I was ridiculously nervous, and had talked myself out of coming here at least a dozen times both before and after I cancelled my previous plans. "Shit!" I yelled and hit the steering wheel. I closed my eyes, took several deep breaths, and got out of the car.
I rang the doorbell and fidgeted, waiting for it to be answered. Aaron opened the door, smiling, and beckoned me in. He embraced me in one of his "never want to let you go" hugs. All I had to do was force myself to not let it go on for too long; although, "too long" really is relative.
We exchanged pleasantries and he led me into the kitchen to drop off my contribution to the party. I'd never been to his house before. I looked out the sliding glass door and saw his kids, his uncle James with whom I'd been friends with for years, and other family. I frowned a bit.
"Where's Ellie? Did she have to work?" I was surprised she wasn't latched onto him, monitoring every move he made. Aaron smiled a bit lopsided.
"Ah, I broke things off last week. She moved back with her parents over the weekend. Temporary until the papers are filed. Then who knows where she'll go." My jaw dropped.
"And you didn't tell me?" I was shocked, and had no idea what to say. "I'm so sorry," well, sort of. "That's rough to go through." I frowned again, remembering my own divorce. It did indeed suck, even when you were happy for them to go.
"I wanted it to be a surprise." Then he winked, settling his gaze on me. I couldn't look away; all the possibilities that had just opened up, I was floored. I was just about ready to go to him when I heard a child shriek and bring me back to the fact that we were in his kitchen, with a good chunk of his family out in the back yard. Aaron winked at me again and headed outside with me in tow.
The evening was torture. So close, and yet I still couldn't do more than watch him. I had known Aaron for eleven years, and there had always been one thing or another stopping us from getting together. The latest, of course, being his marriage. He had recently popped back in my life after five years of almost no contact, though I had kept track of how he was doing through his uncle James. Then he showed up in the neighborhood one day at the behest of James to grab something I had for him. With his wife.
We were together alone for mere minutes, and the air had been charged with more sexual energy than I could ever have imagined. Our eyes locked, and I fell into them hook, line, and sinker. No words, just looking at one another. I was the one to look away first. Married, I had reminded myself, married.
Back in touch, I found out that his marriage was miserable. I first strongly counseled him to work things out, offering several suggestions and reminding him that he took the vows as a forever type of deal, doing my best to help him succeed and be happy. The more I learned, however, the more I decided he needed to get divorced after all. She belittled him and made him feel like shit, controlled his money with an iron fist, and clung to him in a way that tried to keep him away from even his family. The fact that I wanted him in my bed, well, I tried hard to ignore that part. But I didn't like the bitch one bit, though I'd only met her the one time.
A month or so after he showed up at my house, Ellie was out of town for a week and Aaron came over after work to have a couple beers and catch up. I was nervous because I thought I was tempting fate, but really wanted to see him. After two or three beers, a discussion on the details of his marriage and possible resolutions, a discussion on our mutual attraction that still existed, what we liked in bed, and three very long hugs that were mutually clingy, he left. Almost in tears, I screamed when he pulled out of the driveway and kicked things rather childishly.
We texted. Mostly just BSing, but I was trying to keep tabs on him and how he was doing. Then, after a covert meeting in a grocery store parking lot after he got off work late at night, I realized I couldn't do this. It wasn't cheating in the physical sense (unless you count the hugs), but when you start secretly meeting someone and they lie about where they were to their spouse, it's a different form of the same idea. I abhor cheating, and wish people could be branded with the scarlet letter. The meeting made me feel guilty. Besides, seeing him without more than a hug was hurting me.
So... a text here and there, and I kept my distance. He didn't push, either. Then out of the blue, an invite to his July 4th party. I checked that James would be there first, so that it wasn't as awkward, and then cancelled my other plans so I could go. I figured with people all around, it would be safe, right? Also, to be honest, probably stupid and desperate.
I went inside to get another drink and James followed me in, closing the sliding door behind him. Then he gave me a look.
