A Girl Named Hope Ch 03

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I awoke from my sleep gradually, and in a state of confusion. Early morning light seeped in through the bedroom blinds. I knew from the position of the window that I wasn't in my house because my windows are westward facing. I became aware of the scent of sex that permeated the still air, and I felt the tiny form that was molded against my body. I was at Hope's apartment, and I had spent the night.

I felt a twinge of guilt. It made me feel like an unfaithful douche bag now that my hormones had calmed down a bit, and I realized that the woman/girl that I was spooning with wasn't my wife. She was a nineteen year old college sophomore, and I was a thirty two year old married man. I started to remember the sex from last night, and my cock started to swell, making a sizable bulge in the light blanket that I was covered with. The sex had probably been the best that I ever had. It was hot, spontaneous, and totally out of control. Sex with Sarah had never been like that. Sure, our sex life was good at the start of our marriage; but comparing the intensity of sex with Sarah to sex with Hope was like comparing a bottle rocket to a full on Fourth of July fireworks display.

I heard her let out a small little moan as she woke up. It was very cute. Fuck. Everything about this girl was sexy. I was lying on my back, and she slid her upper body across my chest. I felt her blonde hair tickle my neck, and I saw the sleepy blinking of her icy blue eyes. She smiled, and my heart seemed to melt in my chest.

"Good morning, Rob." The smile never left her lips as she said this, but changed a little. It became enigmatic, kind of like the smile on the Mona Lisa.

"Good morning, beautiful." I couldn't help smiling myself. "How are you feeling?" Her smile bent into a mischievous grin.

"I feel really fucking great," she turned up the wattage on her smile, "but I am sore as hell. That was quite a workout that you gave me last night. I have aches in places that I didn't even know that I had places."

"You know what they say; no pain, no gain." She giggled out loud. It seemed like the sound of innocent youth. This young woman was definitely not a child. I guess she saw the look on my face when my thoughts became serious.

"What's wrong, handsome?" Her tiny hand traced patterns on my chest. Her blue eyes looked haunted for a second, and then the look was hidden with the swiftness of someone who has had a lot of practice hiding their emotions.

"Do you really want to talk about the elephant in the room this soon?" She sighed almost imperceptibly, and nodded her head. "I guess that I am just wondering where this is going. You are beautiful, and talented, and young; whereas I am older, and married. I must confess that you drive me crazy. All that I've been able to think about since I met you was just that... you." She curled her body into mine, so that her mouth was an inch away from my ear.

"I guess that a lot of where this is going to go depends on you, Rob. Since you are going to just put this out there, I will do the same; this can be as much, or as little as you want it to be. I have no boyfriend, or even a fuck buddy. I mostly concentrate on school work, or I am wrapped up in doing my art. Yes, what you said before is true; I do have guys hitting on me every five minutes when I'm on campus. I don't want a boy, or a boyfriend. I want a man. I want someone who will be there for me, and not play stupid games, or sleep with a different girl every night. I want someone like you. I know that you are married. I am not delusional on the subject, but you can't deny that we have some really strong chemistry between us. So the ball is in your court. I am busy enough with life; but I like you enough that I will do whatever. If you want to be fuck buddies, and that's it, that is fine. If you want something more solid between us, I would be fine with that too."

My mind raced a million miles a second. It seemed to try to branch down a dozen paths at once, trying to figure out the outcomes of every decision. This, of course, is an impossible task under any circumstances. I turned my head and looked into her blue eyes. They showed none of the haunted look that they displayed earlier. If anything; they looked hopeful, which made my heart soar and sink at the same time. She was painfully beautiful at that moment. Her blonde hair looked tousled from sex last night, and a stray strand of it hung down in her face. It didn't take away at all from her perfection, but complimented her self-confidence, and her level of comfort with me. She was clearly waiting for me to speak. I had remained silent while considering options now for probably the better part of three minutes.

"I really like you Hope. I do. I am not a guy who sleeps around, or who plays games, or treats women like trash. I am a grown man, and I am incredibly attracted to you. That being said; I am married. Are you sure that this is a path that you want to walk down?" She had a sparkle in her eyes, or maybe it was just my imagination.

"How are things between you and your wife? I'm not a prying person, but considering the circumstances, I think that I deserve to know a few things about you and your situation." Her emphasis on the word made me think that she already knew my situation.

"Things are very tepid between us. We occasionally have sex; but it is usually after I badger her into it, and she does it grudgingly and with as little enthusiasm as possible. Our relationship fell into a rut before we were married for six months, and I have never been able to pull us out of it. I've tried. I suggested counseling, but she flatly refuses on the grounds that some stranger will be 'judging' her. I've tried being romantic. I've tried everything that I can think of to get the fire back; but now... I'm just tired." She hugged me. It was a tender, understanding, and comforting hug. I felt her naked chest press up against mine, and couldn't help but notice that her nipples were as hard as small pebbles. She kissed me on my neck gently.

"I can be there for you, Rob. All those things that she is not doing, I can do; all those needs that she isn't fulfilling, I can fulfill them. I'm not asking you to uproot your life. I'm not telling you to pack your stuff and leave her. I would just like you to let me in here..." She placed her tiny hand over my heart. "Even if it is just a little." My hand slid up the perfect curve of her back to her neck, and I guided her into a kiss. It wasn't a kiss of overwhelming lust and desire; it was a gentle kiss that let her know that I was considering what she was offering. The kiss finally broke, and she sighed gently. A tear overflowed from her eye and splashed on my cheek.

"What's wrong, baby?" She buried her face against my chest, and I felt more tears on my skin. I hugged her tight against me, and stroked her back. I was never good with crying women. Her hand rubbed my cheek in a loving gesture. She raised her head, and I saw that her eyes were red, and still tear filled.

"If there is going to be anything between us, there is some stuff that I have to tell you, and it is not going to be pleasant." I smoothed a tear from her cheek with my thumb.

"Take your time, Hope. You only have to tell me what you feel comfortable telling me." She nodded, and slid down my side; pillowing her head on my shoulder.

"It started when I was twelve. My mother was a nurse, and she worked the afternoon shift. My father was a college professor, so his last class would usually wrap up by 6pm, at the latest. He would come home, and fix us dinner, make sure we did our homework, showered, and that we were in bed at a decent time.

One night my father came into my room shortly after I had tucked myself in. He said that he was lonely, and wanted to know if he could cuddle with me. He used to have a nickname for me, 'his cuddle bug.' I said sure, and he climbed under the covers, and spooned his chest up against my back. I felt his arm wrap around me, and he started rubbing circles on my belly. It felt good, but in a weird way. He told me how good that my hair smelled. I used peppermint scented shampoo back then. He told me that I was growing into a beautiful young woman, and I thanked him." She had been telling this story in a hollow sort of monotone, but there was fire in the last sentence.

"I thanked that bastard." She sobbed, and held my hand to her cheek. "I was his perfect, beautiful girl; and I was so proud at that moment. His hand slid farther up my belly, and onto my chest. He was rubbing my breast bone. It started to give me chills. He brushed his hand against one hard nipple, and it was like an electric current surged from my nipple straight down to my clitoris. I must have jumped a little, not just from the sensation, but from the shock of him touching me there. He told me again how beautiful I was, and how grown up that I was. He told me that sometimes grown up people touched each other like that. He asked me if I liked it, and I said yes."

Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. I took her left hand in mine, interlacing our fingers. I was tempted to tell her that she didn't have to tell me this, but I stopped myself because she seemed to need to say it to me. I could tell that it was a poison that was eating away at her soul, and that she needed to tell it in order to extract that poison.

She spoke for fifteen minutes about how her dad had slowly manipulated her, and seduced her bit by bit. It was a long, slow process that made her feel special, and guilty, and horrible all at the same time. This monster took an innocent twelve year old girl and turned her into his own private sex slave. He seduced her with compliments and gifts; and then he insured her silence with threats and guilt.

Over the course of three years he physically, mentally, and emotionally raped and destroyed Hope. By the end of her story she was sobbing uncontrollably, and I wrapped her small form in my arms. Now I understood why this incredibly sexy woman didn't have a boyfriend, and threw herself into her school work and art. I stroked her hair, and kissed her, and rubbed her back. After a long while the sobs stopped, and the tears slowed. Her face rose up and she looked into my eyes. They begged for acceptance, for validation, for someone to look at her as a beautiful woman; and not as the ruined product of years of exposure to a monster's depravity. If her dad would have walked into the room at that moment I would have beaten him to death. I searched my heart for something to say.

"He was a monster, Hope. He was evil, and deserves to die for what he did." Her eyes avoided mine.

"But I let him. I gave myself to him; willingly. I am just as much to blame as he is." I gently put my hands on both of her cheeks. It almost felt like she would pull away, but at the last second she didn't.

"You were twelve. Period. You can't give anyone permission to do what he did when you are twelve years old. He was a manipulator, a molester, and a rapist. You are not responsible at all." She leaned forward and kissed my lips softly.

"I supposed that you are right. My mother on the other hand... Something like that can't go on for that long without a woman getting an inkling of it. I would never tell her, because he threatened to leave and break up our family, or to hurt my sister Brooke, or a dozen other threats. I guess that deep down I enjoyed the attention, and it wasn't worth risking him carrying out his threats; so I just endured it. My mother must have finally got some kind of evidence of it happening. It could have happened in a dozen ways. She put a hidden video camera in my room. It didn't take long for her to gather the evidence that she needed.

"The tape was totally misunderstood by her. You have to figure that I had already been under his control for almost three years. As fucked up as it sounds; I was totally his. She saw him come into my room, and what looked like me seducing and fucking him. She never knew that he had threatened to kick my mother out of the house the night before, and to keep us away from her forever. All she saw was the tape. I was blamed. They separated, and I ended up running away from home. I bounced between friends through high school, and moved here as soon as I was accepted. The really fucked up thing is that they went to marriage counseling, and have reconciled. My sister keeps trying to get me to move back home. She says that all is forgiven, and she is probably right. My mother has been trying to reconnect with me for the past six months. I could never go back there. How could I sit at the table and eat with a man who stole my innocence, and turned my childhood into sexual bondage?"

"So your twin sister is still living at home?" I asked skeptically.

"Yep," Hope said with a little bitterness." She leaned back on one arm to get comfortable as we conversed. "She has mommy and daddy paying for her school and her car. I guess that she knows what side her bread is buttered on; so to speak." That just blew my mind. What the fuck?

"So," I said a bit hesitantly, "What does Brooke believe happened between you and your dad? You two are still friendly, but it doesn't seem like she is exactly at odds with your father, either." I propped myself up with a pillow against the headboard so that we could face each other. Goddamn she was sexy as hell. Her body was straight out of a wet dream.

"Well Brooke seems to be Switzerland on this subject. She commiserates with me; however, she lives with them. I think that she doesn't really know what to believe. Who really wants to hate their father, and believe that he is a monster?" I could see this, but I also saw the other side of this particular coin.

"But she also doesn't want to alienate her twin, and since it didn't actually happen to her, she is confused." Hope nodded at my assessment.

"It is a shitty situation all around, and I am stuck dead in the middle of it." She sighed. "I know that it is only 10 A.M., but would you like a beer?" I nodded, and she slid deftly out of bed. It was a pleasure to watch her ass as she walked. It was perfection. She walked a little bit on her toes so that every step looked a little like she was dancing; which made her ass even more enticing to watch. She came back with two bottles of Guinness Extra Stout. The girl had good taste in beer.

"So you were holding out on me the other day when you gave me a Bud Light?" She giggled, and saluted me with her bottle.

"I only give the good stuff to extremely talented men who can give me so many orgasms that I lose count." I saluted her back with my bottle. The beer went down smoothly. Her tiny feet were cute, with her pale blue toenail polish.

"So you got the entire lowdown on me, so; what is your deal? You are obviously a highly intelligent guy. You have a college degree, yet you work as a sales clerk. I am curious as to why. I don't really want to use the word underachiever..." I had figured that this topic would get brought up sooner or later.

"I do have a college degree. I majored in computer science, and minored in business at the University of California-Santa Cruz. Go Banana Slugs!" She giggled at this.

"Wasn't that the crazy t-shirt from Pulp Fiction?" I laughed and nodded, surprised that she had even seen that movie.

"One and the same. I grew up in the Chicago suburbs, and headed out to sunny California for college. It went well. I graduated with honors, and I thought I had my life all planned out. A few of my buddies and I went out to do a little partying after graduation. I got a little too drunk, but decided that I could drive home anyway. I crossed a yellow line and hit a car head on. The other driver was killed instantly. He was a security guard who was getting home from working overtime." I saw Hope's face darken for a moment. I could tell that this was not the way that she had pictured my story to be told. She leaned in and took my hand in hers.

I was arrested, and I eventually pleaded down to a DUI, and 'reckless vehicular endangerment resulting in a fatality.' It isn't a felony, but it didn't make it any easier to deal with. That man's family will never see him again. I did three years of supervised probation; where I was basically under house arrest wearing a tether, and then two years just seeing a parole officer once a month. I kept my nose clean, and did my community service. I have paid off the $250,000 settlement, but it took me ten years of making next to nothing. I can't get a good job because no good company will hire me. I barely got the job that I have now. I basically sweet talked the personnel manager into giving me a chance. I do computer consulting, and I.T. on the side; and I build custom gaming systems for people who have more money than sense. The computer work keeps me solvent so that I don't have to depend so much on my wife's income. It is also mostly cash money, and I don't have to report it since I no longer use the money to pay off the settlement." I looked into her eyes, but did not see the horror and revulsion that I have sometimes seen in the past when I explain my story. I guess she has had enough demons in her own life to make her a little accepting of other people's situations.

She moved close to me on the bed and hugged me tightly. It felt nice to just hold her, without being in a hurry to tear each other's clothes off. It had been a long time since I had felt this close to anyone. Sarah certainly hasn't held me like this or comforted me in years. That is a really sad fucking thought.

"So," I said tentatively, "No secrets between us anymore."

"Yeah," she said it with a catch in her breath.

"So now we can just be ourselves now that everything is out in the open. All the cards are on the table." I heard her soft breath against my ear.

"I would like that a lot." She kissed my earlobe after saying this, and then she moved to my neck. I slid down in the bed, and pulled her fully on top of me. We kissed, and made love slowly. Holy shit! We made LOVE. I hadn't made LOVE to Sarah in years. I really didn't know what to think of it.

She slid my cock inside her slowly, with an intake of air that stroked my pride. She rode me slow, and we looked into each other's face the entire time. She began to ride me faster, as her orgasm built inside of her. That was fine with me because my orgasm hit just then. I sprayed her insides with a liberal dose of Rob's World Famous Sauce; and her orgasm broke as I came. She howled, and I grabbed her hips and forced my cock deeper inside of her. After a minute, she fell on top of me in a heap, gasping for breath.

After it was over, we lay panting, with her spooned against my chest. My hand trailed over her body, making patterns in the sweat that we had worked up during sex.

I showered, and ate some scrambled eggs and bacon that she made while I was in the shower. It was a hell of a sight to see her cooking in nothing but an apron. I could easily get used to this. Her last kiss lingered on my lips long after I was in my Jeep and headed towards home.

Home was no problem. I actually never saw Sarah the entire day. I had taken another shower, and had washed the clothes that I had been wearing, to make sure that no traces of Hope lingered. It had all been a waste. She called right after she got off work and told me that she was going to the bar with her coworkers. I cooked myself dinner, and went to bed early. I was tired from the night before, and I had a lot on my mind. I guess it really didn't matter how tired I was, because I just lay there in the darkness turning things over and over in my mind. I picked up the cell from the bedside table, and found Hope's number and dialed.

"Hi, Rob." She sounded a bit like a giddy little girl when she answered the phone. Damn she was cute.