"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it"
-Oscar Wilde
I arrived a few minutes early and took my seat to the far right in the row of chairs curved around the mini stage set up in the middle. I had that usual apprehension in the pit of my stomach meeting an entirely new group of classmates. Just as I started to drift into thought of the scene I had practiced I was disturbed by the clunk of the heavy wooden door at the back of the darkened room as the others started filtering in. Everyone slowly floated to the empty chairs as the small talk faded in what seemed to be vague familiarity between the others. I often find myself fairly shy on new encounters so I tried not to stare as everyone sat down. As I watched our teacher move to the center of the room something caught my attention on the far side of the room. It was a tattoo around the arm of a girl sat on the opposite end of the row of chairs. I couldn't quite discern as to what it was but my curiosity piqued as my eyes slowly rose up. Her long brown hair encased a face of simply natural beauty. No caked on make-up like the loud stereo-typical blonde who was now annoyingly blabbering on about something with the teacher. I just realized that I had completely missed everything that had been said in my few moments day dreaming and that I was actually supposed to be introducing myself to everyone. In my confusion I try and stand up while almost knocking my chair over and stumbling over my own feet looking like a blabbering fool trying to spurt out some words.
"Hello everyone, my name is Matt and I'm from England and I just graduated from..."
She just looked at me straight in the eyes. Those eyes. I can't explain but I feel like everything just became completely insignificant compared to the look those eyes gave me. I just saw a million things flash through my mind as those eyes looked deeper into mine than anything else ever has. Honesty, beauty, happiness, lust, want, intelligence, and raw and unadulterated desire. It was if there was an electricity between us that had short circuited me. I stood there dumbfounded. Everyone was giving me these quizzical looks wondering what a fool I was doing in this professional class.
"...and...and...."
Where the fuck did I graduate again?! She's still looking and I know it's what she did to me. I've got the butterflies in my stomach like I've never felt before. It finally comes to me after 10 seconds of the most awkward silence of my life.
"...and I graduated from Chelsea Arts College."
I sit down. She's stopped looking at me and I can breathe again. I have no idea what the hell is going on anymore. Class is going by and people are acting out their scenes. It's all a side show for me because the main show is me trying to steal glances at this mysterious girl. I watch her as she switches her crossed legs. They're long, tanned, beautiful and completely hypnotic. I feel the urges building up in me as I watch in lustful admiration. I can't help it. She's trapped me already and I'm oblivious to everything around me.
"Matt...Matt?"
Fuck. It's my turn to perform my monologue. I wanted to keep it simple for my first class but every word has escaped me. I semi-shuffle to the center of the room. The lights are glaring at me as well as every other pair in the room. I try to look into the darkness behind but there's only one thing I'm thinking. Her. I dare a gaze in her direction and I'm inspired instantly. She's looking at me with those eyes that know so much. One arm across her stomach as the other gently rests under her chin. She has a half smile on her face that pierces my armour, my self control.
"The thing is... when I look in your eyes and you look back in mine... everything... feels... not quite normal. Because I feel stronger and weaker at the same time. I feel excited and at the same time, terrified. The truth is... I don't know what I feel except I know what kind of man I want to be. It's as if I've reached the unreachable and you weren't ready for it."
Did I just say that? I just quoted Spiderman and got away with it?! It's a silence... I sit down. I peek up. She's still smiling. Smiling right at me. She's rising up. Takes the stage. It's silence again.
I'm in a trance. She's moving her lips. Her name is Natalie. I pick up nothing else and I watch as she unravels a dramatic break up scene before my eyes. What's wrong with me. I know what I see in front of me is pure talent but all I want is her. I want to have her. I need to have her. I need to get her out of here. The trance that Natalie placed on me is broken as all the lighting is switched on and briefly blinds me. It's been 2 hours and hers was the last scene? The rush she gave me made time just disappear and I didn't even notice.
Everyone is packing up their things and everyone is chatting as they leave the room about how well they did and how they all should improve. But I don't care. My goal is set. Natalie. I hang back as everyone leaves and notice she is walking out at the back of the group. I follow downstairs and out the building and everyone spreads out to go to their individual cars. I don't want to be a creeper but I need to speak to her. I see her approach her silver sedan, not quite sure what it is in the dark. As she turns to the driver's door I approach. What am I thinking? I don't know how to chat up girls. As I get close to her, she looks up. Straight into my eyes. I am disarmed again. I stammer.
"Excuse me, but... I don't really know what to say apart from you are beautiful and..."
She puts her finger to my lips and I'm silenced.
"It's Natalie"
"Matt"
Nothing else needed to be said. The hand on my lips snakes around and takes me by the scruff of my neck as she pulls me in. My hands instantly know what needs to be done as they slide around her waist and up her back drawing us together. Our lips touch and the energy and passion explodes out of us. We kiss with increasing vigour. Insatiable and undenying, our kisses get deeper and we fall into her car. I'm on top of her and her legs wrap around me as both her arms are around my neck pulling me so tight into the embrace. As we writhe and grind against each other, her leg bumps into the horn on the steering wheel momentarily distracting us from this lustful insanity. I look down at her in the light of the door open light and realize that I've already ripped off half the buttons on her shirt. She tells me we can't do it here. I pay no mind and continue to tear away at the shirt until no buttons are left and the kiss continues.
She pushes away again. Car sex is overrated anyways. Another idea pops into my head. I glance at my watch. It's already midnight and the building we just left only has a few lights on. I pull away.
"I've got a better idea then."