Divorce Counsel
"Well that well and truly sucked."
Jessica eased herself into a chair across the desk from her boss, the managing partner of Hale Goodfellow and Wellmet, "Denver's premier family law firm!" and let out a sigh. She slouched and crossed her legs catching her boss checking her out again. Of course, she dressed this way specifically to distract the straight men who were her usual opponents in court, or perhaps gain a bit a favor with a judge. Today, unfortunately, her opponent was gay and the judge had no tolerance for guys who tried to screw their kids out of child support. With the client she had represented today that was a combination no amount of flashed leg would overcome.
"What did the asshole do this time?" John Hale asked calmly. He had been practicing family law - divorce law really - for over 20 years and had pretty much seen it all, though he was often shocked he saw it so often. Jessica was still pretty new to this and had an idealistic streak. "Give her a few more years before full blown cynicism" John thought.
Jessica sat up and straightened her skirt. She was in her "court uniform" as she thought of it - pencil in skirt, high heeled pumps, button down blouse. She knew she wore it well, since all those hours in the gym or Colorado's high country kept her in fantastic shape. It was a fantastic tension tamer as well. All that exercise kept her smallish breasts a firm.
She was once told by a boyfriend that anyone with a few thousand dollars could buy big boobs, but a great butt and legs were earned. She liked the fact that she had earned the looks she got and never tired of using them to her advantage. A well timed flash of thigh during negotiations or in court always threw off her male opponents and she would often wear something sexy under her "uniform" to really distract them. Today, however, even the lace at the top of her thigh high stockings was not enough even though Judge Cohen was a well know old lecherous man who spent his lunches at the local strip club. There are just some lines a judge won't tolerate your client crossing.
"Well," she began "you know how we always thought that Mr. Boyle was hiding assets so he could get out of child support payments? His books never quite made sense to us but we never really looked in to how bad they were."
"Yeah. He is an ass that way." John replied. "We told him to let us hire an auditor because we had to turn them over and his ex would be guaranteed to have the books audited. The woman worked for CPAs for fucks sake!"
"Oh, he's graduated to full blown shit." Jessica replied. "He got on the witness stand and I took him through all the financials he gave us, like how his business is failing and ran through all the numbers. It turns out he keeps two sets of books. Amazing what subpoenas to local banks can produce - like we didn't warn the fool. Also, you know how he always shows up here in that beat up old truck from his company?"
"Yeah"
"Turns out his other car is a Maserati Gran Turismo. So the ex-wife's lawyer starts cross examining him by showing him a bunch of pictures of him driving up in this car to fancy steak houses - you know, like Elways and Mortons - and getting out with different women each time. He then pulls out the bills and shows how much he spends at these places. For one month his steak house bills alone were more than his claimed take home pay. It went downhill from there. In the end Judge Cohen referred the case to the DA's office to investigate him for perjury and ordered all him to allow an accounting team into his business to really audit the books. He does not like getting lied to and he really hates it when the lie was to fuck over his own kids. Ya know, just to get outa supporting your own kids, the shit."
"Yeah, you're right. He's a shit." John agreed with Jessica. "Remember what I told you when you came over from the public defender's office. In criminal court you saw the worst people on their best behavior but in divorce court..."
"You see the best people on their worst behavior" they said together and laughed.
"Not your fault and the prick will get what he deserves." John comforted Jessica. "And this is another example of why we get paid up front, 'cause he sure can't write checks from a jail cell."
"It would not surprise me if the scum was heading to the airport now to get out of the country. I'm hopin' his next call is from someplace without an extradition treaty to the U.S., Somalia maybe? " Jessica said. "Look, I know it is only 3:00 but that was rough. I think Judge Cohen believes we knew and tried to helped Boyle cover. I just want to go home, pack a big bowl of weed and forget the day."
The nice thing about working for a small law firm is that you could be completely open about lots of things, including the use of Colorado's famously legal plant. The office represented marijuana businesses and got great discounts as a result.
"OK. First, Cohen practiced law too and knows clients lie to us all the time. He won't blame you or me. You just got the overflow of his anger. But, can you do me a favor on your way home?" John asked.
Jessica sighed. "Please not another jerk trying to screw his kids"
"No, this one's easy." John said. "We've got the final divorce decree for Michael O'Connor and we need to drop a copy off and have him sign the original. It'll take you five minutes and he's a good guy."
Jessica smiled. "Didn't he tell us the judge could determine as a matter of fact and law that he was zombie Vlad the Impaler so long as the property settlement was 50/50?"
"Yeah, that's the guy. You can do that when there are no kids and it is just a property split." John chuckled. "I also liked his instructions - if it is worth less than your hourly fee let her have it. Guys would find their divorces lots easier and cheaper if they all did that."
"Did he meet his goal to be the least expensive divorce we've ever done?" Jessica asked
"Nope. His ex was a bitch about a few things. She wanted to play the victim even though it wouldn't make any difference in the property distribution. He gave up more than he should have just to make her go away and he says he is much happier that way. I've no doubt he is. Anyway, here's the paperwork and he's expecting someone between four and four-thirty today at home. Since it is near your house, would you mind?" John said.
"OK. Besides this should be good news for him, right? He took a lot of grief from her if I remember. And he is such a nice guy" Jessica was learning that most divorce cases had plenty of fault on both sides. Her afternoon in court showed that sometimes you got guys like Boyle who were complete shits to their ex-spouse and their kids and the courts and their lawyers too. Sometimes you got the other extreme, like O'Connor - nice people who select the worst partners and suffer throughout the marriage and the divorce. His ex never though the poor guy did anything right, despite going from dead broke and bankrupt, completely switching careers and now making a solid six figures with a few million in the bank. He was a super nice guy who worked his ass off for her and she couldn't appreciate it, so he finally said enough and she left when she could no longer get her way.
"Her loss, big time. He's well off, he works hard, makes great money, a good looking guy and he always treats women as equals and with respect. " Jessica thought. "Not like Boyle's comments about the receptionist being a hot piece of ass."
Jessica thought of Mr. O'Connor as a man who had aged very well. He kept what was left of his hair short and sported a rich grey beard. "From my glasses down, Ernest Hemmingway. From my glasses up, Jean Luc Piccard." He had once joked.
Applying the eye of a gym rat, Jessica had always seen that he kept in decent shape. He was obviously strong. Jessica had once seen him help the office manager store 50 pound boxes of paper on overhead shelves. He would pick them up and hoist them at a better pace than most 20 year olds and all just to help the very short office manager. "I do lots of heavy interval training." He explained.
Jessica dumped Boyle's file on her desk, grabbed the O'Connor papers and headed out. Once behind the wheel she was grateful that this side trip would be short, easy and with a good grateful client. Then a nice big bowl of that high THC weed she had picked up from her favorite dispensary... make that two bowls and my vibrator too with some decent porn... Better yet, dabs! I've got that fantastic shatter! And then the vibrator in the bathtub... mmmmmm Thank God for waterproof vibrators!
She felt a distinct warmth of anticipation as she walked to Mr. O'Connor's door and surprised herself with her reaction to Mr. O'Connor when he opened the door. He wore jeans and a brown button down shirt and cowboy boots.
"Oh! Ahhhhh, hi there Mr. O'Connor." She fumbled at his greeting. She just hadn't expected an older man to look so... hot. Like that "World's Most Interesting Man" commercial dignified, old yet still strong hot that not many guys pull off.
"Ms. Hernandez? Nice to see you. I was expecting John. Come in! Come in!"
"Please call me Jessica."
"And I've been telling you to call me Mike, Michael or Your Majesty for some time. Mr. O'Connor won't do. And I understand you have my final release and full pardon in there."
"No such luck. Just a divorce decree." Jessica smiled. She always liked this guy's sense of humor.
"Yes. Exactly. They are one and the same. Just trying to be poetic." He laughed as he took her coat and hung it in the hallway closet. "All important business in the kitchen, right? Besides, that will let me get out the champagne and you can help me toast."
"I'm not sure I should be drinking with a client." Jessica said. She had caught a distinct smell and, as they entered the kitchen she saw it.
A blowtorch and a bong all ready for dabs and a large computer screen with porn showing.
O'Connor heard her stop, turned, then followed her gaze to the bong.
He laughed. "I figured you'd want me sober to sign this, so I'm not high. And as for the porn... I expected John and it was a joke we had. I was like the laundry. I wasn't getting done either."
