endure it. She was his first interracial, intercultural relationship. She had prior experience, but he needed time and practice. Amy would give him the time he needed to come around until James completely stopped the intimacy. She would give and he would take. His interest only held for as long as he was in the receiving end. Amy was left out. That's when her unhappiness sank in. Perhaps she would be wrong but given everything, Amy needed out.
So she got out.
...
It started as meaningless bantering between two complete strangers over the Internet.
Amy decided that to pass time and quite honestly to deal with pent up aggressions she would join an adult chatroom. It gave her the security of being in her own home and a sense of anonymity. Not having to actually meet someone face to face was a bonus. Besides, a naughty chat was fun and the best noncommittal option. It was near impossible to be let down or vice versa. She knew what she was doing when she logged onto the chat.
Amy was rusty from online chatting. She had previous experience back in her college days but those days were behind her. Thirty minutes after logging on and lurking, no one had pm'ed her yet. It was reassuring. It was quite. She had time to settle into her computer chair.
His pm was a simple.
Hello.
She wrote back
Hello
. She wondered if she should give her info right away, but decided to wait until prompt.
After a minute or so he wrote
How are you?
She replied
I'm good and you?
She couldn't bring herself to use u instead of spelling it out.
He hadn't replied yet when another pm flashed on her screen
hi.
Amy replied to the new pm as well.
Hi.
Her first pm had written back as she clicked over to check if he had replied.
Do you come here a lot?
She didn't even think of lying as she responded
I used to, but I've just returned recently.
Her other pm also wrote her.
a/s/l?
There it was, the old age, sex, location question. Getting down to business.
Instead of replying right away she clicked over and read
what brings you back?
She found herself typing
I'm recently single.
It was a simple answer that carried a lot of meaning.
She returned and answered the a/s/l question.
30/f/ca
The stranger on the other side of pm #1 wrote
I'm sorry about the breakup.
She replied
Don't be, it was for the better.
He wrote
so what are you looking for?
Chatting or RP
was her answer.
I hate RP, he wrote back, it's so fake.
She agreed that it was and wrote
true but I like it. No worries.
It was true. She did like it, but she wasn't looking forward to the usual roles that would come up.
She knew that everyone had their own vices. She had her own. She experience her own share of the usual parings she used to see around the adult chats: teacher/student, naughty neighbors, dads and their own daughters, brother/sister, and mother/son (all of which she always felt a bit uneasy). Other people enjoyed telling one another what to do and knowing their reaction. Some people liked watching each other, a digital version of mutual masturbation. Others like watching or being watched, a one way deal. There was even a niche for people who liked to listen and talk to each other for the time it takes to, well to cum.
When she was younger she would have been up for a more show and tell connection, but now she had other priorities in life and needed her privacy.
What do you look like?
5'1" with brown eyes and brown hair mid back in length. Asian, 38C. You?
Sexy. Brown hair and eyes 5'8" white lol
lol
Cute.
At this point no one else pm'ed her so she brought back her Word document from the background. Now that she was single again she could spend more time working on her novel that she started years ago in college. While she was in a relationship with James, she could not work on the novel while he was around. He would constantly violate her one rule: don't red over my shoulder unless I ask you to. He always had feedback for her, less constructive than useless.
She checked back in the chatroom tab.
He asked her
so what are up to?
She wrote back
I'm actually multitasking and working on my novel.
So why are you chatting on here?
It keeps my mind flowing.
And your juices flowing ;)
She typed
lol
because she was really laughing out loud. She hadn't considered if it would kept her juices flowing. She had no juices at the time.
She wrote
I wasn't aware of any juices flowing.
Right on beat he wrote
No one's given you a good reason to yet?
Perhaps. Or perhaps my buttons are just hidden well.
I will just have to find your buttons and push them.
You're welcome to try.
:D
