Time after time, I'm reminded why I'm constantly single. Or maybe just why I stay single. For me it's a struggle between giving someone too much of myself and not giving enough. It's striking the perfect balance. It always seems to end the same way, too. Seeing the man I was giving too much of myself to pawing at another woman like he never even knew me. There was never an explanation, there was never a reason. There was never anything of substance except the pain that radiated through my chest every single time.
My friends liked to call me the hopeless romantic. I never just let my feelings show. I hid them until they boiled over the top with their intensity. That's how it happened with Nate. I let everything build up until it was too much for him to handle and he just...vanished. His hands were now resting on the hips of a short blonde girl. And he wasn't touching her the way he did me. He was tender with her, loving. There was no edge of possession in his eyes, just contentment. So everything he had ever said to me was a complete lie. All the promises he made and all the sweet nothings he whispered in my ear. They were lies. And the only thing I could feel was the stabbing sense of betrayal in my heart and the lingering bruise around my neck. All good things come to an end, right?
___________
Nate
She was looking at me like her world had just ended and all I could focus on was the handprint I left across her neck a couple nights ago. I could have killed her. That revelation had hit me like a ton of bricks. I had never gone that far with anyone. I had never actually played part to my fantasies until Brooke walked into my life. She had been so pliant, so willing. It was hard to resist her. But I had almost killed her. So, she was looking at me like I had just ended her world, but all I could focus on was that. I could only focus on how, if she hadn't passed out, I probably would have crushed her trachea in the heat of the moment. As much as her world ended, mine had been shattered.
Brooke wouldn't take another step towards me. Her eyes were shining with tears that went unshed. Or maybe she had cried but she was just trying to keep it together around me. I had my girlfriend next to me- someone Brooke hadn't known about. It probably looked like I recovered quickly, but Allie had been in my life for years now. I hadn't been the most eligible bachelor when I brought Brooke into my life. I was magnetically attracted to her. It was a dangerous attraction that would end badly no matter what I did. I squeezed Allie's hips and urged her to walk on. There was no reason to linger here.
"Nate, who is she?" Allie looked up at me with big blue eyes.
"Just a coworker." I replied.
"She was looking at you like you broke her," Allie laughed a little. I just squeezed her a little tighter.
"That's ridiculous. I barely know her." The weight of the lie on my tongue was heavier than I expected it to be. It was like someone had just put an anvil on my chest and expected me to move on with my life as if I wasn't getting crushed.
The look on Allie's face let me know that she knew better, but she was going to drop it. But I couldn't explain to my girlfriend that the woman who had been staring at us moments ago was the woman who stole my heart. That she had seen more of me than Allie. That I was avoiding her because I had almost choked her to death. I took a deep breath and hoped that she didn't notice my mood. All good things come to an end, right?
