Broen Seals

Matt didn't know it was my first time, and I didn't tell him until much later. Like so many insecure teens, I pretended what we did was no big deal, even though...I lost IT.

I was so happy! It was shitty sex, to be sure, but it was...approximately what I had expected, and I became RAVENOUS. It was all I could think about doing through the night and the next day; I masturbated like 10 times in the immediate aftermath. I was also riddled with anxiety about how to handle it, didn't if I should take any initiative...

But he texted me first, asking when we could "hang out" again, which made me literally laugh out loud, because we both knew what was up. I was horny as hell and he was my only sex partner, so I saw no reason to be coy and told him Tuesday evening after my last class. When I asked what he wanted to do, he kept it vague, for obvious reasons.

When I showed up to pick him up, I still had no idea what was going to happen, and felt like a cab driver when I asked him, "Where to?"

"How about a movie?"

I agreed but could barely conceal my disappointment, until he pointed out it was a drive-in. I thanked God in my mind. We saw some bland Hollywood piece of shit, so brainless that we knew exactly what was going on even when we took 20-minute periods to bone in between.

As soon as everything was set up and people around us got in their cars to watch, we got to work and hopped in my backseat. Stupidly, I'd worn a button-down which was hell to try and get off in a frenzy, but Matt grabbed my hand and told me to "just leave it." I realized he was kind of right; there was no point in getting naked; we might need to get dressed again quickly, so it was probably better for everyone involved if we just kept our tops on. He kept his t-shirt on.

A mild struggle ensued to get my pants off (again; why?! Now I know: if you wanna get fucked, wear a DRESS), but once he did, he got between my legs and on top of me. His hands played with my pussy over the panties, feeling the obvious wetness. I made sure to wear cute ones this time, but they went mostly unappreciated. He kissed me while he strummed me, and it was quite nice. I was unconsciously grinding on his hand and let my own hands reach under his shirt and explore his back and chest. After only a minute or two of that I felt him move my panties aside and start feeling around for the hole with his index finger. He found it easily, as I'd been wet since the moment he got in the car, and with this tiny bit of foreplay, was soaking through the lacy fabric.

He penetrated me with his finger and moved it gently in and out; I was so creamy that when there was any quiet moment in the movie, I could hear the rhythmic squish, squish, squish and I giggled a little. Matt seemed like he couldn't get enough of me. The car was warming up fast with our shallow breathing, and my lady's scent was definitely noticeable. Matt wasn't at it for more than a couple of minutes before he sat up and started fumbling in his pocket for a condom. I hadn't even seen him unzip his pants, but his hard dick was already out, standing fully erect. He hurried putting on the condom and then took a last look around to see if anyone had noticed anything; I suppose the coast was clear, because he sank back down onto me. I felt one of his hands pushing my panties aside while his thing poked at my pussy. The whole area was so creamy he found it easily, and pushed in.

It hurt a lot less this time, but I was still feeling stretched. I made a mental note in that moment that I should "practice" opening up more for him with some objects I could find around my parent's house and discreetly clean and put back: the pasta fork handle, the electric toothbrush...I should get a hair brush with a "better" handle...

I think Matt was conscious of possibly attracting attention, because he didn't pump very much. Once his erect cock was fully inside me, he just kissed me, felt me up, especially my tits over my shirt. It was turning me on and everything felt really good, but it wasn't pushing me toward an orgasm. I think it's something that a lot of men don't understand about women who want and like sex, even though they rarely or never orgasm from it; there's so much else going on with your senses, it's just a fun thing to do and sure way to bond with someone. Even though I was being fucked in the backseat of my car, shirt and panties still on, while a superhero movie blared in the background, I was feeling much better this time around with Matt.

When my nipples hardened he started really pinching and holding onto them and it kept me really wet. I think he started to lose some of his caution (or control) and started rhythmically thrusting. I couldn't have given less of a fuck if anyone was watching at that point, and used my left leg to pull him in and encourage the thrusting; it sucked just feeling that coarse denim instead of his firm backside. I'd only just found a comfortable position for all my limbs and was really getting into the fucking when he started moaning. He picked up speed for another five thrusts and then a really big moan, and finally I felt the spasming inside my pussy.

Unlike last time, he lingered a bit, as if to just hold me in that position, hold himself inside of me just a bit longer before separating. It was kind of nice being so thoroughly wrapped up, and I savored that feeling for a long time. I think I tried flexing my kegels for the first time, just wanting to feel up his penis inside me more, but being so untrained, it wasn't much of a squeeze. I did, however, feel him get a lot softer; I think there was some squishiness because of the semen in the condom too. Looking back, I'm amazed at how little seduction it took for me to get so wet, but I think it was because of the newness of the sensations; it made for an erotic feedback loop in my brain that I'd always be trying to catch over and over again.

Matt pulled off of me and turned away as he removed the condom, and I guess tried to clean himself up a little. I became really embarrassed as I sat up too and noticed the awkward messiness of the situation. My windows were completely fogged up, and the whole car reeked of cooch. It wasn't totally new to me; I'd dipped fingers in and even tasted it before, but this was much, MUCH more pungent than what my under-the-blanket diddlings made. It was also combined with latex (so gross) and Matt's sweat (gross too, but in a way I didn't mind).

We were both still panting a little. I sat up and adjusted my panties back, but they were saturated and long past any point of protecting my pants. "Hey, can you reach over to the glove box, there are some tissues in there."

"Oh sure, yeah. Here you go. Um...can I have one?"

"Of course."

We wiped ourselves in an awkward silence until we balled up the tissues and put them in my door pocket.

"You're a lot of fun," he said.

"Um...thanks, you are too."

"Did you, uh...finish?" In a second, a lot of thoughts raced through my head as I weighed a response. The total truth was not an option: Of course I didn't finish, are you fucking kidding me? That was only slightly less absurd than last time, which sucked pretty bad. But I also didn't want to scare this guy off, and I'm not mean by nature. Then again, we were adults (however young) and this (sex) was important to me, and furthermore, I did barely know this guy, so the stakes were pretty low even if he reacted badly. So I gave him a softened version of the truth.

"Um...I didn't, but it still felt really nice."

"Oh, well, um, do you want to? I mean, I can use my hands."

Now there's an idea. "Yeah, erm...sure, you want to?"

"Of course."

"Oh...yeah just like, the smell?"

"Oh I love it. I mean, not the condom; that reeks. But you smell great." GREAT?! It was a realization so intense that I felt like it gave me a superpower. Until that point, I'd thought there was no way a guy would like that sweaty, pickly, ham type smell that would come from there in torrents when I was aroused. Later I'd do some reading and understand that there are chemicals and pheromones in that smell that make a (straight) man's dick hard before they even see the woman they want to fuck.

That new confidence, along with Matt generally being such a sweet and gentle guy, made me game to try his hand. I lifted my butt up and whisked my panties off, putting them on the front seat on top of my pants, leaned back, and opened my legs. "Okay," I said, "try it."

He leaned in and started to make out with me, lots of kissing and boob touching, and then his right hand snaked down and got between my thighs. His index and middle finger rubbed gently on the outside of my pussy, but when they landed there, indirectly getting at my clit, it was electric. A moan rushed out of my mouth, and Matt took the direction well to basically just keep doing that. Though it felt good, after about a minute of that rubbing at that rhythm, I knew nothing was going to happen, and struggled in my head about what to do next, how to ask for something without sounding pushy. Was it pushy? I mean, he had already nutted; why shouldn't I? Fuck it.

"Faster...please." Good man did as he was told, and it was *almost* right. "Harder, just...yes..." There it was, I could feel it coming. But unlike the thousands of times I did it myself, because it was another person doing it, it wasn't *quite* right. But I knew I could get there. "Keep going," I encouraged as I closed my eyes. Unconsciously, I gripped his arm, perhaps wanting to control the pace a little bit as I got over the hump. In a few minutes, I was finally there, the familiar quaking shocks jolting through my body, but it was so much more intense than when I was alone; I knew how orgasm quietly—I could even do it without much leg movement—but this time, I truly lost control of myself and moaned LOUDLY while my legs spasmed and my nails dug into his arm. I held his arm perfectly still—luckily he kept his hands and fingers rigid—and then I ground like three hard grinds over my clit and simply popped.

I was breathing hard, heart pounding. The moans stopped at least, but my head was back and I was seeing stars. Matt giggled; he looked pleased with himself, as he should have been. He was a quick study. After a little more basking, it looked like he was paying attention to the movie again. I put my panties back on but when I reached to get my pants, Matt caught my hand. "Are you cold?"

"Not really, but..."

"I'd like to go again soon, actually."

He fucked me two more times before the movie finished, then I dropped him back off at his.

My relationship with Matt got pretty conventional after that. We started to get to know each other, spending a smaller proportion of time boning. For all intents and purposes we were "dating" but casually, and stayed away from certain relationship milestones. He was a good guy, but I knew from our first time that I didn't want him to be my "forever guy."

When I say we spent a smaller proportion of time boning, I don't mean that we let up. On the contrary, we fucked like dogs, literally and figuratively, but I mean we also tried to get to know each other as people. At every inflection point though, like if an opportunity came to spend time with our closer friends, or our family, we'd shy away from letting each other into that inner circle. And there were plenty of reasons to hold off on that anyway; school kept us busy, and we were young enough not to care about such things. Still, I was spending nights with him and my parents knew of him, but didn't pressure me to meet him.

I think it was maybe our fourth time together that I finally told Matt that he was my first. He was really excited about that. He claimed if he had known, he would've tried to make it a lot more special, as it was in retrospect, a pretty basic first time. I told him that he more than made up for it, as he not only learned to play me better than his guitar, but also learned to eat me out really well. Also, we seemed to have matching levels of sex drive; he did turn me down sometimes, but in general, I could count on a good time with him when I offered to come over to his place.

We had been seeing each other for about a month; it was Thursday, and we were both done with classes for the week, so I went over to hang out and spend the night. There was nothing unusual; we popped a movie in with one of his housemates, smoked a joint, drank some beer, and then Matt and I retired to his room. We were warming up, naked, him on top of me, my legs open. I was wet and ready, and felt his naked penis poking at my vulva.

"Get a condom," I whispered between kisses.

Matt sighed and rolled off me. "Fuck...I forgot to get more."

"We're out already?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, shit...ask your roommates?"

"They don't have any, for sure. None of them have girlfriends." I didn't quite know what to do, but I was in a mood, and Matt's body looked delicious. I got on top of him and started kissing his chest. In one of my hands I grabbed his penis and kept stroking it, wanting to maintain his erection. He moaned in response, and tilted his head so he could suckle on one of my nipples.

"You're such a bad boy," I said, stroking the back of his head. "Can't believe you aren't prepared to fuck this pussy...I've been waiting all week." He responded by lightly biting my nipple and giving it a little tug; I didn't realize it then but he had a real talent for playing with my tits: every guy after that would be a little harder or softer, but the way Matt handled them with his hands and mouth was always just right. It always sent shivers down my whole body, and especially got my lady's attention.

I put a leg on either side of him and then moved down, and started running my slit along his cock. "See how wet she is?" I was soaked, and with only a couple of strokes the bottom of his dick was slick. "Bad boy." Whether it was revenge for all the teasing or if he just got careless in the moment, he flexed his hips up just as I made my downstroke, and just like that, his full, raw cock was inside my pussy.

I gasped: "BAD!" And both of us were still for a second. He started to move. "No," I said.

"Please!"

"We can't."

"Just for a minute." He started to undulate a small bit, and the fucker literally seduced me right there. It felt incredible. I was already into sex, I was doing all kinds of things with him, and while everything was fun, it was fun like a new video game. This felt different; this felt like flesh connecting, the course of the world felt revealed: This is how and why we're all here.

"Okay."

He moved his hips and I started bouncing back on him. I swear it felt like I was fucking someone else; it was THAT much better. To my surprise, he grabbed my wrists and then we rolled over; his cock staying in me. He started to fuck me in earnest. He was still holding onto my wrists and it was...perfection. I felt like I had to let go, like I was being "forced" to let go, and this man, this tall, gorgeous man was using me as his slut, possibly getting me pregnant with his child. I had a few seconds of dread, realizing I couldn't shake him off even if I wanted to, and if he didn't do the right thing, he'd fill me up with his semen and there wasn't anything I could do about it once it was there.

He went faster and faster, until he was scream-moaning almost into my ear. At the point of maximum dread, fearing that he was going to do it, his body shot up and I felt his cock rush out of my pussy. I looked down, more out of curiosity than anything, and watched it...

He did it just in time, pumped his right hand twice, and then it started shooting out like a fucking firehose. It was kinda cute; the first one came out as a blip, just barely going over my navel, but then the next several spurts... The second one shot with such force that a big dollop got in my mouth, which made me put my head back and start coughing, and then the next several went past my head but left trails on my face, throat, and chest.

I was too distracted by the salty sliminess of the bit that went in my mouth to notice much of the rest, but I felt it on my face and tried to keep my eyes closed. I didn't say anything, or even breathed, but I heard Matt panting as the waves of his orgasm finished spasming his body. In a few seconds he seemed to regain his senses, and he started laughing, "Oh shit!"

I started laughing too, my eyes closed, but starting to be aware of how disgustingly drenched in semen I was. "Get me a towel!" I blindly sent an open hand smack to where I thought his body was and it landed hard because his body was wet from a sheen of sweat. He took it good-naturedly and dismounted from me and the bed to run to his bathroom.

**************

A couple of things worth mentioning about that night: Not only was it the first time I had sex without a condom, but it was also the first time I tasted semen. I had tasted Matt's precum, and the precum of the first guy I tried to blow, but I'd never finished the job, and Matt had only ever cum in condoms after intercourse with me.

I'm a little embarrassed to say, but this shouldn't come as any surprise...I became addicted.

Not only did Matt and I give up condoms forever, but I became obsessed with letting (making?) him finish on my body and in my mouth. My porn tastes shifted from context-heavy "scenes" to cuts of random pop-shots on hot girls' faces; I was a little disgusted with myself for now acquiring the porn taste of a thirteen-year-old straight boy.

But I loved it. To this day, I love it. I love watching a penis spurt white, hot, semen on a gorgeous body or face. There's so much there: submission, destruction, passion, territorialization, the irrefutable knowledge that this man loves* you on some deep level.

*Obviously I couldn't possibly mean the love that makes relationships last, or the love that gets a couple through tough times. I mean the deep love that's more primal, that skips the front part of your brain and reaches the primal symbols that shape everything a person is, including their values. It isn't the love that makes the world go round; it's the love, very simple love, inconsiderate of circumstances, that makes the heart race. That burst of semen is a receipt of eros and it's glorious.

Skipping the condoms was also really liberating for another reason, which was that we then started to fuck EVERYWHERE. We went to parks, movie theaters, retail dressing rooms, deserted alleys, and one time, literally in the conference room of a hotel in broad daylight because I needed to use the bathroom there, and in passing through the doors, noticed the empty rooms, and just yanked Matt into one of them. He was always ready to go, or at the most needed about twelve seconds in my mouth to get fully erect.

Those first few times, I just made sure he never came in me. I started researching birth control methods right away, but found so many of the options with so much downside that I was led into a bit of a rabbit hole called "fertility awareness." This is the rather inexact science of timing vaginal sex to completion around your menstrual cycle. This is probably hypocritical, but it's a really shitty method that's most easily prone to failure at the personal and biological levels; I'd never recommend anyone use this if they're having a lot of sex.

That said, that's what I started doing, and after two cycles of even letting Matt cum inside me on my least fertile days, I remained un-pregnant and with regular periods, so I thought I'd outsmarted modern medicine.

Anyway, all good things must come to an end, and while I regret my part in what caused my split with Matt, I knew from our first time that it couldn't last.