I stand in a line with the other men; all different shapes, sizes, and colors, all of us shoulder to shoulder. This is a day I've dreaded since I first hired on and heard about it. This is the first one of these events I've had to participate in. The company calls it "Female Employee Appreciation Day". It's the company's way of saying thanks and empowering all the female employees, giving the men an appreciation of all the ladies, no matter what their role.
It's also HR's program of cross-training, inclusion, diversity, and all that other bullshit HR is famous for coming up with and likes to harp about monthly. It's a day where all male employees are chosen by a female employee to help them throughout the day. I personally have had no problems appreciating the ladies I worked with and for in the past so the whole concept, to me, seems silly. The way it works is all the ladies that want to participate have their names placed in a bingo style cage and then they are drawn one at a time.
The males' participation is mandatory, which I personally think is total bullshit, but I haven't been here long enough to voice my opinion about it. As each lady's name is called she steps up and picks one of the guys standing in line. That guy is hers for the day... to help and do whatever task or tasks she would like him to do. File papers, go get coffee, make copies, get lunch, take notes in meetings, or clean her office, whatever suits her fancy. Furthermore, the lady gets to grade her "helper" and the grade becomes part of the guy's yearly review, which, in turn, becomes a factor in his end-of-year bonus.
I stand in line, thinking to myself, "I should have taken a job somewhere else. This was never mentioned during the interview."
As the ladies' names begin to be called, each one steps forward and chooses their helper for the day, amid cheers and claps and laughter. I'm kinda new so I haven't been around long enough to know many of the people and understand what the laughter and cheers for some of those chosen mean. I stand there, thinking about several things I need to get done, waiting to get chosen.
As ladies choose and walk out with their male helpers I think about what a waste of time this is, although it is rather amusing, and I try to get into the spirit because it is supposed to be a fun activity. Some of the ladies choose and then barter to trade their guys for a guy who has been picked already. I watch, curiously, as a couple of small scale arguments break out before order is eventually restored and the process continues.
Well over half the guys are picked over and I'm still standing in line. I get annoyed, because I've always been used to being picked closer to the top, but I think to myself that we're not on the playground anymore, and these aren't football or baseball teams.
I hear the name "Ms. Lacy" called, and I watch as she makes her way down to the remaining prospects. She looks kind of important, I think to myself, although I'm pretty sure I haven't met her yet. She is nicely dressed, has a business like saunter, and is carrying a cell phone. As she approaches the line, I can hear her almost critiquing each guy as she passes each of them...No...No...No...Fuck you Bill...No...No...You should have been fired months ago...No...No...You suck...No...Gay...No...No...I hear her as she walks by each remaining guy, much like a drill sergeant inspecting his platoon.
She stops and turns to face me, and I'm curious as to what remark she is going to have for me. I look her squarely in the eye.
"Sam isn't it? You're fairly new, right?" she asks.
"Yeah, I've been here a few months now," I reply maintaining eye contact.
"Double E, right?" she inquires, matter-of-factly.
I'm surprised she knows that I'm new, and more surprised that she knows my position. I'm also surprised that my eyes drift to her cleavage and I hope she didn't notice my quick glance. "That's correct. I'm working on the..."
She interrupts me in mid-sentence, "...the new power plant. I know. I'm the PM over that project." I'm beginning to understand why she looked important. This is one of the company's biggest projects and the primary reason I was hired in the first place.
"Eh...you'll do...plus you're kinda cute. C'mon," she says, never breaking eye contact and giving me a flash of a grin. She turns and walks off, expecting me to follow her. My eyes drift to her nice, round ass as she gets a couple steps in front of me. I think that looking at a PM's ass is probably not very professional, but neither was the "kinda cute" comment, so at least we're even.
She walks up the hall, looking dead ahead. I walk by her side, her chosen helper for the day. Her heels click with each step on the tile floor. I look down and notice her painted toes. She asks about my education and previous work experience and projects and we chat as we walk along.
Her cell phone rings just as we round a corner. She looks at the caller ID, mumbles something under her breath that I don't quite catch, and reluctantly answers. We never break stride. As she's talking on the phone, she turns to look at me, points to a Keurig machine, and makes a "pouring into the cup motion" with her hands, while holding her cell phone to her ear with her shoulder. I acknowledge her request with thumbs up, a gesture that makes her stop and then grin, before disappearing inside her office door.
I walk into her office, trying not to spill the coffee, and set the cup on her desk, as she's finishing up her phone call. She looks at it then glares at me. "I wanted tea," she says.
"My bad," I reply, and I pick the cup up from her desk and leave the office again. I can't believe I've fucked up the first thing. I can feel her eyes on my back and then hear her breathe a quiet laugh as I exit.
When I return with her tea she's sitting in her chair and she apologizes for seeming rude or unappreciative. I place the new cup on her desk and quickly glance down her shirt again, as I respond to her apology.
"I should have asked whether you wanted coffee or tea." In my mind, I think about how she has very nice breasts. I stand back from her desk, waiting for her next request.
"I need all those drawings sorted out and organized," she says as she points to a table with a pile of drawings on it. "Just arrange and file them by project number," she adds. I walk to the table and look at the large number of drawings then begin to sort through them. I can't help but think about her nice breasts, and the quick view I had, standing above her when I placed the tea on her desk.
After several minutes I can feel her watching me and I glance back to see her elbow resting on her desk, holding one end of a pencil in her fingertips, holding on to the other end of it in her teeth. Our eyes meet and I quickly turn my attention back to my assigned task. I feel my face getting red, and begin to get hot. I stand to remove my sweatshirt and her eyes follow me.
I sit back down and continue on, sorting through the drawings. I hear her stand and her heels click as she walks toward me. I can feel her leaning over my shoulder; I'm supposing to inspect my progress.
"Hey Sam, I've got something else for you to do," she says, almost in a whisper.
I shuffle the drawing in my hand to its respective stack, and turn to face her, still seated, her gorgeous breasts at eye level. "Ok. Sure. What is it?" I ask, trying to keep my eyes from venturing back to her breasts.
