I sat and waited for you today, my cup of coffee going cold and I read the same paragraph in my book about five times before I really saw the words. The hands of the clock seemed to have stopped and I checked my watch, oh so often. The minutes inched past as I gave up trying to read and watched the crowds instead, waiting to catch a glimpse of you, wondering if you would be early too, every face in the crowd scanned for yours. I thought I saw you at least five times, my heart beating faster, my stomach fluttering like it held a million butterflies, my chest tightening, only for it not to be you and the disappointment was agony.
The time crept towards the appointed hour, the hour we had arranged for our meeting, the clandestine messages containing hints and innocuous words that had a deeper, private meaning to us both. The messages had been enough to get my blood pounding in my veins, knowing that it was a secret that only we shared, my imagination running riot over what might happen when we met. I visualised the scene a thousand times as the minutes passed like ice-ages and seconds seemed to last forever.
I looked at the clock again, over the heads of the people passing by, busy in their own worlds, wondering if any could see the nervous anticipation in my face, reading my secret, but they walked past, ignoring me, busy with their own lives and talking into mobile phones, urgent voices hurling snatches of conversation my way. The hands of the clock read the appointed hour, the time arranged in those secret messages, when you said you would come to me.
My chest tightened as I thought I saw you in the throng, my breath catching in my throat as my heart felt like it stopped. My heart beat again, and my breath escaped in a near sob as I realised the figure wasn't you. I looked at my watch again, wondering if the clock was wrong. No, it was right, and you weren't here. The disappointment was enough to make my eyes misty as time speeded up again, minutes passing, tears forming, as it started to crush me. I caught myself before I could dissolve, wiping away the moistness in my eyes with a tissue as I made excuses for you. You were caught in traffic; you hadn't been able to leave on time, your boss calling you back as you were about to leave; anything other than you not wanting to be right here, right now, as you had promised me.
I tucked the tissue into my bag at my feet, and as I straightened, I saw a pair of feet standing next to me. My breath quickened again, and I straightened, my gaze sliding up from the feet to the face, your face. My heart beat faster, the noise and bustle around us seeming to disappear as you smiled at me. I smiled back at you, and in that instant everything was wonderful. We didn't speak, for the forbidden nature of our tryst was understood by us both and words would have broken the spell, brought reality crashing back in and forced us to deny ourselves what we so desired.
The fluttering butterflies in my stomach stirred once more, the excitement of being near you, the illicitness of this meeting making my head swim. You reached out your hand, and I took it, the feel of your skin on mine like an electric jolt up my arm, your warm fingers curling round to twine in mine as you gently pulled me up out of my seat towards you. I didn't resist, my eyes locked with yours as I rose, feeling hypnotised by your gaze, knowing I would do anything you asked of me. I wanted to kiss you, but I didn't dare in case you weren't real, that this was just another dream, as I had dreamed so often of this moment. You reached for my other hand and took it in yours as we stood facing each other. Your eyes were expressive enough for me to know what you were thinking, and mutely, you pulled me towards you.
Your lips met mine with the softest of touches, barely brushing over the skin and sending a delicious shiver down my spine, one of your hands releasing mine and moving to softly caress the back of my neck as your lips met mine again. I put my hand on your waist, feeling the heat of you through your clothes, my fingertips brushing over the material, caressing you through it. Your kiss became firmer then, pressing on my lips more, then breaking as you pulled away from me. I wondered what I had done wrong, till I realised that you were bending to pick up my bag from the floor, leading me away from the bustle of where we had met, the noise breaking through once more to assail our senses.
We walked hand in hand through the crowds who didn't see, didn't notice, didn't care that we were there, together, where we shouldn't be, out into the sunshine that had broken through the clouds, seemingly for us. It had rained hard earlier, and the rain had slicked everything so that it shone in the sunlight as we walked hand in hand. I neither knew nor cared where we were going, it only mattered that I was with you.
The city seemed beautiful to me now, Before you came it was a drab, depressing place where everything was grey and dull, but your touch, your kiss, your eyes looking deep into mine had changed all of that. Cars and busses passed us as we walked, splashing noisily through the puddles and forming a myriad of tiny rainbows in the sunlight, jewelled droplets falling back to the ground to be hurled again into colour by another passing vehicle. My excitement rose, the anticipation for what was to come making me feel like I was walking on air, as light as the breeze that played on our joined hands, the slight chill contrasting with the warmth of your skin on mine.
How I ached for you in those moments, my whole body wanted to press against you right there, right then, but I followed where you led, your steps and mine hurried by long-since promised forbidden things. It seemed like miles to my beating heart, my fluttering butterflies, but the journey was short, just a few hundred yards you led me, to the steps of a hotel. My heart quickened and my excitement rose to new heights as you led me up the steps and into the plush foyer. You had already booked us in and you led me past the receptionist who glanced up at us and smiled. I wondered if she could see the mixture of excitement and guilt that I felt was written all over my face, but she went back to what she was doing without glancing up at us again as you led me trembling towards the lift.
I stood close to you as we waited for the lift to come and looked up into your eyes as you smiled down on me. My legs nearly gave way then and I felt dizzy, only your hand keeping me steady as the lift doors opened. We stepped into it and you pressed for the floor we were headed to, and as the doors closed, you turned to me, took me in your arms and kissed me, a hot passionate kiss, your tongue searching for a way into my mouth and my lips parted.
The doors opened all too soon and we broke apart. You took my hand again and led me out along the hall, opening a room door and allowing me to enter first, followed me in, closed the door and leant on it, looking at me. You stood there for what seemed like an eternity, your hands behind you on the doorknob as I looked at you. My excitement had got to a point where I couldn't speak, couldn't move, and you moved to me, wrapping me in your arms, crushing your lips and your body against mine. Your lips felt like fire and I wanted to melt into them, your kiss driving me wild, becoming more and more urgent and I responded with my own pent-up desire.
Your hands, which had been pressing me to you started moving then, stroking up and down my back, raising another shiver as I felt them pressing on me through my clothes. I dragged my nails accross your back then, gently but firmly, feeling the material of your jacket bunching under them as they dragged downwards. I moved my hands so they were under your jacket, running them up to your shoulder blades and curling my fingers over your shoulders. I slid them back down again, feeling the slight perspiration already on your back as it dampened your shirt down your spine and the feel of it made my kisses more urgent.
I helped you as you shrugged out of your jacket and let it fall to the floor, mine swiftly joining it and kicking our shoes off as we continued to kiss. I undid your shirt buttons one by one, slowly, until there were none left and I had to pull your shirt from your waistband for the last couple, but soon your chest was bared to me and I pressed myself to it. I broke the kiss and bent my head to your chest, inhaling the scent of you as I kissed your skin lightly. Some of the urgency had gone from us as we knew we were alone and had the rest of the day to explore each other, the first thrill of our forbidden love sated with that kiss. We had waited for so long for that moment, and I wanted it to last forever, while still wanting more.