The Taing of Alan

Karen looked down at her watch for the third time in less than 20 minutes. It was small but larger than a ladies' watch, with a dark green dial and hands that glowed. The watch took her forever to find. Karen did not want a ladies' watch. She did not want a heavy watch a foot in diameter with huge hands.

She saw girls wear watches that made Karen think of Lex Luthor in a Spiderman sequel. The big metal hands and the heavy metal cases all looked gothic. Her little watch glowed in the breeze.

It was 8:30. Karen thought Al would be here soon. She was hungry tonight, not just for food but for a guy. She wanted a guy whose hands had personality. She wished the guy possessed charm in a lower part of his body.

Karen, single at the taboo age of 31, did not have a hard time getting a date. She made deliveries for the little drugstore in Aiken and she had enough money for some clothes and makeup and compact discs. Her friend Darlene could not believe Karen bought music.

Karen Shelby had not gone out once since November. That was just before Thanksgiving.

Karen was ready for soft talk and prefacing. She thought she could be talked into taking off her clothes. But would the guy at least ease me in? Karen thought the law of averages had to catch up. ......

A guy at the health food store was pretty persistent. Ron told Karen that he sometimes had dreams about Karen. In one dream Karen was a soft taco, he said. Her filling was made with soy protein and pure cayenne pepper. Karen asked if he had napkins.

She agreed to go out. He took her to eat to the nicest Italian place in the county. The food was great there. They played Italian music and had a dress code for the patrons.

Karen had spaghetti and iced tea. Karen decided to leave the tip. The tab was $34, and Ron paid with a gold card. The card was the property of his godfather.

Karen made a mental note that this guy did not pay for his own dates. She thought of getting lots of tickets driving Mom's Ferrari. Mom might not mind after the bank foreclosed on the bank. Karen and her mother shared a Monte Carlo from the '70's, a family heirloom.

The guy wanted to go to a motel afterwards. It was a clean local motel. Karen could take care of Karen. She had a way of disarming situations. Besides, there was nowhere else to have any privacy.

He rented a movie, and Karen couldn't make up her mind at the time. She was not sure the guy meant to play 48 Hours on his laptop. She thought the movie was a plastic decoy.

Karen liked Eddie Murphy. She thought the health food store guy was O.K. He had a black Italian race car that could go 270 miles per hour on a straightaway. Tonight he was in his bomb, a Chevette.

With garlic and basil still on her breath, she was soon at the nice motel room with one movie channel. Mario Andretti's great nephew hoped Karen might give it up. He hoped she herself would take off her brass chastity belt and throw her body underneath his.

Both Karen and the health food store associate lived with one or a parent. Karen knew quite a few people, and everybody lived with their ancestors. The Lake Motel was the only place to go. It was a place to play crazy eights and watch Petticoat Junction.

The management was strict. Layton insisted somebody with pure blood drive for the imbibing. He insisted he receive a cigar later on in the event tonight's frolics caused child.

Inside Room 15B There was some talking. 50% talking, 50% subliminal movements. Ron was explaining how the health food industry wanted us all to be knowledgeable about Vitamin F, a new one. Ron told Karen that he was taking an herbal for stress, but the stuff had not taken effect yet. He thought Karen could help.

The boyish brunette N.C. State dropout kissed Karen with his lips clamped together. He kissed Karen on her forehead. Without any proceedings, the guy uncovered himself. Karen used her hand, and some Jergen's lotion in her little chiffon purse.

He was satisfied now, lying on his back. She knew he would be, while both her hands were at work. Karen cleaned up the pond on the guy's stomach. He didn't say anything. He just lay there on the bed, flaccid almost immediately.

Karen simply did not want to go the miracle mile with the guy. The fish oil advocate wagged his tail rudder. He had gotten a hand job and Karen thought, he's content. She thought, I have half the Italian loaf.

They watched part of the movie, except for Ron. All eight of his arms were in motion. Karen kept moving off the bed and calling her friend Renee. Karen kept saying to her friend she had the wrong number. The guy took her back to the malt shop. Karen's Alfa Romeo waited for her faithfully.

Karen started buying vitamins on Amazon, and changed her phone number. Another ship in the night, bye-bye.

'''''''''''''''''''''''

Karen had known Al Rolan two years. Al and her were just acquaintances and she saw Al at the grocery store. Al was an assistant manager. Not a very good assistant manager, but a very nice guy. Alan lost $18 one night.

Karen found out later the eighteen was stolen. Ducky Freemore stole the money. He worked on the dock. Karen would have never known the employee took the money from the office. Ducky gave a girl named Callie the $18. He loaned her the cash for gas and a candy bar.

That night Callie gave Ducky a blowjob behind the store. The dirty deed went on inside a delivery van. Karen got all the story from a cousin who knew Callie. Little towns are like that. Karen never passed on the story. Ducky got fired from the store later. He was apprehended stealing beer.

Karen felt really lonely out here in the country. It was so quiet she could hear the mercury-vapor lamp hum. She heard a car coming up the road at last. An old yellow Toyota was all in the world Alan drove. He turned into the driveway.

Karen got up and knocked on the front door of her Mom's house twice. Two knocks meant everything is cool, Mom. Karen's real mother switched the porch light off, then on again.

Alan turned off his lights and got out of his car. He walked around to the front of his car and Karen walked up to the guy.

"Where have you been so long?" Karen said.

Karen was not bitchy. She was surprised, worried, anxious, and had to pee. Alan had a chance to get some tonight(maybe), Karen thought, and he was almost thirty minutes late.

Alan said "I'm sorry I'm late Karen. There was so much going on. A dog got in the store before we were about to close. Do you believe that?"

"No." Karen smiled.

It is original, honey. "Really, Alan? What kind of dog?"

Alan said "He's a stray. No breed, exactly. About 100 pounds, with red and brown fur and a dewclaw missing."

Karen felt a tear. "Oh."

"Yeah." Alan looked around and said "This your Mom's house?"

Karen said "Yes. It's about fifty years old."

Karen and Alan took off in his yellow Toyota that was about half as old as Karen's Mom's house. Alan took Karen to her favorite place to eat in town.

Alan turned into the Sonic and said "Karen, we can go somewhere a bit nicer than this."

Karen loved Sonic, but didn't say so. She said "No, Alan, this is fine. I've been wanting a chocolate shake for the longest time."

Alan pulled into Karen's favorite spot at the back and cut off his car. Karen looked at Alan. He had to change at work, he told her earlier. Alan was wearing olive denim slacks and a dress shirt. Alan looked over at Karen, checking the boy out.

"You look nice." Karen said.

"Thanks." Alan replied.

He told Karen she looked nice. What he was thinking was Karen was the best looking woman he ever met. Better looking than Wonder Woman.

"Who were you thinking of just now, Alan?"

Karen was getting hungry, but she was helping a guy out of his clam shell.

Alan said "Wonder Woman. I was thinking...that you are prettier than Wonder Woman."

"In the reruns. Is that what you mean?" Karen pulled on her hair, putting a piece in her mouth. Karen thought that this was the easiest guy in the world to be with.

Before Alan could answer a male voice on the intercom blew away the hapless couple. "Welcome to Sonic, do you know what you'd like tonight?"

Karen told Alan, "Alan, please, I want a cheeseburger without onions. And....french fries.

And Alan," Karen trying to sound like Lauren Bacall, "can I have a chocolate shake."

Alan said "Are you okay, Karen?"

He tilted his head, and scrunched up his eyebrows. Then he turned back to the speaker and gave his order. Karen was a little miffed. Jeez.

Karen's date told the order taker "And I want a cheeseburger, french fries."

Then sounding a lot like John Wayne, Alan said "and I want a big chocolate milk shake."

Karen cracked up. Alan really got her good. Karen felt like he should get a lot more, tonight.

.....

Karen was sucking on her chocolate shake, after her last fry was gone. The shake had gotten more liquid in the warm April air, just the way Karen liked it. Alan was playing with his ice. The lemonade he ordered was all gone.

Karen took the straw out of her mouth. "So, where do you live, Alan?" Now she sounded like Donna Reed.

Alan pointed. "Up over that way."

"Oh. How old are you, Alan?"

Karen was looking over at the trees. Karen said to herself, who fucking cares how old, Karen. He isn't jail bait.

"It's an apartment." Alan chose not to answer the other question.

"Is it far? The reason I'm asking is, I have to pee. I sorta need to soon."

........

It only took a few minutes to get to Alan's apartment.

There were only two dwellings, and Alan had his own driveway. The neighborhood was quiet. No one came this way except Harley Davidson drivers. The two went inside without discussion.

Karen really did have to go, so didn't have time to notice Alan's home until she came out. She was quietly, happily impressed.

While Alan was taking a quick shower, Karen gave his apartment the full look over.

She already knew that Alan was not GQ or cool. She knew both types. She was in search of someone different. She thought Alan was different.

Alan had a 27" television, not a flat screen. There was a compact component stereo. He had pictures above his fireplace. That must be his mom and dad, Karen thought. The apartment was all so homey.

Alan appeared in the hallway, patting his wet hair. He kept his hair very short, almost a crew cut. "Are you feeling better?" Alan asked.

"I'm better now, thanks."

Karen played with her wristband, not looking at her watch. She looked at Alan instead. He was in jeans and a lime-green button-down shirt.

"I want some cold water. Would you like some?"

"That sounds fine, Alan."

They stumbled into the kitchen, Karen following. He looks pretty good from behind, Karen thought. Once they are washed a few times, they do look good on the right guy.

In Alan's kitchen Karen saw some compact discs lying on the counter next to the range. One was a Dwight Yoakam album. Alan saw Karen looking at the case and he asked "Do you like him?"

Karen said "I love him."

"Want to play it?"

Karen placed the disc in the boom box and found a song. It was a slow number.

Two heavy tumblers were on the kitchen table. Alan had drained his. He stood looking out the window at the woods. The kitchen was dark all of a sudden. Alan turned around and Karen was standing about eight inches away.

"Dance with me, Alan."

"Alright, Karen. Did you find the light switch alright?"

.........

"Alan, are you uncomfortable?"

Karen's nose was level with Alan's ear and her nose was nestled in his ear. Her elevated sandals were by the back door and her feet were bare. She figured she was an inch taller than Alan. Too bad, I just like tall men, Karen thought. I'll throw this one back.

"No, Karen, but you know how I feel right now."

Karen smiled at Alan. "Yeah. Well, Alan, we're close together. But we're not at the sock hop."

Kiss me, you fool, thought Karen.

Karen's thought projection worked. With some help.

Alan had a projection of his own, and it was aimed straight at Karen's tunnel of love. With a little hesitation Alan kissed Karen.

Karen kissed him back, and it lasted a tenth of a second. It might have been decades. They broke the time contraption, and broke the kiss.

Karen reached down and touched Alan's schlong through his slacks. He was less than rigid and there was moisture on the material. She could see Alan blinking in the dark, looking straight at her.

"Want to go to your living room couch?" Karen asked. She didn't mind approaching Alan for sex. He was warmed up.

Alan pushed her hair back, and looked off. "I have clean sheets on the bed." Karen got a little toastier. Inviting me to his bed now. He likes you, Karen!

Alan's bedroom did not need a night light. He could open his curtains and a blue mercury-vapor light was outside his window. Just like the one at home. He left the hall light on and the bedroom door halfway open.

They undressed in the dim light. Karen undressed down to her panties and her bra, and stopped. She stood still and looked at over at Alan. He was naked except for his briefs, standing by the small metal desk near the head of his single bed.

"Alan. Don't you want to come closer to me?"

He walked up to Karen and put his hands on Karen's hips. He kissed her neck, just below her ear. Alan found the catch on the back of Karen's brassiere.

Karen took her bra off carefully and he lay the garment on the chair by the door. By the time he turned back to her, Karen was pulling her panties over her feet. Alan saw Karen from her side. He sighed in appreciation.

It seemed to Karen that the guy wanted to be on top if it was their first time together. Karen wanted Alan on top, for approximately the same reason. She liked it all.

The majority of the time Alan was missionary he was up in the air above Karen. His dick was inside her, poking her. While Alan poked her he kissed her boobs, and kissed her mouth. Alan didn't lay on top of her. Karen thought Alan was better than average. Quite a bit better.

Karen pushed against the mattress with her buttocks. She felt waves of pleasure go through her. They were soft waves.

As much as Karen was loving it, Karen sensed Alan was on the edge of his climax. She put her arms around his shoulders and let her pelvis lie still.

"Should have gone to watch the submarine races? At the lake?" Alan asked her, on his side. He faced Karen's lush brown hair. It smelled good.

Karen smiled in the dark, on her back. "What for? I can pretend this is the motel." She laid her hand on his stomach.

Hell, Karen thought, I like it. This guy wants everybody to be happy. Both of us. Maybe I can keep him around.

Karen did everything. The evening was a natural high. Karen got Alan on his stomach, and then kissed his buttocks. She figured it would tickle some, and soon Alan buried his head in the pillow.

Most women Karen knew would not do such a thing with a guy. Andrea would say Karen was kissing his ass.

Alan did not get a woman in bed often, Karen sensed. Just the same, he knew the right things to say and do on a date. He knew the right things to do and say in bed. Anyway, the guy did not crowd Karen and he didn't try. He didn't have to try.

After the second time they had sex, Karen lay her head on Alan's chest, happy. She never did that with anyone else either.

Like everybody else on the face of the earth, Alan and Karen were on the clock. Conversation took up time. Karen wanted more time. Alan did, also.

Alan and Karen both wanted more time to talk, and make love. They spent their date, the first date, in Alan's bed.

The next morning Karen made up an excuse to go out. They had cereal and Karen was on top of the world. She tried not to show it.

When Karen hit the back door with her backpack, her Mom was loading the dishwasher and singing an old jazz song. Sand smoke rose up and fell on the blacktop.

Less than five minutes after Karen left her house, the phone in their den rang. Karen's mother jogged to the den in her sandals.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know your last name. This is Alan, Karen's date last night"

"It's Elaine. Ellie Waxmeir." What can I do for you?"

"Is Karen there?" Elaine Waxmeir heard a female voice in the background. A door shut.

Miss Waxmeir put a hand on a hip. She said "No. Karen isn't here."

"She is here at my apartment, Miss Waxmeir. She just walked in."

"O.K."

"Well, ma'am, Karen says you and her are the same size."

"We are the about the same size. What does Karen want to know?"

"What?" Alan was talking to Karen now. "A dress. Your Mom's white dress?"

Miss Waxmeir: "Karen wants my white dress?" Twenty seconds of silence. "Are you up for this, Alan?"

Alan thought so, and Karen thought, yeah. Alan and Karen wanted lots of time to think, first. Her and Alan could think better after coffee, and after they made love some more.