How does one come to possess the moniker Dirty Dan? Glad you asked. I grew up poor, not simply without, but dirt poor. My two sisters and I had little to nothing outside the very basics, all of our clothes were hand me downs, we had no indoor plumbing, we did have electricity and heated our small three room shack with wood.
We would take a bath every Saturday night in what was designated the kitchen area. Ma would heat water in one of those old square tubs, it was somewhere around 3x3x18" high. Ma would always wash the girls when pa and I were outside doing chores. Mother did laundry and baked bread every Saturday, so pa and I would wash while they were outside taking clothes off the lines.
My sisters were older, I recall when puberty was upon them, they were after ma to wash more often, allow them to shave their pits, get underwear that wasn't a hand me down. Mother accommodated as much as was humanly possible. Dad wasn't illiterate, but close. He had been forced to leave school after 8th grade to help on the family farm. He was now in his mid-thirties and still working as a farm hand, being paid just enough to survive.
We had chickens, mother sold the extra eggs as well as stewing hens when they stopped laying. It wasn't a lot, but it helped. She mainly used it to do things for us kids, mother never bought a thing for herself outside the very basic needs. All her outer clothes were hand me downs, of course doing laundry with an old ringer washer only helped to wear them out faster. She hung all our laundry outside, even in the winter.
Where did Dirty Dan come from? When I reached puberty, I didn't really care who thought what about me. I'd been made fun of and picked on all my life so who gave a rat's ass. I didn't pay attention to personal hygiene, as many young boys don't. I didn't use deodorant, or brush my teeth every day, sometimes I didn't change my underwear. Well ... I stunk, I was unkempt and often down right dirty. Thus, the name Dirty Dan.
Midway through my 8th grade year dad got a better job with a larger dairy operation. His salary had increased, but the greatest benefit for our family was that a 3 bedroom one and a half bath mobile home was part of his wage. The utilities were included, he got two Sundays a month off, half a hog and a quarter of a steer a year. For the first time in my life we had running water and indoor plumbing. Though the girls had showered after gym in high school it was a new experience for me. One that I welcomed. Suddenly hygiene was important to me.
The mobile home had a stackable washer/dryer combo and for the first time in mother's life she didn't have to hang clothes if she didn't want to. I got to where I liked being clean, brushing my teeth, etc, no longer stinking and dirty. The nickname however stayed with me. I was hired to help with haying and other chores the summer before my freshman year. I had saved most of what I'd made, the girls were working part time at a diner called Rods. One on the grill the other washing dishes. Just before school my sisters and I went to the closest goodwill store and bought as many clothes as our money allowed.
Our clothes weren't new, nor were they necessarily the latest style, but they were not hand me downs. I let them drag me through Penneys as they bought some panties and bras. I felt like a perv looking at all those things, but I was with my sister's, so I drank in as much as I could. I had even imagined Becky Johnson dressed in some of those teeny tiny panties. That of course was a pipe dream, Becky was three or four levels above me. Speaking with me would have been an insult to her.
I had grown physically and mentally through the summer. No longer a demure punk kid to be pushed around and taunted, I was now 5'11", weighed 164 and was rock solid. Bob Seegers song "Like A Rock" always made me smile. I was introduced to football and loved it. I had enough disdain inside from being picked on all those years that the football field was the perfect place to shed that anger. I was ruthless and fast, earning a position as linebacker on the varsity team in my freshman year.
After football I participated in power lifting, as soon as that finished I was playing baseball. Sports occupied my time during the school year, my summer job the rest of the year. The spring after my sophomore year Sam Johnson offered me a job at his True Value Hardware store. The store had been open over 100 years and was a typical older hardware store. They were also licensed plumbers and electricians. I worked with Sam and his son Tucker the last two summers and weekends of high school.
My grades were good enough for college, and I had considered it, but decided to pursue the trades instead. At that time you had to prove you'd worked 7000 hours (3-1/2 years) with a licensed electrician to take the journeyman exam. With my time during summers and working after graduation I was ready to take my exam at the age of 22. Plumbing took a little longer, but I eventually passed the exam at the age of 25. I attained my masters license in both fields a few years later. I had considered starting a business but didn't want to take away Sam's customers. While working for Sam I noticed he turned down a lot of smaller jobs in favor of the larger ones.
I spoke with Sam, telling him I wanted to go into business, but concentrate on all the jobs no one else wanted. Sam told me it was a gold mine and to go for it. In the fall of my 28th year I opened Dan's Repairs. The motto on the side of my truck read, "I finish what your husband started." I had all the work I wanted from replacing electrical outlets, to replacing a toilet or faucet, to small remodels. I was seldom without work.
The name on the truck said Dan's Repairs, but when people called it was usually more like, "Hey is this Dirty Dan?" I'd gotten to where it didn't bother me anymore, in fact it set me apart from all the others. During the winter of my first year in business the moniker Dirty Dan took on an entirely new meaning. I'd been asked to bid a kitchen remodel for Linda Ethridge and husband. She was Linda Merriman when we were in high school. I had gotten the job and was thankful to have a two or three week project in the same place.
Linda's husband was a real piece of work. He was six years older than Linda, who was my age, and once the newness of marriage wore off he became a beer guzzling pot bellied abusive prick. Linda stayed home with two small kids at the time. She would fix me a small lunch each day, we'd talk about classmates, family, every day chit chat. On Wednesday of the second week as we were having lunch Linda asked me a very interesting question.
"Why do people still call you Dirty Dan? I would have thought you'd long outgrown that."
"Well so did I, but people tend to hang onto senseless shit much longer than they should."
"I hear you're quite the lady's man, maybe that's why the name sticks. Tell me Dan, how dirty do you get?"
I didn't know what to say. I was never expecting something like this. Linda was smiling as she stared into my eyes. I figured "what the hell", I may as well find out what's on her mind.
"Tell me what you have in mind Linda, then I'll have a better answer for you."
"What I have in mind Dan, is if you can be discrete about things and keep your mouth shut. I might like to work off a little of this project in the bedroom. My husband makes sure I get no more money than I absolutely need to run the house, so I'm without an income to hire a lawyer and get out of this miserable situation. You can figure what that bedroom time is worth, charge the entire amount, after my husband pays, you can give the difference to me and I can divorce this shithead I'm stuck with. Is that too dirty for you Dan? After all, the truck says you finish what our husbands started."
I was grinning like the cat who just swallowed the canary. Linda continued with the conversation.
"I'm taking that shit eatin grin on your face as a yes. The kids go down for a nap everyday at 11 and sleep at least two hours. Once they're asleep I'll be waiting for you in my bedroom, we can figure out what we want to do from there. Sound okay?"
"Yes Linda, that sounds like a good deal. How often do you want to do this?
"Every day Dan, every day. It's already 11:45, so why don't we go to the bedroom and I'll give you a preview of tomorrow."
As I followed Linda I realized how nice her body was. After two kids her hips had widened a bit, but she didn't have an extra tire around her waist. I did like the little wiggle her butt produced as she walked. In the room she closed the door and began undressing me. When I protested she assured me she would do the same quickly and that I was to enjoy the show.
