This is a stand-alone story. You do not have to read any of my other 'Cheating Wife' stories to understand this one. However, many of you won't like this posting, and I get that. I wish I could convince you in advance not to read it, but that is a fool's errand. You'll read this, and it'll have impact -- large or small -- and you'll own that. I'm OK with that; I hope you are too.
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My tale begins with acceptance, and the unintended consequences of acceptance.
I married a wonderful man, former military, who desired to provide for his family. My husband married a vivacious woman, an unemployed artist, who longed to bring passion and excitement into the world. There were many overlaps in our dreams, but the overlap was not complete.
Our major conflict arose out of minor events: my husband preferred routine, and I rebelled against it. He preferred meals and events -- including lovemaking -- to occur at a specific, and agreed upon, time. I wanted spontaneity, and variation, in my life. We fought over this frequently, until one day he made a compelling request.
"Sweetheart, I don't care how you do it, but you have to find enjoyment in routine."
"I don't think I can, I find it boring. Seriously -- it's fucking boring!"
"I know you feel that way, but that's only is because you are thinking about it too narrowly! We make love three times a week -- Tues, Thurs, and Sat -- but each time isn't the same. I don't think you can say that our love life is boring, and I doubt your friends are more active!"
He had a point, and a lesson. Firstly, he was right -- our lovemaking was wonderful and interesting -- so routine was not a problem there. Secondly, routine is what you make of it -- I hadn't realized that our love life was so scheduled! β¨β¨I had no choice but to concede.
"You make a great point, really, what can I do?"
"All I want is that you develop your own routine, find joy in it, and let it play out! I think it will be good for you as an individual, and great for us as a couple."
"If that's all you want, I can try it."
"That is definitely what I want."
And with that he gave me a kiss on the forehead, and the discussion was over. Anyway, it was close to bedtime -- 10:30 -- so there wasn't much else to discuss. Frankly, I wish it had been a Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday, because I could have used a good fucking to take my mind off the topic.
But it was Monday, so I went to bed -- not to sleep -- with my husband's perspective on my mind: "develop your own routine, find joy in it, and let it play out!" I tried to imagine what that meant as I fell asleep.
He was correct in that I needed a schedule for creating art, and that the schedule needed to compensate for us -- for meals, for 'connecting', and for love. And in honesty, he wasn't asking much, given what he was offering. He kept us well fed, and our apartment is lovely. He was taking excellent care of me!
If I could contribute -- emotionally or financially -- it would make his life better. I focused on the first, and hoped for the latter. By finding my own routine I could help his.