Welcome to penultimate chapter of the Clark Howard story. I hope you enjoyed the buffet of tropes I tried to work up into an original format. This story went its own way on me as I wrote it, and I had fun copying it all down.
As always, I am not going for deep truths or gritty realism. The aim for me is a plausibly ridiculous course of events. Do not even think of taking this story as relationship advice.
Oh, and apologies. As Britney would say, 'Oops, I did it again.' Sorry to Hot Boss for changing her name to Tanya for an entire chapter for no reason. Her name is Thalia.
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Guilty Pleasures - Twelve
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Our resolve to try to act like a couple in an early stage of discovering a relationship and not have full on sex until later lasted... five days.
That Friday, the neighborhood get together was at Walt and Tina's. They had rented an inflatable outdoor movie screen, and used their projection TV to show Jaws in their backyard. It was a gas. That movie holds up.
Before the movie began, Monica and I arrived together. And by together, I mean, arm in arm, being clingy and cuddly.
We were a subject of conversation...
The subtext of what people were saying about Monica was that she had deservedly traded way up, which was quite flattering to me, though considering Stain's reputation, I wasn't exactly meeting a high bar. The subtext of what they were saying about me was that I didn't deserve to be so lucky. I could not have agreed more.
The movie was fun, with movie theater-style bags of popcorn and lots of beer. Interestingly, when the film ended, Yancey and Wanda actually made an early exit, which was largely unheard of. The credits had barely rolled when they were up and saying their thanks to Walt and Tina, waving to a few people including Monica and myself, and beating a hasty retreat down the street.
I sensed that they were eager to have a few hours together without Monica around, being embarrassed and aroused by their antics. I definitely had a specific idea about how to help them with that problem permanently, but I could not pull that trigger yet. I needed to have some evidence that Monica and I were going to work before I risked uprooting her life for a change of address.
The two of us didn't even spend the evening joined at the hip, either. We both wandered around like everybody else, having our own conversations. It was all delightfully normal overall, with the even more delightful exception of Peter pulling me aside at one point and hissing in my ear, "You are a fucking hero, you asshole!"
We did leave together, which would set tongues wagging some more, we were both sure. We giggled about it as we weaved, only slightly tipsy, out the front door and down the street.
When we reached Wanda snd Yancey's place, which was on the way toward mine, Monica looked up at the house and said, "Wow, they are still going in there."
"How can you tell?" I asked, amused but fully believing her.
"The hall light is still on. It is always the last thing they turn out before they genuinely go to sleep."
"Well, come back and have a nightcap at my place, so we can give them more time. I can't have an innocent like you being exposed to those kind of noises, can I?"
Monica laughed, wrapped her arm once more through mine, and we walked on toward my house.
"Spoken like a man who has been exposed to those specific noises himself, or at least one side of them," she said slyly.
"Um, well..." Wanda does make good noises...
Monica chuckled and whispered in my ear, "I think it is time you to tell me at least one of those tales tonight. And while you do, I'm finally, finally going make love to my man."
Well, there went our idea of keeping our own sex down to a simmer while we fitted ourselves into this relationship.
Nope, was not going to argue about it.
"I do seem to dimly remember that we have had sex before..." I mused, transitioning my arm from hers to around her waist as we walked.
"We've horsed around a little on your couch," she began.
"Horsed around? That was one of the best blowjobs of my life!" I objected.
"I told you, that's just how I like to fill in gaps in my day," she smirked.
Jesus, she was selling that joke like she meant it...
"And the four hours of hot, sweaty, transcendent Stain removal?"
"That was more like much needed therapy, which I thank you for... along with some pretty shameful revenge on my part," Monica said. "Tonight I want to make love to my man."
"And you want us to do it while I tell you about how I fucked your buddy," I said. It was not a question. It was one of the central pillars of how we intended to make 'Us' work. I was fairly certain that I was falling in love with this woman. She sure seemed like she was trending that way too. I certainly hoped so. But I had learned the hard way, that I, no matter how wrong the situation, was not equipped to say no. And she had a need to not say no. Telling tales would be how we could manage to be 'faithful' to each other. And get super turned on doing it...
"Oh, you know it," Monica agreed breathily. "Listening to your sex stories almost gets me off on a barstool in a crowded BW3. But naked? With you inside me? I'm ruining this underwear right now in anticipation!"
I will admit that my pants were less than comfortable at the moment either. We turned the corner onto my street.
"You had a date last night, if I remember. I still don't even know with who. I'm going to need to some details on that as well," I said merrily.
"Nope," Monica laughed.
"Nope? There are no details?" I asked, disappointed.
"Oh there are details," she said happily. "But tonight is about the Clark and Wanda saga. Tomorrow I'll tell you about my mere dalliance while you make love to me some more."
"I'm liking this plan," I said, turning my face to bury it in her sweet-smelling blonde locks. "But you only get a first taste of the Clark and Wanda tale tonight. I'm going to dole it out in small doses, and there is a lot to tell. The best stuff, you will have to
earn
!"
"Tease!" she poked me in the ribs.
"Exactly." I sobered for a moment. "As long as we both disclose the basic who and when, we can have fun with the actual details later, right?"
We were still working out our Rules.
"I think that works," Monica said. "And can we talk about if we need prior approval? I mean, spontaneous events will happen. I
want
spontaneous events to happen. But if either of us decides to make a conscious, premeditated run at someone, maybe we need to run that by each other in advance? And if it is someone that we both know, I'd like to actually require a prior discussion, at least for a first time. That way, we avoid any hidden landmines."
"A first time?"
"Come on, Clark. You are incapable of a one-night stand, even with random, semi-anonymous, leggy Vietnamese women on the other side of the planet."
"Fair."
We were at my front door. I opened it and let her in. As the door closed, she flowed against me and we kissed deeply, wordlessly. The rules-lawyering discussion could resume another day, though I was finding even that negotiation kind of arousing.
I felt Monica tugging upward on my shirt, and I stopped her. "No. Not here. If we get started here, we will just end up doing it here, on the rug." I took her hand and led her happily up to my bedroom. There was a cessation of conversation as we undressed each other with intense focus.
Okay, we kissed each other a lot, but that was the only diversion during the process of getting naked.
Then I actually pulled back the covers on the bed so we could get in and under them. I wanted this to be the two of us fully and completely in my bed. Together.
Our naked bodies wrapped around each other as we reveled in the feeling of cool, fresh sheets surrounding us. I bent and devoured a breast. My hand slipped between her legs, exploring her opening, and leaving me gratified by how slick she was already.
Monica grasped my cock firmly and murmured in my ear, "I think I need to suck this cock now..."
"Oh, you think so, do you?" I asked archly.
"Yeah," she chuckled. "You are going to be doing the talking for a bit, so my mouth has time for fun."
But I was having none of it. "No," I said firmly, rolling myself over atop her, pressing her body into the softness of my memory foam mattress topper. "I want to do this inside of you. Every time you've gotten me to tell you a tale, I've nearly always been wishing a little in the back of my mind that I was fucking you instead of talking. I'm going to do both now."
"Fuck, this is such a good idea," Monica sighed as I sank into her.
I barely got through Wanda's cleavage antics during our date, and breathlessly detailed her first time sucking my cock on the very same rug I had insisted Monica and I evacuate a half hour before, when we were both climaxing in a wild, loud punctuation.
I lay atop Monica, trying not to let all my weight press down on her body, and we both gasped in companionable silence.
"So what did you do next?" she asked me at last, a grin relighting her exhausted face.
"No, I think that is all you get to hear tonight," I said, caressing her chin softly. "The rest of tonight is just about you and me."
"I can definitely get behind... and on top of that," she giggled. "After you let me out from under you so I can run to the bathroom!"
I did not fuck Monica again that evening. But I certainly did make love to her, and she to me, along with lots of auxiliary activity. It was wonderful, but not nearly so wonderful as the simple fact that she stayed with me after, and we drifted off to sleep together in my bed. Our bed.
Speaking of wonderful, I slept like a rock, with the security of someone else in the bed with me for the first time in years. In the waning years of our marriage, Rebecca had been a familiar presence. Now, Monica was a reassuring one.
And most wonderful of all, I woke Saturday morning with morning wood already encased between tender lips...
I lifted my sleepy head, traded a thankful look with Monica's happy eyes, and let my head sink back into the pillow. I sighed as she, now that she knew I was awake, shifted gears from woman who was simply luxuriating in her toy, to a woman who was on a mission because she was hungry for breakfast, both figuratively and literally.
I did not know how long she had been enjoying herself before I broke free from Nod, but I could quickly tell that, while I was going to enjoy myself... and to the fullest, I was not going to enjoy myself for long.
Her sudden sense of urgency was quite contagious, as her hand massaged my base swiftly, and her lips slid up and down and around my swollen helmet with a perfect touch. I groaned mightily and felt myself serving up her first breakfast of the morning in a climax that felt simultaneously rushed and exquisitely languid.
"Wake up, sleepy head!" were her first words to me, as she finally let my happy cock pop free of her lips.
"You could easily wake the dead," I gasped. "But please don't try. I prefer living in this high-quality porno to living in an episode of Zombieland!" Monica merely giggled as I pulled her up for a cuddle. "Omlettes?" I asked.
"I could whip up some of those," she said happily. "Assuming you have eggs?"
"I was offering, not asking, you ninny," I said reprovingly. "And of course, I have eggs."
I rolled out of bed, searching for my robe, because I do
not
cook in the nude. I found mine, but realized that I did not have a lady-appropriate robe in the house. That was something I needed to rectify... possibly that very day. Monica solved my dilemma by simply grabbing the white button-down shirt I had worn the night before and throwing it on, buttoning all of two buttons.
There is nothing sexier that a thoroughly rumpled woman wearing nothing but one of your shirts...
We padded down to the kitchen, and as I got things going, we both checked our phones, because of course we did. This is the twenty-first century, and we are addicted. There was a new group text on both our phones, from Wanda, and including Yancey as well.
WANDA:
