Dan was awake early. It was new for him. He had spent months drinking himself to sleep and spending aching painful mornings lying in bed rising only when he couldn't put it off any longer. As he gained awareness he realized Dolly wasn't in bed beside him. He rose up on his elbows listening to the stillness of the apartment in the early morning. He didn't hear her. He wouldn't have given a shit a few weeks ago. He would have been happy to have her company without having to deal with her the next day. It seemed to matter though. He felt concern. He worried after her. He got out of bed and wandered through the apartment. She wasn't there and the realization that he cared hurt.
He contemplated going back to bed, considered pouring a drink. It was Sunday on the weekend he didn't have his kids. No one would be looking for him. No one really cared what he did. At least they hadn't until recently, until Dolly cared. He sought out his phone, finding it in the pocket of his pants from the night before. She hadn't messaged him. He pulled on the pants and a T-shirt that had been thrown over the chair he kept in the bedroom. It smelled like her. He had to search for shoes and deciding he didn't care enough to put on socks slipped on a pair of flip-flops. Wearing last night's pants he already had his keys and wallet. As he stood at the door to his apartment about to leave he realized he hadn't had a cigarette or a cup of coffee yet. He had been concerned Dolly had developed real feelings for him. He had been worried he would have to break it off, he was sure it was the right thing to do for everyone.
Instead, he set out to find her. He was hoping she had gone home. If she wasn't at home he wouldn't have the slightest clue where to look for her. It was only as he pulled the door open he realized how much he wanted to see her. How much he needed her. He thought he might be thinking beyond just that Sunday morning but he was still stubborn enough to put that thought out of his mind, at least for now.
He was down the steps and through the courtyard almost to his parking space when his brain was able to process what he had seen just out of the corner of his eye. There was a girl in a black dress, a black dress with small flowers on it, lying in a lounger by the pool. The sun wasn't up yet and there wasn't anyone else around or he never would have seen her at all. Backtracking he used his apartment key to get through the gate. She was sleeping and he was able to approach her, sitting down on the concrete beside her, without her noticing. He gently placed his hand on her head and stroked her hair. It was a mess but was still soft and smooth to the touch. Her eyes, hidden beneath smeared eye liner and makeup seemed hollow and distant but when she opened them they sparkled with the steel gray-blue he had found so alluring that first night.
"I have to go." She whispered.
"I want you to stay." He whispered softly.
"She sat up. She was still insanely young and he was still insanely foolish to feel what he felt but there was no turning back. He really had nothing to turn back to but loneliness and self-loathing. He took her hand and kissed it gently.
"Look, Danny." He heard her correctly. There was no frisky work play, no pet names. She had just used his name affectionately. "We have a good thing. I like to drink and I like to fuck and so do you. Don't ruin it just because I couldn't find a ride home."
"What if its more than that."
"It isn't." she turned away from him.
"Come inside. Ill feed you."
"I'm fat enough."
"Come inside. I'll make pancakes. We can go back to bed until it is a more human time to get up. We'll go someplace."
"We go lots of places. I don't want to go anywhere."
"Come inside, I'll make pancakes. We can go to bed and stay there."
