What have I just done?
My heart is racing as I look down my body to witness the sticky mess I have just become. I have just cheated on my husband and I'm not sure if I am more upset with myself or excited by what I've done.
Things between my hubby and I have been better. Our sex life is not what it once was, mostly due to menopause and feeling like my life should be more than it currently is. I suppose this all factored into the predicament I am currently in as I feel Justin's semen dripping from inside me.
My eldest son recently asked me to house sit for him for a couple of weeks on the remote island he lives on. I agreed to do so, knowing he needed my help so that he could get away. He has some animals that need tending and I was his last resort so I knew that when he asked, he really needed my help.
I made arrangements at home and said my good-byes to my hubby as I made the long trip. I spent most of my drive thinking about where things were with my husband and I at this point, contemplating our future together. While I love him, I feel like he could do more to help us be further ahead in life and this has been weighing on me for quite some time. He's an attentive lover and is an attractive man, but the resentment I hold is hurting us. He's a good man, and he loves me and still finds me attractive based on how often he tries to have sex with me but my sex drive does not meet his anymore and this causes us a great deal of friction in our relationship. I hoped that time away would do us both some good, giving us both time to think.
I arrived at my eldest son's home and helped he and his girlfriend pack for their trip. They were leaving in the morning and things were hectic so the last thing I wanted was to be a burden. We all went to bed late that night and woke early to get them out the door on time.
After all the driving, ferry trip, and packing chaos, the house suddenly felt unsettlingly quiet. Other than the hum from the aquarium pump and the odd noise from their very odd cat, the house was silent. Back at home, there's always something happening and even though we live in the countryside, it's rarely quiet. I made myself a cup of tea and took it to the sofa to sit and enjoy the quiet.
In the afternoon, I started to get bored. My home life is hectic. I work from home, have acreage and livestock and rarely get to sit other than after dinner so the time I'd been sitting here in the quiet was already beyond what I could fathom and I was already getting stir crazy.
I did some yard work, puttering around, but it was all meaningless and my mind continuously wandered to my home life and the sadness I was feeling over it. While cleaning, I paused before the large mirror in the living room. While I am not one to look at myself normally, I did this time. What I saw before me was a nearly 50 year old woman, whose red hair had turned white but was still long and thick, who's body was not as taught as previously but was still very decent for my age, who was still good looking and who should still feel desirable, but who did not.
I felt a wave of sadness wash over me and I had to get out of the house. I put on my shoes and a sweater and wandered out of the house and up the street. The end of the street is an access point to a large number of trails into the thick west coast woods and I started to wander, lost in thought.
The forest, although seeming quiet, is not. When you stop to listen, the forest is almost deafening but I heard almost nothing as I continued to contemplate my life. I realized that I should not have come and put myself in a situation where there were not distractions, where I would be forced to look at my life, but I had no choice now and would have to make the best of it. Looking around, I decided to take up one of my old hobbies, photography. I went back to the house, grabbed my phone and went back for another hike, losing myself in the plants and small insects that abound in the forest.
Time passed quickly for the rest of the day and I soon realized that dinner time had already come and gone. I gathered myself and headed back to make a meal, then cleaned up. The quiet started to get to me again so I fished into my bag and grabbed one of the joints I'd prepared for my trip, along with the lighter and headed to the back patio. The light from the lighter was nearly blinding when I first sparked it, drawing a few deep breaths of marijuana and relaxing. I soon went to bed, drifting off to sleep.
The next morning, I woke again, feeling lonely, with only the cat to keep me company. I fed the feline and the fish, then looked around, realizing that once again, I had nothing to do. My mind started to wander again but I was hell-bent on making sure I didn't fall into the same despair I felt the day before so I made a picnic, grabbed my phone, and headed for a hike.
At the trail head I stopped to look at the map for the first time. The area was massive and I realized that I was probably lucky to not have gotten lost the day before. I looked at the imagery and noticed a few clearings that appeared to have great potential as picnic spots so I took a pic of the map and headed out on my hike.
I hiked along the trails for about an hour before finding a perfect spot. It was a small clearing on the edge of a very large drop. The ledge meandered for quite some distance and I wandered along it, finding an even better spot to set up my lunch and enjoy the solitude.
There was a breeze coming along the ledge, a warm air rising from the valley below. The sun was hot and surprisingly, this area was actually very quiet, devoid of most wildlife. I spread out my blanket and lunch and ate, having a sip of tea from my thermos also. The area was breathtaking. I wanted badly to share it with someone and I started to feel lonely again.
Determined not to be sad, my mind scrambled for ideas. I suddenly had the idea that I should call someone I know to come visit, but then I realized that I really didn't know anyone this way. I messaged a few of my girlfriends to see if they were wanting to escape for a few days but there was no cell service here either so my messages sat in limbo. Bored, I started to scroll through all my contacts.
One after another, I scrolled down, taking time to contemplate each until I hit the "J's" and saw the name Justin. My heart skipped a beat. Justin lived about an hour away from here if he hadn't moved.
I had not had many boyfriends before meeting my husband. My first boyfriend got me pregnant and I had 2 wonderful children with him before he abandoned me. I let loose after him and had a few flings, then started dating Justin briefly. He and I were both pretty young and he was still very immature although very kind. We got along well but his immaturity was the downfall of our brief relationship. He liked to make jokes in bed, to hide his nervousness I suppose, but I didn't like it and things didn't last.
Justin and I stayed in touch although not often. My kids thought he was amazing, probably because he acted like a child too. Over the years, we talked a couple of times a year, asking about family and the usual. He had gotten married and divorced and married again. He was a successful engineer and had kids of his own now. I hadn't spoken to Justin in about a year and I suddenly wanted to talk to him again. I made a mental note to reach out when I was back in cell service.
