NOTE: This story covers a lot of ground; I probably could have cut it into 3 parts, but I think it flows better as a continuous narrative. I wouldn't describe it as a 'slow burn,' but it is on the longer end.
Also, as a disclaimer, I have no context for how an actual professional lab works. If you do, you'll have to suspend your disbelief here.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Working Saturdays was the worst.
Lily walked into the lab with a big travel mug of hot black coffee in one hand and her laptop messenger bag in the other. She mumbled a half hearted "good morning" to the far-too-cheery receptionist as she swiped in, and took her time depositing her personal items into her locker and putting on a freshly sanitized lab coat from the rack.
At 22, Lily was a biochem grad student, having finished her undergrad a year early. She was currently working as a research assistant at one of the pharmaceuticals labs on campus. The lab did some drug development work, but mostly a lot of trials, both on animals and people. She generally liked the work, but it could be long hours and lots of last-minute 'we need this tomorrow'-type tasks, depending on who they were contracted to.
By the time she made her way down the hall to one of the lab's meeting rooms, where she and the other employees got together each morning to review the day's tasks, her coffee was half-empty and she was feeling almost half-human. Blessedly, she was the first one to the morning briefing so she had a few extra minutes of solitude. A few binders providing an overview of a new project were already sitting in the center of the conference table; she grabbed one and flipped it open as she polished off her hot, delicious caffeine. She adjusted her glasses and idly flipped through a few pages of technical specs and lab processes. After a scant several minutes, the lab director - Dr. Mary Struss - bounced in.
And 'bounced' really was the right word. Mary did everything in a way that conveyed a youthful exuberance, even though she was a good 20 years older than Lily. Her red hair fell in tight curls that literally bounced as she walked; additionally, she was tall and full-figured, so there were... other parts that jiggled, too, and were hard to ignore.
"Good morning, sunshine!" Mary said as she set down a mountainous stack of file folders at the head of the table. Lily tried to smile back, she really did, but all she could manage was a sort of wry grimace. Saturday mornings simply were NOT meant to be spent doing hard things like working. Or socializing. Or... really most things. "Good morning, Dr. Struss."
"Don't call me that. It sounds pretentious. I'm Mary." Lily shrugges - she liked to push the director's buttons sometimes, and early mornings often made Lily feel a little cantankerous. "Seems like someone isn't enthralled at the prospect of plumbing the depths of experimental pharmaceuticals today, huh?"
"How could I not be excited?" Lily grumbled, "My future depends on Big Pharma, I can't wait to help them make them even more money."
"That's the spirit!" Sunil, a fellow research assistant and graduate student like Lily, walked into the room and sat across the table from her. "You can't cure cancer without creating a massive profit incentive for the elite!"
Lily smiled more genuinely now. She and Sunil had similar pessimistic senses of humor, and they got along well. Occasionally, she lamented the fact that he was gay. Her dating life was frightfully barren, and she couldn't remember the last time she had felt as comfortable with a guy as she was with Sunil. Well, actually she could remember. But he had turned out to be a serial cheater, and lying to her the whole time, and it was more than two years since they had broken up.
"Alright, what dire global health crisis are we solving today?" Sunil asked, running a hand through his bedhead and reaching for a binder of paperwork.
"One of the most dire." Lily said seriously, trying to keep a straight face. Sunil quirked an eyebrow up as Mary snorted. It only took Sunil a few seconds of skimming to laugh as well. "Most dire indeed."
As he said it, Mary's slideshow overview came up on the TV. The cover slide read 'EXR-30301ss Erectile Dysfunction Treatment and Aphrodisiac: Clinical Trials'
"So, as you've seen by now, we're starting a new contract today." Mary began. "This will be quick-moving, they're very impatient in getting it to market as soon as possible. They've already developed a formula that they said showed a lot of promise in lab monkey tests, and they have approval to move on to human clinical trials."
She switched to the next slide, corresponding to the next page in Lily's binder. "The goals here were to develop an ED treatment that was effective and worked quickly, and additionally to include a moderate aphrodisiac. They want this to become the new go-to for the public, a sort of all-around sex enhancer, I guess. In trials, we want to be testing how quickly effects appear, how strong they are, how long they last, and of course any side effects."
"So what." Sunil interrupted. "Typical clinical intake session, give them the pills, tell them how to report results." He sighed. "So fun."
Mary hesitated, "Not... exactly." Lily frowned, flipping to the next page, which she had not read closely before. Her eyes widened as she read. "In-person results reporting by qualified lab personnel? What?"
Sunil leaned back in his chair and raised his eyebrows, reading the same thing. "We're going to have them take it here, watch them get hard, and then sit around staring at them until they're not hard anymore?"
Lily blushed, despite herself. She had seen a few dicks in her time (more than a few if you counted porn), but that sounded pretty damn awkward. How would one make small talk when the dude is erect and under the effects of chemically-induced horniness? Was she going to sit and stare in silence?? She looked up at Mary, hoping they were misunderstanding something.
Mary just put on a pitying expression. "Yeah, it's unusual. They explained why to me, but I can't say I fully understood. Something about results being skewed by home life factors? Ultimately, it doesn't matter. This is what we were contracted for. It might be - will be - awkward, but you'll make it through. And if you need more incentive..."
She switched to the next slide, which had some contract information, including financials. Lily gasped and Sunil let out a slow whistle. Whoever this client was (typically only the lab director knew for confidentiality reasons), they must REALLY want to ensure this was prioritized. The participation payment for trial volunteers was the biggest she had ever seen, but what really caught her eye was that both Lily and Sunil would be getting a bonus upon completion that would more than pay for a full year of her grad school. And Lily was on a full scholarship, so all that money would go straight to her pocket. She suddenly felt lightheaded.
"Ooooooookay then, Big Pharma wins again. When do we start?" Sunil said.
Mary smiled, "Right now."
- - - - -
Turns out, there was still a little administration that had to be done before the trials could actually start. Together, the three researchers put together a complete trial process plan that Lily and Sunil would follow with each volunteer. Then Sunil and Mary went to the lab to unpack and organize the pills from the client while Lily drew up an online form and scheduling calendar for volunteers to sign up.
That also included designing some flyers to spread the word. She tried to be as vague and non-scandalous as she could with the wording, but ultimately there was no way around it: the volunteers would have to be exposed in the lab for the duration of their erection. She doubted anyone would WANT to volunteer for that, so she tried to emphasize the large participation compensation as much as she could, making it the biggest text on the page. Typically, most of their volunteers were undergrads, and undergrads always were looking for a quick way to make some beer money.
She posted it on the university's dedicated page for clinical trial volunteers, and put in an order for print copies that she could hang around campus. She left the lab a little early so she could pick up the prints, and stopped at a few of the busier dining halls, coffee shops, and student union message boards on her walk home to hang them up. She tried to be furtive about it, not wanting to attract any attention to herself or have to answer any questions in person about the trials.
She almost made it, but of course that would have been too easy. She was at the last stop on her little tour, hanging the last of the flyers on the cork board just inside a little coffee shop on the edge of campus, when she heard a bemused "Huh," from close behind her.
Lily jumped and spun around to see a college guy in jeans and a red hoodie with the university logo on it. He was attractive, with a square chin, longer brown hair that made her think of a hockey player, and soft blue eyes. His eyes were skimming the flyer she had just hung, and his eyebrows were raised in surprise and amusement.
"How long does a trial usually last?" He asked, his eyes moving to meet hers.
"Um, all the information is on the website," she replied quickly and tried to move past him, back out the door, but he was right in her way. She couldn't tell if that was intentional or not.
"You work at the lab, though, right?" Lily met his eyes again, then quickly glanced away. "I... yes, I do."
"That's quite a hefty compensation. I've done a few of these trials before, once for acne, once for a hangover 'cure.' Both barely paid out 50 bucks. Why is that?"
Lily didn't say anything. She did not want to explain to a stranger in public that volunteers would have to sit erect and naked in front of her for who knows how long. "Get out of my way, please."
Suddenly the guy looked embarrassed. "Alright, sorry, sorry." He moved, and folded his arms self-consciously. Then he rolled his eyes at himself and chuckled. "Serves me right, I guess. Trying to flirt by asking about an ED drug trial? I mean, come on."
Lily grinned a little despite herself, suddenly not eager to leave. "That was flirting? Dude, your game is worse than mine. And believe me, that's saying something."
