It was a few days before Valentine's day when my phone rang. It was (and I realize it's odd) my ex-fiancé's mother Marva. She and I had always gotten along well, even in the aftermath of my difficult breakup with Tiffanie, her second daughter. At times Marva had even been so embarrassed by Tiffanie's behavior that she actually apologized, while expertly and diplomatically not actually taking my side and breaching the mother-daughter bond.
And we had stayed in touch after the breakup. It was an annoying breakup, because everyone just assumed Tiffanie had left me, when in fact, I had been the one to end it. I remember the first time I saw Marva after that, where she gave me a quick but warm hug, and simply said, "I'm sorry." She didn't have to say more, the hug and those two simple words meant so much more. She meant sorry you're hurt, sorry my daughter is so flaky, sorry you wasted all that money on an engagement ring, sorry you were publicly embarrassed, and ultimately, just 'sorry'. It was nice, I often wondered how such a marvelously warm and wonderful person like Marva ended up with a daughter like Tiffanie.
To be fair though, Marva's other daughter Lori was a lot like Marva, warm and caring. The one thing they all definitely had in common though, was looks. All of them were a little taller than average, a little thinner than average, and a lot smarter than average. I even had to admit, that if I were ever called before Congress to testify if I now or ever had harbored inappropriate thoughts about either Marva or Tiffannie's sister Lori, I would have to plead the fifth.
Perhaps I was flattering myself that Marva and I had stayed in touch, though, I was never quite sure. I say that because we also both worked at the same giant insurance firm headquartered in our home town, although at opposite ends of the vast main building. I always felt like she liked me, that we had a special friendship and connection, but I was never entirely sure.
Now, several years later, with an email or text message every few months, I was still mostly single. I was actually happily single, but people always assumed it was heartbreak over the breakup with Tiffanie. In fact, it was more a case of me assuming all relationships would be like the one I had with Tiffanie, and I wanted no part of it.
"Listen Jack, I'm worried about Lori. I want you to call her and take her out to dinner on Valentine's day. I think you both need to get out for a change of scenery." Lori was two years older than Tiffanie, and also two years ahead of Tiffanie and I from our high-school years. I had gotten to know her quite well during the time I was with Tiffanie. She was calm and easy-going, just like her mother.
"Oh, what happened?" It had been a little longer than usual since Marva and I had last talked.
"She and her fiancé broke up recently. I think you knew him, right?"
I certainly knew who Charles was. He was a know-it-all prick and all-around Mister Perfect, also a classmate from those high school years. The worst part of it though, was that he was also very intelligent and well read, so he really did seem to know everything. Normally, you can disregard know-it-all types, but Charles made it much more irritating, since he usually really did know it all. Worst of all though, was his appearance. He had that overly groomed look, including a moustache that was so perfectly sculpted, you knew you were dealing with a prick. And he was always clean shaven, even at the end to a long day and night. Clearly he shaved and groomed his moustache at least twice a day.
"Ahh, Charles. Yes, I knew him." I stopped myself from adding any commentary, although I really wanted to.
"Good riddance. He was such a prick," she said flatly.
I chuckled as I said, "Well, I didn't want to say anything, but god, he was a prick! Lori was too nice for him. He needs someone more like..."
"Like Tiffanie," Marva interrupted.
I laughed, but again held myself back from adding any commentary. But Marva was right. From the perspective of their prickly personalities and their sense of superiority, they would be perfect for one another.
"Anyway Jack, it's just not right, the two of you moping around after your breakups. But more to the point, she seems really down and in need of a good friend." After a pause, making me daydream that Marva thought Lori needed a good fuck, Marva added, "She's expecting your call."
Now it all made sense. Marva, as warm and lovable as she was, always had a plan up her sleeve. I deduced that she had probably already ordered Lori to agree to go out to dinner with me.
I wanted to say something in my defense, to correct Marva that I wasn't at all moping around, and I wasn't heartbroken over Tiffanie, now two years removed from my life. But then I remembered the time years ago when I walked into the bathroom at Marva's house, and had accidentally walked in on Lori, completely naked, brushing her teeth in the mirror. In just that moment, I saw her ass directly, and her breasts and nicely groomed pubic hair in the mirror, before apologizing and making a hasty retreat. I decided that being cajoled into taking Lori to dinner wouldn't be such a bad thing.
"I really appreciate you trying to help. She'll get over things with a little time," I said, trying to reason with her, but knowing it was going to be hopeless. "And I promise, I'm fine too."
"Of course," Marva said, but with no pause at all and completely ignoring my pretending to resist. "The reservations are in your name at Jacques for 7:00 p.m. I know you'll enjoy getting out of the house, just as she will. I know you'll have a fine time."
I knew I would have a wonderful time. I remembered after the breakup contemplating asking Lori out, but I knew it would have been awkward. Marva intervening was the perfect excuse.
= = = = =
"Hey Lori!" I said as she answered the phone.
"You're late calling!" she kidded, knowing that I hadn't called immediately after hanging up with Marva.
"Shh! Don't tell!"
"Okay, your secret's safe. This time," Lori quipped.
"Your mom said I have to take you to dinner at Jacques."
"Wow, you sure know how to make a girl feel special, don't you?" Lori joked.
"Oh gosh," I sighed. "My apologies. Okay. Please Lori, PLEASE, will you please grace me with your presence at Jacques on Valentine's Day? It was totally my idea to call and ask, and I would be honored if you would accept."
"No."
"I'll tell your Mom if you don't!"
"I meant, not Jacques. If I have to go to that place one more time, I'll scream. Let's do the Beer Barn instead. I'll call Jacques and cancel the reservation." After a moment, she added with a smile in her voice, "Besides, my Mom said I had to say yes." We both laughed. It seemed like whatever Marva wanted people to do happened, even if she wasn't exactly bossy about it.
"Well, you know how to make a boy feel special too, dontcha? But it's a deal!" I agreed. I was dreading having to wear a suit and suffer through dinner at a fancy restaurant. Let me pick you up, rather than meeting there though, no sense both of us having to pay to park.
