Dear Paul

On Thursday, April 23, 2020, 09:03:34 AM PDT lori wrote:

Hi Paul,

Thank you for responding to my posting yesterday. Your email is very compelling and I too would like to know more about you.

How are you holding up during the covid-19 shelter in place phenomenon? My work is considered essential so I continue to show up but there really isn't much going on. Prior to SIP, my life would be super busy working full-time, volunteering for a local youth organization and raising two sons 14 and 18. I'm using this time to rethink how I spend my free time and reassessing where I am, where I want to go, you know easy stuff like that ;-). During slow times like this (and generally around the new year holidays) I realize how lonely I am and how much I've neglected my sexy grown up self.

I'm kind of introverted and don't care to take the time needed to do a real dating scene and I'm not inclined to getting bonded to another. I initiated the divorce with my husband (about 7 years ago) and feel like I've damaged my kids enough and don't want to make our lives more complicated than they already are with men coming in and out of my life so I've sacrificed that part of me. When SIP is lifted, I don't want to go back to being too busy and forgetting that I'm a woman with unexpressed desires and interests.

I could go on (and on) if you give me permission and express continued interest. Thanks again Paul. I look forward to hearing back from you. -lori

On Thursday, April 23, 2020, 04:49:20 PM PDT lori wrote:

Hi Paul,

I'm taking a break from my learning Spanish session. It's just starting to get a little harder and I need a diversion before I plunge back in and start week two ;-).

I do want a connection. I want small distractions throughout my day. I want something to think about and help bring a smile to face. I tend to take better care of myself when I have that connection with someone. I want to share all my slutty-ness with someone who will enjoy it and look forward to it and delight in it. I'm open to dark allies and open fields metaphorically and literally.

I do not want a complication. I do not want a soul mate. I do not want walks on beaches while holding hands. I do not want dates. I do not want to be on display for anyone other than the one person and with that one person I want to be truly me. The sometimes liberal and sometimes conservative; the sometimes prim and sometimes wanton; the sometimes wise to the ways of the world and the sometimes naive as a new baby; the sometimes girly and giving and the sometimes aggressive and taking; the sometimes silent and the sometimes talkative.

I do not want to hurt anyone. I want to give. I want to give tender kisses and sweet blow jobs and write out little stories of "I do this and you do that and it feels like this". I want someone to see me as sexy and I want someone to want me and my nipples and my pussy and my imagination and my attention.

(Side note: I listen to a lot of audio books. Mostly I listen to sci-fi/fantasy. I tend to lean more towards clean stuff I wouldn't mind sharing with my kids. I grew up getting turned on by word porn. I listened to the girl with the dragon tattoo series and had to literally call Audible to get it removed from my account because I didn't want my kids to have access to it. Every now and again, I'll go through one of those girl meets boy while surviving a horrible dystopian world series. You know what I'm talking about: Hunger Games, Divergent, Delirium, that kind of thing. And I can't stop crying at the end of them. Bawling actually sometimes. It's not the book or the story or the writing. Instead it's this longing of something I've lost and I'm afraid I will never have again.)

A little compliment, some satisfying orgasms, a kind word, a romantic touch, those are things that would be icing on the cake. What do you want? What were you looking for on that site? What may I give you in return for your attention? --lori

On Thursday, April 23, 2020, 010:49:20 PM PDT lori wrote:

Hi Paul,

You are good, scary good. You are like the dark body of water on a warm day. Under the surface is a tempting mystery — I want to dive in completely but I'm afraid of what I can't see and may discover.

I know a mental image is important so I am going to try to describe myself. I want to ground the fantasy face in the real face so there isn't a disconnect when/if the time comes.

I'm SSBBW and with age my once a pear figure is looking more like a scary apple. Picture Venus von Willendorf. I'm not completely confident in the second b but have no hesitations in committing to the two capital s's. I have brown hair cut in a blob. I'm starting to gray a wee bit. I have brown eyes. I never wear makeup nor do I shave mostly because I don't have a lot of body hair but you will find some hair in my under arms. I prefer skirts and dresses because they are easier to hide under. I like wearing flat sandals and flip flops.

(Side note: Chaco's are the best shoes ever.)

Within the past 6 months I've had two people comment on my sweet honest face. I just have to roll my eyes when it happens. I am not photogenic. I am the single mom next door that has whatever it is you need to borrow. I am the loyal and faithful volunteer that may not have all the answers but is open about what she knows and doesn't know. I'm the person that likes to listen to stories as she keeps her hands busy making something/anything.

This is what I'm thinking you are like and what I find scary attractive. I think you are a grown up and communicate well. I think you are successful in the business world. I think you like solving problems, are good at sales and making decisions. I think you are romantic and like the mind play as much as the body play. I think I like what I've encountered so far. I like your dominance. In some ways I need to be coaxed into the water.

If you would like me to continue with a truth about myself, I know what I want to share. just let me know — I should have some time in the morning. Good night Paul.

On Friday, April 24, 2020, 010:25 AM PDT lori wrote:

Hey Paul,

I'm glad you want to continue. My plan is to clear up the story of my time with Bill -- my babies daddy? my ex-husband? my ex? the guy I was married to? That's going to take a bit of time and I'm going to type it up in word and then copy and paste.

But while I'm here now and because you've been very patient with me, I'm going to talk a little bit about last night. Yes, the emails tumbled through my mind. Yes, I read and reread the string. Yes, I felt a compulsion to respond yesterday. I tried going to sleep after my last note last night. I tried and tried. I tossed and turned.

And all day yesterday and continuing into my tossing and turning I kept feeling heat and tightening around my clit and in my pussy. A slow pulsation of blood and sensation. It's a sweet feeling and something that I've been missing. I enjoyed the feel of it without any touching or plans but I wasn't going to sleep so I had to. I had to touch myself. I tend to be a little boring sometimes in that I find something I like or that works and I stick with it. I pretty much masturbate the same way every time. It's like always ordering the fish tacos or eggplant if you can find it on the menu -- you know you love them, why mess with success?

This, in some detail, is what I do. I lie on my left side and with my left hand I cup my right boob and squeeze my right nipple between index finger and thumb. I like to bend my right knee up so I have access to the area between my legs and I bring my right hand down onto my clit and i rub it back and forth using my middle finger to massage it. Sometimes, and I did this last night, I dip my finger tip inside where I find my wetness and juices and I rub this all over my pussy before I go back to fingering my clit back and forth from left to right.

Sometimes, and again I did this last night, the left nipple feels disappointed to not be invited to the party. I can't get the same grip on my left boob as I do on my right so I just grab the nipple between the finger and the thumb and pull on it and squeeze it hard. It sends shivers through me. It sent shivers through me last night too. But I couldn't come. My mind was too busy and I wasn't focusing on my body in the moment. So I played with myself for a long time. Thinking about my new friend Paul and the stories I wanted to tell and the things he wrote to me about touching my body for the first time. Kissing me for the first time. And I finally came and it was nice. I got that super relaxed feeling all over and had no troubles sleeping after that.

On Friday, April 24, 2020, 011:54 AM PDT lori wrote:

Ok, here's this morning's essay:

Hi Paul,

Bill and I met online and new each other for a whopping 6 weeks before we eloped in Nevada in May 2001. At the time, I was recently laid off after the dot com bubble bust where I had been working as a recruiter. I was living in San Francisco at the time. I lived off the 16th St Bart station in the mission if you are familiar with San Francisco neighborhoods. I had a sweet rent control 1 bedroom apartment. I had a membership to the Y on the embarcadero downtown close to where my office was. I swam, worked the machines and would walk home from there. When I got home, I would look for work and look at other things online.

One of the things online I would look at was a sex-positive site called Nerve. I don't know if the site is still up or not but it had spicy stories, a position of the day illustration and personal ads. One of the questions asked on your personal ad profile was about your favorite sex scene on screen. My answer was watching Marlon Brando in the Fugitive Kind. There is a scene in the movie when he's talking to a woman and he's leaning up against the wall and he has his thumbs looped into his pants waste band and oh my! It is something. Anyway, we started emailing, then calling, then dating.

There's a back story to my kink that involves word porn while growing up (I got my hands on every book that had good sex scenes and would read and reread them over and over again) and a couple of completely inappropriate older boyfriends during my 20's. The one in my later 20's did drive a motorcycle, lived in North Beach, was a foodie, described himself as bi and took me to a sex shop owned by modern women called Good Vibrations. We bought toys and he used them on me. From him I learned I liked plugs, dildos, nipple clamps and vibrators and sometimes I would like them all at the same time. After breaking up with him, I invested in my own stash and experimented with them with a couple of other partners.

On my first date with Bill he let me know how super religious he was and that he had a special friend named Jesus. He also gave me little kisses while I waited with him at a bus stop. Before we got married, we had one sleep over that involved everything but him putting his penis into my vagina. That's where he and apparently Bill Clinton draw the line.

While I was unemployed, I also was going through honest-to-God psychotherapy with a Freudian analyst 3 x a week, on the couch just saying whatever came up into my mind. The day before the trip to Reno, I told my therapist I was getting married. He basically stopped everything and told me I could not get married and that I was going through a psychotic episode.

Yes, I got married to Bill anyway only knowing him for 6 weeks, having met him on what he called a porn site, and after my Freudian analyst actually intervened and told me I was going through a psychotic episode. Hindsight is always 20x20.

So, boom. Married. Next boom, pregnant. Third boom, realize my error and too scared to have a baby on my own so I tried to make it work. Hahahaha. For like 10+ years. But the issue wasn't him not wanting to have sex, I'm the one that chose celibacy because I couldn't be with him. I didn't respect or trust him. Why?

While I was pregnant, he went back to Nerve and created a new personal ad looking for "a third partner to share our marriage bed". He called one night after going out to see if he could bring a stranger home because he thought she was an angel.

He wouldn't let me be on top ever. This was my gold standard go to in bed for maximum pleasure. (I haven't been on top with anyone since then. This makes me sad.) He wouldn't let us practice any kind of birth control other than NFP (natural family planning). Which for us meant he got a blow job or I got it up the ass 99.9% of the time. (I really like to have my pussy penetrated.) I also had extreme periods and it was suggested I get an IUD but he and the priest (eastern Orthodox) wouldn't have it.

So I know I said "he wouldn't allow it" and "they wouldn't let me" and I know this story shows incredibly poor judgment. I threw my toys and libido away and focused on being a good mom because I was afraid to parent alone. And then one day I realized I was already parenting alone and instead of two kids I had three and one of them had to go for all of us to be better people. In addition to all the other things I just shared about Bill he was not capable of holding a job beyond 1 year. He's still not. In addition to realizing I was already Head of Household I also unexpectedly got my libido back.

I had a vendor that would visit on sales/service calls and flirt and flirt and flirt. I didn't even realize what was happening or that he was flirting until one day I did. And that day (more or less) I went home, had the best sex with Bill ever, told him I loved him over and over again all the while thinking of my vendor and wanting to be with him. Why was this the best sex ever? Because I came hard and when I did Matt rolled me onto my stomach and he fucked my ass and I was so relaxed from coming it felt really good and he went really deep and I never thought I would ever say that.

So ever since then, I've wanted those feelings of new love. Of tingles and excitement. Of getting to know someone intimately -- not just physically but emotionally as well. I wanted to share myself with someone and have those feelings reciprocated and enjoyed. I still do.

On Friday, April 24, 2020, 04:09 PM PDT lori wrote:

I was thinking about you last night but it hadn't occurred to me that you would come from behind kissing my neck and shoulders. I like the way my body is up against yours and your hands running over my curves. You know I love it when you play with my nipples -- just -- like -- that and make them hard with your fingers and feeling your hardness pushing up against me on my backside. And your kisses, I need your kisses and I want them to go on forever. But what is this? Your mouth has found my nipples. I throw my head back and push my breasts closer to you.

My hands are in your hair and I want to wrap my legs around you. I want to feel more of you. I bring my hand down to the front of your pants and I find peace and love and happiness and deep desire burning in me to feel more of you. It is so sweet to feel you and your kisses on my body and I love the way you guide me to exactly where you want me.

My legs spread wide open in anticipation and I can't control the shivers as you blow on my pussy and I can't handle it. I pull your head back up to my mouth and you use your fingers to explore me. They go deep inside me as I take your tongue in my mouth and my hand finds its way down to your cock. You know I want to suck you. And because you are such a gentleman you let me move my mouth down your body and I'm quickly at the tip of your penis and there is a wee bit of ejaculate on the very tip and I lick it and it tastes so good and you smell so fresh and musky.

And I lick the sides of your penis and your balls and the insides of your thighs and then I slowly position myself to see how full my mouth can get with your dick and I lose focus for a minute because your fingers are back on my clit and I just have to lay there and keep still for a minute and enjoy the sensation of your fingers and then I remember your dick is so close right there and I go to suck on it again and I suck slowly and I push my tongue up against your scrotum and I feel the tip of your penis pushing up against the back of my throat and my moans are coming deeply inside me because I can feel your fingers deep inside me while your thumb is playing just the right tune on my clit and my thighs are convulsing and I cum.

I cum hard and collapse a little because I am so relaxed and cozy and I move back up to you so my face is next to yours and we look into each other's eyes knowing each other so well but only having just met so we are new and old to each other at the same time and I give you sweet little kisses on your lips and you take my hand and place it on your dick and it's hard and ready and I'm not sure what you want to do next. You will have to tell me what happens next.

On Friday, April 24, 2020, 09:33 PM PDT lori wrote:

Paul, I want you to come inside me while I'm grinding my pussy on you. I want you to squeeze and tease my nipples so much I will get little reminders tomorrow when they stay sensitive the whole day. I want our groove to mesh and I want to feel you come inside me. I want our juices and smells to meld and I know it will feel so good I might even start to cry. I will definitely be out of breath and have that crazy I-just-came-again-ultra-relaxed body and place my head on your shoulder and I'll cup your penis softly after and hold it because it will feel good and you'll start talking about your work and I'll drink some water and we will curl up some more and I will agree with everything you say and admire how smart and wise you are.

On Wed, Apr 29, 2020 at 1:16 PM lori wrote:

Hey there, I think there was an email about mixed up conversations and weird email thingies. You mentioned you didn't want me to patronize or provide indicators of other conversations I may or may not be engaged in. I'm sharing this because I'm really super proud of myself and really I have no one else to tell and it might be of interest to you.

I got about 30 or so responses to my post. I reached back to maybe 5 men. It's interesting how the conversations have gone. I was a really big girl today and politely/nicely ended them. I feel super good about it. They were truly an unnecessary distraction.

What may be of interest to you is why I continue the conversation with you.

1. you actually talk to me

2. your emails are exciting

3. you seem like a genuine person genuinely satisfied with his life

4. you write well

5. you have the ability to write as much (if not more) than I do

6. I like how this is open ended maybe something happens; maybe it's just email; there isn't a specific end goal or timeline.

7. You express interest in more than pics of my tits

8. you not only talk about fucking my ass (and other parts of my body) but you take the time to describe it, bringing me into the picture, letting me feel it as if it were happening

9. you appear to be a grown up (different from adult) and we've been able to communicate through stumbling blocks

10. You haven't tried to provide excuses or reasons behind your behavior -- our writing isn't because you are unhappy -- you are involved because it brings you happiness (It might just be me speculating but I really appreciate how we don't get into conversations about other relationships in your life)

11. these emails are so much fun

12. you are really good at fitting well into what I've been desiring

13. I like your confidence and dominance and your kindness

Thank you for sharing with me and responding to my posting. I do want to continue (you know, in case there were any doubts).

14. That's another thing I like about our interactions, we check in with each other and that feels ok/good.