When you're not having luck finding women, what do you do?
At 32, holding a job as a low level corporate paper pusher, and having no luck with the ladies, I decided to take action. I'd never been to a singles bar before, but San Antonio has a few, and what the hey? Maybe something good would happen. So, Friday after work I went home, showered, changed into a nice-looking, clean set of clothes, and headed for the bar.
Not much happened for the first half hour. I sipped at a nonalcoholic beverage (I had to drive my own car back) and looked around, but didn't see a single decent-looking woman.
And then, in walks a woman who resembled a younger version of Dolly Parton. (She looked about 35: I later confirmed she was 36.) Big dyed platinum-blonde hair, big bust, big butt, big legs, and about six feet tall. Well, they do say everything's bigger in Texas.
She orders a beverage, receives it, and settles at a nearby table. I get up to walk over to her and start getting looks from the other men that are best described as, "Uh-oh, this newbie doesn't know what he's in for."
I sit down facing her, and before I can say a word, she flashes a 500-watt smile. "You're a fresh face. Nice to meet you. I'm Karen."
"A pleasure to meet such a lovely lady. I'm Pete."
"Is your tongue always that silver?"
"I was just being honest."
"Let's skip the buying drinks and flirting and game playing part of the evening, Pete. You came here looking for a woman to bed. Women can be just as horny as men. I came here looking for a man to take home for the night. You wanna follow me home? I assume you drove here."
"I did, and I accept your offer, Karen."
As I rose and started following Karen back towards the entrance to the bar, one of the guys I passed shook his head sadly and whispered, "You're in for it now. Good luck, son, you're going to need it."
I parked in one of the guest slots and followed Karen into her apartment. She gave me the fastest apartment tour in history, ending in the bedroom, and in an eyeblink, she had stripped her clothes off. I shucked mine in a hurry, and after the two of us made pit stops, we climbed onto her large bed.
Karen was on me in a flash, rolling me onto my back and planting her lips against mine. Before I had a chance to process what was going on, she pried my mouth open and jammed her tongue inside, forcing it halfway down my throat. I kissed her back in self-defense, and when she finally broke her lip-lock on me, I gulped down air.
Karen slid my body downward so that my face was practically pressing against her chest. "You like my big tits, Pete?"
"They're gorgeous, Karen, as is the rest of you."
"Good. Kiss 'em."
I wasn't about to say no to that. I locked my lips around one of her nipples and began sucking.
"Mmmmm. Good boy."