Friends with Bennie Fitz

1986

"So, what do you think? Do you wanna, you know... try it together?"

Bennie and I had known each other since we were toddlers. But, sitting next to me now, I'd never seen her look more nervous or shy. In fact, she'd always been the more adventurous, outgoing one. Always the one to suggest camping out in the backyard, or riding our bikes to the ice cream parlor, or sneaking out of our bedroom windows on a hot summer night just to sit on the swing set and look up at the stars, imagining all the spaceships and alien civilizations that must surely be out there.

Now here we were, two lifelong friends, freshly graduated from high school and spending one last summer together before heading off to separate colleges, discussing losing our virginity together.

It's not that I was only just discovering my attraction to Bennie. Even before she'd transformed from the pigtailed Tomboy with dirty, scabbed knees to a striking young woman who'd traded in her braces and baseball cap for lipstick, perfume and pastel summer dresses, I'd been drawn to her.

We'd even shared our first kiss together, at age fifteen. It was Bennie's idea. We'd just come home from seeing E.T. and she wanted to reenact the kiss Elliott had given the cute blonde girl in the movie, to see if she would swoon the same way. She didn't of course. And neither did I. It was awkward and clumsy and we both laughed hysterically afterwards, then went back to playing Nintendo.

Almost four years later, we were now talking about having sex together for the first time. And, as usual, it was Bennie that brought it up.

"Just think about it, Danny. We've known each other forever. Neither of us really dated anyone. And now we're both about to go off to college still virgins? Wouldn't it just make sense for us to do it now, get it over with?"

My heart was racing in my chest as I struggled to keep my composure. I'd sat beside my friend many times on her bed, even lay beside her in it as we read comic books or played video games. Now here we were, sitting side by side, hips touching, her wide, round eyes gazing up at me, both curious and bashful, contemplating playing a very different kind of game on it.

"Get it over with? Geez, you make it sound like ripping off a Band-Aid, Fitz."

Fitz was my longtime nickname for her. Her full name was Bernice Fitzgerald. Most people, including her parents, called her Bennie. Why they dropped the 'r,' I don't know. But I was the only one who ever called her Fitz.

"Oh, come on, you know I don't mean it like that," Bennie chided me. "But you can't tell me you're not the least bit curious, right? Or am I just that unattractive to you?"

Bennie was many things to me. Unattractive was certainly not one of them. Of course I'd thought about her, as young men will do. But as close as we'd been growing up, there was never that moment that crossed over from friendship to, well, something more.

At least not on her part. That I was aware of anyway. I'd hinted around at us becoming more than friends before, off and on throughout high school. I was shy and awkward around pretty much any girl except her, and so hadn't had much luck with girlfriends.

Meanwhile Bennie never dated at all, although there was no lack of trying on the boys' part. Especially by senior year. Seemed like every guy in school had hit on her, and yet she'd rejected each and every advance.

"They're all just after one thing," she'd always explain. "Three years ago, none of them would so much as look at me, let alone talk to me. Now, I've got boobs, and all of a sudden they all wanna date me? No thanks."

Her breasts were indeed spectacular. And of course I'd noticed them, too. I'd just been better at not being obvious about it. Although that was certainly more difficult at the moment. Bennie was sitting right beside me, her long hair loose and flowing over her bare shoulders, the swooping neckline of her tank top showing plenty of deep, freckled cleavage.

"Listen, Fitz... Bennie," I finally managed, "you know you're beautiful. I just... never thought... tried not to think about... that. Because, well, I didn't think you... felt the same way. About, you know. Me."

Bennie smiled, and when her tiny hand landed on my knee, I don't think I could have blushed any harder. "Oh, my poor, sweet, clueless Danny. You have no idea how adorable you are, do you? There were countless girls in school who always asked me about you. You just never had enough confidence to close the deal with any of them."

I shrugged, enjoying the compliment, but not really knowing how to respond.

"Think of it this way," she continued, her hand now ever so slightly rubbing my thigh. "You need a confidence boost before going to college. To get that monkey off your back. Instead of trying to make some great impression your first time and worrying about not knowing what you're doing, you can do it with me and at least get a little experience under your belt."

"True," I nodded. "I think I'd definitely feel more... comfortable, with you. But what about you? What do you want from this?"

Bennie sighed. I felt a twinge of regret as she removed her hand from my leg to absently pull at her ear. "I suppose the same thing. To have my first time be with someone I trust. Someone I know won't judge me. Or treat me like shit, during or after. Plus, I..."

She paused, trying to decide what to say next. "I'm... trying to figure out something. And I need to figure it out before I go off to college."

"Figure out what?"

Bennie met my eyes. "Whether or not I actually like guys."

I couldn't help but gasp. "What do you mean, 'whether or not you like guys?' All girls like guys!"

Bennie averted her eyes. "Not all girls, Danny. Some girls like... other girls."

The reality of her words hit me hard. I knew what homosexuality was, of course. But only to the extent that we'd been taught it was a "sin" at church.

And although I didn't care much for religion and the biases that came with it, the fact was that being gay was still very much a social stigma. Being called a "fag" was the worst possible insult you could throw at your buddies, and if you called one of your enemies a "homo," you damn well better be ready to come to blows.

I'd never actually MET anyone gay, of course. At least no one OPENLY gay. And the only time I'd ever seen two women kissing was when I'd sneak downstairs to watch late night "Skin-e-max" on cable while my parents slept.

"You're being very quiet." Bennie snapped me back to the moment. "I didn't just lose my best friend, did I?"

My shock at her revelation faded away upon hearing the palpable fear in her voice. While I was confused about her confession, Bennie was still my friend. "Of course not. I'm always here for you, Fitz. You know that. I'm just a little, well..."

"Surprised? Confused? Conflicted? Hey, I get it," Bennie sighed. "Trust me, so am I. And that's why I wanted to try this. To... to see if it's just a phase. Or maybe I'm just confused. Or...."

Suddenly Bennie began to cry. I instinctively pulled her to me, hugging her tight.

My shoulder was damp with her tears as she wept. "I've been so frightened; I've struggled with these feelings for years, but I had no one to talk to! Not my mom, certainly not my dad! I wanted to tell you, but I just couldn't. I was afraid you'd hate me, that you'd..."

Again her words cut off as she sobbed. And so I held her, just held her, as she let it all out.

Eventually she composed herself. "Oh God, I'm a mess," she sniffed, wiping at her eyes. "Give me a minute, gonna go wash my face."

When she returned, she looked more relaxed. "Sorry, didn't mean to unload on you like that." Bennie sat beside me and took my hand. "So, you haven't said much. What are you thinking?"

I took a moment to collect my thoughts. "I'm thinking you've been my best friend for as long as I can remember. And this changes nothing. Except whether or not we actually, you know... still do this."

Bennie gripped my hand tighter. "You don't still want to?"

"Oh, I do, Jesus yes, I do! But if you're not into men, wouldn't that make it weird for you?"

Bennie sighed. "That's just it. I'm still not even sure I'm NOT into guys. Sometimes I think I am, but... I don't know. It's very confusing. But I do know I trust you. I care about you. And if I were to try it with anyone, it would be you, Danny."

Her eyes. God, her eyes were beautiful in that moment. My heart raced, and my blood felt like it was on fire. "Okay then," I finally managed. "So, how do we, you know... start?"

Bennie answered by leaning in. My insecurities and fears melted away as her lips met mine. So soft, so warm. And then they parted, and I felt her tongue extend. I opened mine to welcome it and met hers with my own.

It was my first real kiss, and I savored every detail: The taste of her lip gloss. The scent of her floral perfume. The creak of the bed as her hips shifted to move her body closer to mine. The touch of her hand on my cheek as she caressed it. The feel of her skin as my hand found her neck just behind her ear. The soft, gentle moan she released as I stroked her there.

Bennie broke the kiss, her cheeks flushed, her smile wide. "That was... really nice."

"It was." I returned her smile and we simply sat there for the moment, grinning at each other.

And then, to my shocked delight, Bennie pulled her tank top off.

I'd seen her in bathing suits of course. But there's definitely something different about a beautiful girl sitting next to you in her bra. It was breathtaking in its simplicity. White cotton cups conforming to soft curved mounds, with thin straps running up and over her narrow shoulders. An intimate piece of apparel not normally meant for my eyes, the fact that I was now given permission to see it made my brain almost short circuit.

Bennie sat there grinning, her cheeks slightly flushed. "Hey, my eyes are up here, buster."

"Sorry, I just..."

"Relax, just teasing you, sheesh," she giggled. "I wouldn't have taken my shirt off if I didn't want you to see them now, would I?" And then, with a reach behind her and a deft flick of the fingers, the bra tumbled away, and I saw her breasts fully for the first time.

I'd trained myself for years not to stare at them, not to even LOOK at them, and now poof, here they were, staring at me. They stood so proud, so round, so... perfect. The contrast of summer tanned skin slowly faded to creamy, freckled globes of feminine beauty, capped with puffy, pointed nipples. I loved the way they moved with her increased breathing, the slightest jiggle hinting at a softness that belied their firm appearance.

"I take it you like them?" Bennie's voice broke me out of my trance. "I wish they were a little bigger, but..."

"No, no. They're perfect," I managed, although I wasn't sure how. My tongue felt swollen in my now very dry mouth.

Something else was swollen as well. The jeans I wore were both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that they, for the most part, hid my sudden bulge. A curse in that the tightness was now painful.

"Do you wanna touch them?" Bennie was already taking my hand and guiding it to her left breast. I'm not sure who's heart was racing faster; mine, or hers. As my hand made contact I could feel it, thumping away beneath.

It is next to impossible to find the words to properly express that moment. I recall it vividly, and yet it's also a blur. Soft, smooth, creamy skin, coated in a smattering of light freckles. The sharp inhale of her breath as my fingers traced the hard, pink nipple that sat atop a very puffy areola. The look in her eyes, a mix of terror and nervousness that probably mirrored my own, but at the same time she looked happy. And perhaps even proud.

My other hand found her right breast. I marveled at the weight of them, the incredible dichotomy of softness and firmness.

"You can squeeze them, if you like." Bennie's voice was low yet growing in confidence. "Yes, just like... no, too hard, just... there, yes, gentle but... oh, oh that's nice."

Feeling bolder, I moved in and took her closest nipple in my mouth. Bennie gasped as I sucked gently. "Oh, fuck! That's... oh, wow!"

"Too much?"

"No! No, that's... that's good. You can... suck harder. Oh, oh wow! Your tongue feels amazing, keep doing that! How did you know to do that?"

I blushed as I reluctantly let go. "Um, saw it in a movie once. Maybe more than once. You like it?"

"Oh, yes," Bennie sighed. "But... here, I think it would be more comfortable if we..."

Laying back on the bed, Bennie guided me down beside her. Our lips met and our tongues danced even as my hand again moved to her breasts, alternating between them. If this was as far as it would go, I could still have died a happy young man. Just laying beside her, touching her, kissing her... it was the most intimate thing I'd ever experienced.

Of course, it didn't end there, although I wasn't quite sure how to proceed. My hands ran over her flat, smooth belly, up and down her sides. I found the waistband to her denim shorts, my fingers tracing back and forth along the edge. Her hips started to writhe and I took that as a sign to proceed. Cautiously, I undid the snap. Fighting every instinct to simply force my hand inside, I instead moved up and away, over her belly button.

Bennie giggled as I tickled her. "You like torturing me,don't you?"

"Maybe," I winked. My hand again made its way lower. Her smile remained bright but I could see the nervousness in her eyes as my fingers slipped under her jeans and made contact with the edge of her panties. I paused there. "Are you okay?"

Bennie nodded. "Yes. Keep going. Just... go slow. Gentle, okay?"

"Okay. And just, you know, tell me if I... if I'm hurting you. Or, um, doing it wrong."

"Don't worry, I'll tell you."

Now you have to remember, this was long before the age of internet porn. I'd seen a few Playboys, and of course those late night softcore films. I had also seen a few anatomy books.

So I sort of knew what I'd find down there. But not exactly.

The first thing I encountered as my fingers slipped beneath the waistband of her panties was the soft tuft of public hair over her padded mound. Continuing the journey, my middle finger found her cleft. Bennie's eyes had been closed, but they flew open as I probed. "Wait! Wait! Easy! I need... here, hang on a sec."

Pulling my hand free, Bennie sat up and quickly shucked off her shorts. I of course could not tear my eyes away from the treasure now hidden only by the sheer white cloth of her panties.

Reclining again, Bennie took my hand and guided my hand. "Just rub here, over them, nice and slow. You can press a little...Oh! Yeah. That's good, that's good, just keep going, just like that."

Her breath became more rapid and irregular as I continued, feeling the heat of her radiatiating through the fabric. I could also feel something else soaking through. "You're getting... wet?"

"Yeah," Bennie blushed furiously. "That happens when, um, I get... well, horny. That's why I needed you to rub outside first, it was too dry. But I'm... oh!... definitely feeling more... turned on."

"Good," I said. "So, um, now what?"

"Well, first..." Bennie tugged at her panties and with a quick shimmy they were off. My head swam with dizziness and for a moment I thought I might pass out.

And then she was again directing me. "Here. It's a lot easier if I just show you, okay? Just take your fingertip, put it right here..." Again she gasped as I pushed at the entrance. "...yes, right there, now just slip it inside, nice and slow, and...ohhh, God..."

She was so warm. So tight. And yet the moisture she'd built up let me slide in easily enough, until at last I could go no deeper.

Bennie's eyes were closed, her face flushed. "Oh, wow, that feels... weird. But good. Now just slide it...ohhh, yes, oh ffff..."

I worked my finger in and out slowly, her motion setting my pace. It was an incredible sensation, the feel of her. Bennie's hips bucked with my movements, causing soft, wet squelching sounds, along with squeaks from the box spring below us.

After several minutes of this though, Bennie sat up, looking slightly frustrated. "This isn't working. Can we try something else?"

I don't think my face could have gotten any redder from embarrassment. "Um, sure. Sorry. What was I doing wrong?"

"Nothing," Bennie assured me. "It's just... hard to explain. Look, here, feel this here?" She guided my sticky fingers to a small bump just at the top of her cleft. "That, right there. Just rub that... slow! Slow. Small circles, just like that. Make sure you keep it wet, just... right, like that, good..."

Bennie's eyes closed, her face a mask of concentration as I rubbed the tiny nub, my pace only increasing with the ever growing sway of her hips. Her breaths came in short, hitching gasps mixed with soft sighs and low moans that sounded so damn hot.

And then her eyes flew open, her body tensed as if suddenly electrocuted. "Right there right there right there! Oh, fuck, don't stop, don't... just..."

Words became squeals of delight as she writhed beneath me, her hips buckling wildly even as her legs clamped together, trapping my hand over her sex. The heat radiating from her was intense, and as my hand lingered I could feel a warm wetness seeping into my palm.

I just held her, not moving, for several long moments as she caught her breath. Finally, her legs released me as she managed to find her voice again. "Wow. That was... intense."

"So I... made you...?"

"Oh, yeah, for sure. You couldn't tell?"

"I mean, I guess, I dunno. I've never, you know, seen a girl...you know. I wasn't sure I'd actually... got you there."

Bennie giggled. "Well, you did. For sure. You didn't feel how wet I got?"

"Oh, that I did." I held up my glazed hand with a silly grin. "I knew us guys get messy when we finish, but I didn't realize girls did too."

Bennie blushed, but smiled. "Speaking of guys, that thing looks like it really wants to burst out of your pants."

My hands instinctively went to cover myself. Bennie smiled her gorgeous smile. "Hey, don't get shy on me now, sporto. I've been sitting here naked all this time and you haven't even taken your socks off, sheesh."

Standing, Bennie yanked me up off the bed. "Here, let's even things out a bit."

I automatically raised my arms as Bennie lifted my tee-shirt up and off. Then she was working at the button fly of my jeans.

Before I could object, (and honestly, looking back, any objection I might have made would have been insincere at best,) Bennie pulled both my jeans and my underwear down with one swift yank. My aching cock sprang free gratefully. Bennie's eyes went wide at it. Then she started laughing uncontrollably.

When she noticed my abject horror, she tried explaining between giggles. "I'm sorry, Danny. Truly, I am. It's just... oh, God, please don't take this wrong. But it's just so... silly looking!"

Despite myself, I couldn't help but laugh, too. "I suppose you're right. They are kinda goofy looking things, aren't they?"

Her giggle fit under control, Bennie sighed in relief. "I'm glad you're not mad. I'm sure that wasn't the reaction you were expecting. It's just I've... never seen one before. Just in medical textbooks, ya know? And I changed my little cousin's diaper a few times, but that doesn't really count, does it? Anyway, I just didn't expect it to, well, be that big. Or that, um... twitchy." Bennie giggled again, then cleared her throat, trying to control herself.

My heart pounded as she knelt before me, leaning in for a closer inspection. "It's so hard, oh my god! It's not always like that, right? Just when you're horny?"

I nodded stupidly.

"Well, that's good. I couldn't imagine walking around with it like that all day." She moved in still closer, close enough I could feel her breath on my shaft. "It looks almost painful. It doesn't hurt, does it?"