Joel & Mrs. Limber

Joel & Mrs. Limber 01

Well, the neighborhood has been coming back together since the storms and I actually managed to sneak in enough rest to actually give Mrs. Kant a load of heavy cream that was cream colored instead of watery clear, so, Joel is back baby!

But the damn storms left their mark on the community and a total repair and rebound was still a little way out in the future.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Hello? I mean, well hello there! How can I help you today? And the answer is yes."

"(Giggle) Hi, I'm Luci Limber and I'm knocking on doors today to spread the word about a "Please Fund Me" account for my mom's fruit stand. I'm not asking for donations, but I'm asking people to at least consider adding to the fund to help my mom. The storm blew up her fruit stand."

"What? OMG! Is Mrs. Limber, OK? Didn't she have insurance for her fruit stand? Are you stepping into my house? Are you single?"

"(Giggle) Ah, maybe, yes, I could do that and well, unfortunately, yes. Anyways, the insurance is working to repair her fruit stand, but mom's home owner's insurance is fighting some of her medical claims. I mean, you know my mom, right? She was inside of the fruit stand trying to hold the walls together and now, (giggles) let's just say that Mrs. Limber isn't so limber for a few weeks. Two sprained wrists and two sprained ankles. So, will you be willing to review the fund-raising website? I want mom to have the best braces and we need to rent one of those "get around" electric cart for a few weeks."

Oh, so that's what sad puppy dog eyes look like, huh?

"Oh, sure, ah, come in and we'll log on right now!"

"Cool, ah???"

"Joel. And don't mind my messy house. I've, ah, I've been busy lately. Please enter. My laptop is open on the kitchen table."

Well, well, well, Mrs. Limber really knows how to spread her DNA around, doesn't she?

"OK, Luci, have a seat at the kitchen table and we'll do this together. I mean, you sit down and I'll just reach around over your shoulders when I need to enter my personal info, OK?"

"Alright then, let's see, logging on and waiting for the website to load and I'm 22 and single, in case that comes up on the donation info page."

"OK then, let me just reach around you to fill out the personal info section and you might be 22, but you are not single."

"Alright, I'll take it from here and searching for my mom's page and my boyfriend dumped me for some floozy chicklet nurse at the hospital when we took my mom in for treatment after the storm."

"I got this one, so entering my Platinum member credit card number and your ex is an idiot and oh my, look at that, will you? It says that idiot's leave behind such valuable treasures."

"Alright, I'll take this screen and I'm confirming that we are donating of our own free will and that we have reconfirmed that we are donating to the correct recipient and I'm not mad that you're peeking down my shirt, you know, from your angle and all.

"OK, well, scrolling down the pre-entry list of suggested donations to find an appropriate amount and I think you're making your low-cut shirt even lower, not that I'm complaining from my angle of typing over your shoulder. Ah, you seem to glow."

"And clicking on this suggested donation because I'm glowing because I liked what I saw when you opened the door for me and because mom will look good on a cherry apple battery cart, right? Did I go to far down the list of suggestions, Joel?"

"Well, if I may take control of the keyboard for a moment, I think we could go at least one line lower, you know, if I might find your panties under my pillow tonight as I lay on my bed and day dream about what great afternoon delight sex we shared today."

Click (submit, LOL, even one "suggested" line lower than my idea)

"Oops. Guess I'm leaving house your commando up top and down below."

Ah, what the hell, right? Also, whoever invented her type of bra (a "shelf" bra???), well, thank you.

"Listen Mr. 3 Times, that was pretty amazing afternoon sex, but you know how break ups go, right? There's a chance that me and the boyfriend could get back together, right? And OMG, OMG, OMG, thank you for wearing the condoms! I hate them, but safety first, right Joel?"

"Well, LOL, I may know a little something about how partners come and go, however, if you haven't noticed?"

"What? Again? Is your missile man cock some kind of magic cock? LOL, maybe I truly found my new boyfriend. So, how? And by that, I mean, wow, Joel, you have a lot to offer a woman and by that, I mean I was a butt sex virgin when I knocked your door, if that's something you're interested in. But with a condom for lube and cleanliness, OK babe? I still have to visit with mom today and all, right?"

Well, well, well, I will draw your attention a few stories where I clearly stated that I accommodated people, right? That's right, she asked and she received!

"So, missile man Joel, promise to keep me around until I get back with boyfriend? And maybe for a while after? And please, don't think poorly of me, but, LOL, I have never walked down a street to my car before being 100% commando underneath, so I might shake things a little."

"You're my girl now, right Luci? And LOL, the neighbors are going to love watching you walk to your car."

"Oh, I'm your girl, Joel and that's our relationship bed now. And remember, you promised to be there when the truck drops off the electric cart. I can't wait to see mom's eyes! Oh, and, ah, just where did you learn to kiss like that? You know what, never mind, that's none of my business. Tongue me deep baby and then I need to go."

Well, well, well, I will draw your attention a few more stories back where I clearly stated that I was ready for some sex with club age girls and who knew that one would knock on my door, right?

"LOL, who built the temporary ramp, Luci? I mean, LOL, not safe!"

"Oh, my silly uncle, but mom needed a way to get in and out of the house, right? And by the way, LOL, she calls it her launch pad, LOL, unlike your missile launch pad. Hey, do you want to sneak up to my old bedroom while mom is popping wheelies up and down the sidewalk? I mean, 56 seconds, right missile man?"

That's right! There are a few times in life when popping off so easily comes in handy, like when her mom is busy popping wheelies up and down the sidewalk.

"OK Joel, you're killing me here. I want you and need you, but I've been talking to the ex-boyfriend. You figured that, right?"

"I have figured that baby and I want you too, but you go figure things out. And by the way, is that him who just pulled up?"

"Tongue me quick babe! We're just going to dinner, so hang back and say good bye to mom after we leave. Oh, and none of this to my mom, you hear me?"

"Heard, Luci, heard."

Hmmm, secret relationships kind of suck, but she did suck a quick one out of me in her old bedroom, so life sucks, so what?

"Watch out! Momma Lydia is entering the house the hard way!"

Oh, and life sucks even harder if you don't get out of the way.

"OMG, I thought my daughter would never leave, right? OMG, look at this, will you?"

"What? Look at what Mrs. Limber?"

"Well, genius, when I pull my cherry apple cart right next to you, well, look at that? My mouth is at the perfect height for you to drop your zipper and let me thank you proper for the amazing donation!"

Huh? She was right about, but she misspoke when she said I could lower my zipper. I mean, she did that, right?

"And I'm a tough old bird, Joel, so face fuck me as hard as you want to. I have never gagged from a man's hard cock. Oh, and by the way, this is not the only thank you that can expect, so get to it Tiger. Give momma Limber's mouth a test drive."

Circling back again, I accommodate people. Also, nope, I could not gag her and yup, she was a tough old bird.

"Damn, that was fast, but pretty good, if I do say so myself. Oh, and none of this to Luci, you hear?"

"Heard, Mrs. Limber, heard."

"So, ah, maybe you should stop by again tomorrow and make sure that I'm properly charging the batteries on this cart, right Joel?"

"A proper charge is important, so OK, I can accommodate that request. And were you going to practice or figure out anything tonight, Mrs. Limber?"

"Please, you just came in my belly, so call me Lydia. And yes, I will figure something out, but for now I have figured out that I lay flat on belly with my arms and legs stretched out spread eagle, but I can't prop up yet. Ah, did you want to see how far my research has gone? Like another type of a test drive?"

Hey, nothing bad ever happened from taking a test drive, although it was a very difficult position without any upward propping up whatsoever and I didn't want to hurt her. I never thought about before, but a little propping seems to be required.

"Well, Lydia, first of all, OMG, your naked body is amazing, but the risk of further injury looks great."

"However, Joel?"

"Well, however, I could hot dog the hell out of your butt crack, but I think that's more for me than you."

"And another however, Joel? I mean speaking of my butt, right?"

"Given the height and angle, yes, that's an option, but it will be on you to let me know if the shaking, bouncing and rolling is hurting any or all of your sprains."

"Well, Joel, I was a butt slut for my lousy no-good faggot cheating ex-husband before I caught him figuring what butt sex felt like from some twinkle toe faggot named Butch, so get all up in there and let's see how it goes. LOL, and I promise, I will scream if I need to scream."

Oh, and two wrist braces and two ankle braces, well that's almost the same as having wrist and ankle restraints. I'm sure she plowed through it, but she held that awkward position for an entire missile launch.

"Shoot, that was cool and all Joel, but grab a towel and push it under me. I sort of forgot about that and I already said I used to be a butt slut for the ex-hubby, so not one single word about how quickly your goo oozes back out of my loose butt hole, young man! But hey, nice job forcing your goo up in there in the first place."

"One towel being pushed as gently as I can, butt slut momma."

"By the way, earlier, when you said that I looked amazing laying on belly naked, well, I know I have a fat ass, so if I'm going to be your woman, we can be honest with each other."

"LOL, by the way, ah, the night gown that I took off you, the one you wore to pop wheelies up and down the street, well, quite honestly, it was a tad sheer, not that your neighbors were complaining. I mean, if we're going to be all honest and stuff."

"I'll get better soon enough Joel, but there's nothing wrong with a couple of blow jobs a day, right? I mean, you just came in my mouth and in my butt, so I'm your woman now and a couple of blow jobs a day until I can properly get on my hands and knees for is OK, right Joel?"

"I would expect nothing less from my woman."

"Ooh, Joel, are you poking around back there again? I can't twist my head to see, baby. Ah, maybe you can try to shove a couple of pillows under my hips? I mean, I think I can dig my knees into the mattress of our relationship bed for 37 seconds to protect my ankles. I mean, you want to get some of my pussy too, right? And I know you want that because I know you were hard for me from my sheer night gown while I was popping wheelies and then when you were soft when I got back, well, that's all because of your woman, right? And circling back to being honest with each other, well, at first, I thought you were hard for my daughter, but when you were limp on my return trip, well that's when I knew you wanted me, right baby?"

"Ah, right Lydia, but hear me and hear me good, none of to your daughter, you hear me?"

"Heard, Joel, heard. Now get a couple of pillows under me and see what you can do, missile man. We haven't kissed yet, by the way."

"That's honeymoon stuff, Lydia. Ah, I'm in baby."

"And my ankles are fine, so drill me missile man, drill me good for the entire 37 seconds."

You know, thinking back, I'm one lucky SOB with the way my women talk to me. They have been totally honest with me and have never failed to tell me what to do and how to do it. The life of Riley, I say, the life of Riley, LOL, whoever Riley is.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Joel, we broke up again after dinner. I'm spending the night tonight in our relationship bed, alright?"

"Perfect and I cleaned out 5 of 6 dresser drawers for you, just like you asked, Luci."

"Cool and I'm not ready to tell my momma about this yet, but Joel, will you propose to me? I promise that I won't say "no" and I promise that I'll turn our relationship bed into the best martial bed ever."

"Luci Limber, with this diamond ring that I bought on my way home from your momma's house earlier tonight, will you marry me?"

"Yes, yes, yes and OMG, you need to protect me by increasing your life insurance policy because I promise to try to kill you with SEX! Also, my momma might try to kill you too, so update the policy either way."

So, there it was, we exchanged rings. I slipped a huge diamond on her ring finger and she slipped a cock on my cock in the hopes that my best of 193 seconds would increase to anything over 220 seconds. It didn't work, but my other and I mean like my fifth bride to be was as happy as could be.

"Hey, where are you going, Luci? I thought you were spending the night and not going to talk to your momma ever again about any of this because seriously, I'm pretty close to getting knocked off."

"Oh, my silly Joel, you surprised me with a marriage proposal and a ring, so I'm going out for a while to show off (and have jealously sex with my ex), so I'll be back and we'll break in our engagement bed after all (my jealousy sex) and after I tell my momma everything."

Sorry folks, but this may be my last story for a while, but if you're interested, I always wanted light hearted music to be played at my funeral.

End Joel & Mrs. Limber 01