Hold Me Dear to Your Heart

I woke at about 5 a.m., and looked around. Next to me, this sexy, sweet man, built like a brick house with a heart of gold, was soundly sleeping...and snoring.

I picked my clothes up off the floor and walked into the kitchen. To say I was thirsty would be an understatement as I chugged two glasses of water before putting my clothes...well, Kimberly's clothes on. I grabbed the notepad and pen and sat down to jot a quick note, before getting my purse and keys.

"Laz-

This weekend has been amazing and you helped me realize that a life without happiness is no life at all.

I will call you as soon as I can.

Passionately Yours,

Laura"

I left my clothes from Friday night in the room. As far as I was concerned they were trash.

I drove home, not knowing how I was going to handle things. I'd had my phone off since Friday night and didn't bother turning it on now. I think I was more afraid that he hadn't called worried about me than he had called angry or hurt.

When I walked in the house, I felt like I was in some stranger's house. Everything seemed so surreal and, as if it had come from some distant memory. I'd only been gone two days and it felt like a lifetime. But I had been gone a lifetime...to a different life. It didn't have to be mine to keep to know that the options were out there.

I walked to the bedroom and there Mike was sleeping, and snoring, as if content with his world. Who knows? Maybe he was.

I got in the shower, knowing it wasn't likely I would wake him. Cleaning and running my hands over the inches of my body that Laz had awakened only hours ago. When I got out, I towel dried my hair; put on a little bit of make-up and went to get dressed.

Three days ago, I would have grabbed sweat pants and a t-shirt or a long skirt and simple shirt. But not today; I was done being the dowdy, depressed wife. That day, I dug out my shortest pair of shorts and a tank top.

I went to the kitchen and pulled a notebook out of the drawer, grabbing a pen from my desk, I sat down to write. With so many feelings, years of hurt and love inside me, I thought it would take me a long time to write it, but it took less than 15 minutes.

"Mike-

I love you and I always will but it's been so long since we were in love with each other. I don't know if you'll admit it or not but I can't play this game anymore.

We have had a wonderful life, raised amazing kids but that, unfortunately, is in the past. I don't blame you or myself and I'm really not even angry. It's just time for some changes, for both of us.

I will be in touch.

Love,

Laura"

I stuck the note on the fridge, knowing the first place, after the bathroom, Mike would go when he woke, was to get his morning Mountain Dew.

I went to my office and made quick work of packing up my laptop, important papers and the tub with my collection of family photo albums, along with other odds and ends, I needed on a daily basis. Making sure I had put everything I needed in the car, I went back into the house one last time.

I didn't want to look around and feel nostalgic but I did. This is where Mike and I had lived for most of our marriage; raised our three boys; celebrated holidays and birthdays; laughed and cried. It was a big chunk of me, I was leaving here. The things you can't pack and take with you would remain here.

I took my house keys off the ring and set them on the table by the doorway; locking the door behind me as I headed for the car. I didn't look back again. I got in the car and pulled out of the driveway.

Stopping at the gas station, I got a cold drink and filled up the gas tank. When I got back in the car, I put on my seatbelt and picked up my cell phone.

"Hello," came a groggy voice after the third ring.

"Hey, it's Laura, can I crash at your place for a while?"

Chuckling I heard, "sure thing, sis, you gonna drive all the way to Florida to stay a few days?"

"Nope, I'll be there sometime tomorrow and I don't know how long I'll be staying with you."

"It's about time, hon. I'll make up the guest room; come stay as long as you want."

Hanging up the phone, I started the car and put on my sunglasses, I cranked the radio... ironic that Freedom Deep by INXS just happened to be playing on the radio. Let the journey begin!

THE BEGINNING