First Vaginal Orgasm -- Ladies, Listen Up!
So much of my life has been spent trying to lose the baggage that held me back sexually. I was determined from my teen years to find a way to discover the sexual being I was meant to be. This basically meant that I had to assume everything my parents ever told me was a lie. Of course, I read everything I could get my hands on about sex, sexuality, sexual technique, statistics about arousal and orgasm, and volumes of other people's fantasies. Still, I had never been able to cum just from having a cock or a dildo inside me. It frustrated the heck out of me. So many men seemed disgusted with me because I could not manage to do this; they acted as though I had cheated them, even though I had given them all that I to give, and then some. It wasn't enough that I enjoyed what we did, and came when they sucked my clit; they felt I was holding something back if I couldn't cum while fucking. Unfortunately, making me feel inadequate didn't help the situation at all.
I thought that somehow, I would just stumble onto the answer by trial and error, which was one of the chief ways I had learned about sex in the first place. I tried being promiscuous in order to get a lot of experiences, but I still had not found the answer, and I even tried 10 years of celibacy, swearing that I would not have another sexual encounter until I had lost every bit of my emotional baggage and was in a position to truly enjoy it.
After 10 years of no sex at all except what my fingers and my vibrators could provide, I woke up one morning at age 34 and suddenly sex made sense to me. I kid you not. I woke up feeling no guilt, no fear, and very much alive! I probably had some incredibly profound dream that I did not remember, prompting me to finally put the pieces together and wake up sexually sane. I also probably got my hormones on straight for the first time in my life, and emerged as the lusty woman I have always been underneath all the baggage.
I decided I needed a boyfriend in order to test out my feeling of sexual wholeness. I had not come out to myself as a bisexual, so I wasn't inclined to search for a girlfriend just then; that would come a couple of years later. I had been so totally out of the loop for so very long that I didn't have a clue where to begin looking for a man to date.
Fortunately, I had been working on my Bachelors degree (the second attempt), so I was in college and surrounded by men. Unfortunately, I was nearly 35, a BBW, and most of them were slender and 10 or 15 years younger than I was. None of them ever gave me the tiniest hint that he was attracted to me; so my university seemed to be terribly fallow ground.
Except for this one guy... Let's call him Ralph. He was only about 9 years younger than I was. I volunteered as a tutor /helper for disabled students, and he was visually impaired. A Southern gentleman he seemed to me, single, extremely intelligent and with a good sense of humor. He was not the best-looking man in the world, but he had beautiful, unearthly eyes that flashed silvery in certain angles of light and changed color with his emotions; his hair was long, a thick, black, unruly mane coursing down his back. I was hooked.
We chatted as I helped him find his classes; I began to sense that his interest in me might be reciprocated. Eventually, he asked me out on a date, and I glowingly accepted. Of course, I drove! I can't remember where we went or what we did, but I do recall we ended up at my apartment. We talked and talked; he smoked on my patio, and we discussed everything from God to politics and back to God again. Ralph finally leaned over and kissed me; I kissed him back, and he began to unbutton my blouse.
