Chapter 1: Olivia
Did you know, according to the US patent filed in 1908, a paper cup is comprised of ten separate features?
Wild right? Like it's such a simple invention, how could it possibly have ten different parts? But it does. It has a sealed peripheral lip, a semi-rigid rim structure, a curl. I'd looked it up on my phone earlier in the night. Simple things are super complicated. How often do we take the time to really look at our world, to listen, to see what's in front of -
"Robbie?"
"Huh, what?" I garbled, jolting back into the world. I looked up. An unenthusiastic party light was tossing circles of neon red and green around the room. A Jason Derulo song thudded in the background, its Spanglish lyrics completely obscured by the track's bass.. A few bodies twisted on the dancefloor, a few more were chatting in the kitchen. I was slumped in a beanbag and was seriously eyeballing the red Solo cup in my hand. Patent 7134566.
"Robbie? Dude, fucking look alive!" That was my best friend Napoleon. Pretentious douchebag name, Napoleon. His parents thought it would give him some esteem, some nobility. It didn't, and everyone just called him Nap.
"Right. Sorry man, just got a lot on my mind." I said, turning to him. He was dressed in a stupid striped brown and yellow shirt and was rocking a felt hat that he'd found last week at the campus thrift. He looked otherwise completely unremarkable: short brown hair, nice teeth, green eyes. "Do you ever think about the different parts of a cup? What their names are?"
"What? No, shut up for a second. Did you hear anything I just said?" He said seriously. He looked past me and flashed a smile. I turned to follow it and saw Debbie McMahon returning a smile of her own, before putting her drink down on the table and walking outside.
"Not a word," I said honestly. "Take two?"
"Hopeless you are. Okay, so here's what I was thinking. Tonight might finally be chance to get with Debbie! You saw her just now, she practically just gave me permission to come aboard!" He was talking fast. "I've been in her DMs for weeks now, I'm telling you dude, she's good to go". He was right, he'd been messaging Debbie for over a month. Debbie was his girl of the moment. Nap was always swooning over some girl or another, with varying degrees of success. And why not Debbie McMahon? She was hot. Debbie was a sophomore, nineteen, and had caused quite a stir when she started last year. She had long, blonde hair with that brown streak that was so popular in the mid two-thousands. Her body was petite and tight, except for her ass. Her ass was massive. I'd catch myself watching it bounce across the plaza while I was on break. Two round globes that pushed out against her denim jeans and made the threads hold together for dear life. Rumour was she didn't even squat, she was just blessed by the ass fairy. God I was jealous that she even gave Nap the time of day.
"Oh yeah? That's great" I said. Nap was looking at me expectantly. His eyes darted to one side and then back to centre.
"Okay so I need your help though," he said, launching into a pitch. Nap was studying politics and international relations, and he could be very convincing. I braced.
"What do you want me to do here Nap?" I started. "I've never so much as spoken ten words to her-"
"You've never spoken ten words to any girl here." He laughed. Ouch. He was right though, I hadn't seen much female attention since I started at Manning College, and Nap knew that better than anyone. He carried on as if he hadn't just run a bulldozer over my ego. "but that's going to change right now. Look". He put his arm over my shoulder and pivoted us so that we were staring across the party.
There were maybe thirty people here tonight, packed into this little house a few miles off campus. The house was pretty simply, sparsely decorated. There were some snacks on the kitchen bench, a cooler full of cheap no-brand beers in the corner, an impromptu dance floor between two leather couches. I knew pretty much everyone here. Tammy Winkler, Scott and Damien Thompson, Kyle; this was his house. Megan. Winona. Johan. It wasn't a big school. Typical customers in a pretty typical party house. I wasn't sure what I was meant to be looking at.
"What am I looking for here, Nap?" I quizzed. He narrowed his eyebrows and pointed. He was whispering in my ear at this point as my eyes followed his outstretched arm. It landed on a girl that I'll admit, I'd never seen before.
"That's Olivia. She's Debbie's friend from back in O'Neil, she's visiting for the week. She's a weird chick by all accounts."
I furrowed my brow as I took Olivia in, swaying softly on the dance floor and talking to Pete Gibson. What I noticed first was that she was wearing gloves. Like black leather driving gloves that went half way up her arm. She had a pretty face; full-lips and deep green eyes. Olivia was fairly short, a little um.. full figured? Is that the polite way to say chubby? She was wearing a dark T-shirt with some anime character on it, black jeans, weird rainbow converses. Not really my type. I looked at Nap. He must have read my concern.
"No dude, it's totally alright. Deb says she's kind of spacey. Like they were good friends in high school, for sure, but they've drifted a bit. Can't imagine why." He winked. Olivia did an awkward sashay and left the dancefloor. "So here's my proposal, hear it out. I need to make sure that Olivia has somewhere to be tonight, or else Deb can't go home with anyone-Can't go home with me! Gotta get the weird friend out of the picture so I can go in for the kill."
I watched Olivia reaching for a bag of chips, knocking it over in the process. A hundred tiny potato thins cascaded onto the kitchen floor. She looked up sheepishly. I turned away.
"No-"
Nap had anticipated by objection already. "Hey, hey, hey. Think about it man. When was the last time you had sex?" I thought on it. There was a girl in my last year of high school who I'd spent one awkward evening with before filing the encounter away and never speaking about it. "See, that's what I thought! And it kills me to see you like this Robbie, it really does. I haven't heard you talk about a single woman in this place, except for Caroline Woods and everyone knows that's not happening".
Caroline was easily the best looking girl in the whole university. I wondered how she had even ended up stuck here with us unremarkables. She was an absolute goddess. A face like a supermodel, with pouty lips, innocent baby-blue eyes and freckles that made me melt. Tan, smooth skin, long legs. I'd seen her a few times at the campus gym and I was gobsmacked. A tight, flat stomach and enormous breasts. The campus rumour mill told me she had to wear three sports bras to keep them in place, and even that seldom did the trick. Each one was as big as her head. Every inch of fat on this girl had accumulated on her chest. Caroline and her perfect face, her ridiculous boobs, she'd haunted my dreams for the last two years. Of course I hadn't actually had an interaction with her. Not yet. Anyway.
"Okay now I know Olivia is no Caroline Woods. Hell, she's not even Caroline Kennedy. But everyone has to start somewhere and I'm compelling you dude, start with her." Olivia was cleaning up the mess she'd made, awkwardly scooping chips into her hands. I looked at her ass - big and shapeless. Nap tightened his grip on my neck. "More importantly Robbie, if you won't put the moves on her for yourself, you've gotta try for me!"
"You? Fuck off Nap, why should I do anything for you?"
"Because I'm your boy Robbie. We're in this together. My success equals your success. Never forget that". He turned so that we were eye to eye. I'm a foot taller than Robbie, so he really had to work to make eye contact. "We came out here together, man. We live together. When we graduate, we're moving to the city and starting an empire together, yeah? We'll be rich. And I'll have Debbie McMahon on my arm, and you'll be fucking whatever movie starlet or Instagram influencer you want! Hell, you might even land Caroline Woods! Anything could happen." He was full of shit. Everyone knew it. I knew it. We'd graduate by the skin of our teeth, he'd go and be some low-level diplomat for relationships with Whereverthefuckistan. I'd fix computers at a High school or something equally boring. But just for a second, I believed him and I wanted to hitch myself to his wagon. I thought about Caroline Woods in a low-cut golden dress, huge tits bulging out as I took her hand to dance. I looked down at Napoleon. I looked back at Olivia rush out the back door to meet back up with Debbie somewhere outside. I finished the whisky in my cup in one big mouthful.
"Fuck it, okay!" I said.
Nap punched the air and whooped. "Yes! Robbie, you are the best friend I've ever had!"
I rolled my eyes and steered him at the door to the back patio. "Yeah, yeah," I said. "Let's go,".
**
Outside was a little quieter, which was nice. There was a nice breeze sweeping through the backyard. A couple people were smoking cigarettes by the bins, laughing intermittently. Debbie and Olivia were chatting against the back fence. Nap walked right up to them, dragging me behind him. I'll admit, I was nervous. Sure, Olivia wasn't really that attractive, and she hadn't impressed me from what I'd seen of her physical prowess. But she was still a woman. A woman I was going to try and seduce. I gulped.
"Ladies, ladies, ladies!" Nap shouted as he arrived. "How are you Debbie?"
Debbie turned and smiled at him. "Oh hey Napoleon!" She said, voice landen with genuine enthusiasm. "Hey Robbie." That one was a little less enthusiastic. Ouch. I gave her a nod and gave Olivia my friendliest face.
"Oh hello, I'm Napoleon Isaacs". Nap cut in front of me and offered a hand to Olivia, who took it. "like Waterloo. But I usually go by Nap. This is my roommate Robbie Dodd."
"Nice to meet you," said Olivia. Her voice was kinda high-pitched, like she'd walked past a helium factory. I flinched a little. "And nice to meet you!"
We suddenly made eye contact and I felt an electric jolt shoot through my body, lighting up my entire nervous system for just a second. My eyes shot open wide. Olivia seemed to smirk a little, then just as quickly turned back to Nap and Debbie. I tried not to look too alarmed.
"So, are you enjoying the party Deb?" Napoleon asked, moving in closer to Deb. She looked at him curiously.
"Sure, it's okay. That's an interesting hat," she smirked at Nap. Nap looked flustered for a minute and took it off of his head. "No, I like it! Where did you get it?"
I was still looking at Olivia. My heart was racing a little bit. My nerve endings still felt a little fuzzy, like they were radios tuned to dead air.
Napoleon put the hat back on. He studied Deb quite intensely for a moment. "At Doherty's. I thought it made me look like a distinguished gentleman". He stood up proudly.
Deb snorted and threw herself back in a hearty laugh.
"It makes you look like something, that's for sure!"
**
It became quickly obvious to me that Napoleon and Debbie McMahon would not be sleeping together tonight, or indeed any night. There was a comfortableness to their banter, completely empty of any sexual undercurrents. It was kind of painful to be around, like I was seeing my best friend in a slightly compromising situation, like I was watching him wash his underwear. We talked around in circles for a bit. Olivia didn't say much, but she seemed to hold her own. It was fun, until we hit an awkward silence.
"Have you ever thought about what the different parts of a cup are called?" offered Napoleon, holding up his vessel. Okay, I'd heard enough.
