Chapter 5: Resolution
WEDNESDAY: JENN RETURNS
As we had previously arranged, I was waiting to pick Jenn up at the airport. Dianne and I hadn't had sex for a couple of days, and our extremely torrid affair was over. Even if Jenn found out about Dianne and me, I decided I wouldn't feel guilty. After all, it was Jenn who had told me to go and have sex while she was gone. In effect it was Jenn who had precipitated my affair with Dianne.
Deciding I wouldn't feel guilty was one thing, but actually feeling guilt-free was another. Jenn had certainly not implied that I should fuck the woman who slept in her room in the bed next to her. She hadn't set any boundaries, but I knew I didn't want to tell Jenn about Dianne and me!
All of this was churning in my mind as I waited for the passengers to deplane. I was apprehensive. I knew I was falling deeply in love with Jenn, in spite of the affection and passion I felt for Dianne. But had Jenn decided that she was also in love with me? Or would she tell me that she loved her old beau? Was I going to be her lover - or just a male friend? I'd slept with Dianne and started to fall in love with her, too, but it hadn't diminished my feelings for Jenn. Had Jenn slept with her old lover? And if so, how had it affected her feelings toward me?
As I waited, I struggled to paste the correct expression on my face. I hadn't really been unfaithful, but it still felt as if I had. Could I keep that guilty feeling from showing? I watched the steady stream of people coming down the hallway.
Finally I saw Jenn coming. As she approached, my penis vainly attempted to wave to her through my pants. God, she turned me on! Jenn kissed me hello, but it was a friendly kiss, not a romantic one. She was stiff, tense, and clearly as nervous as I was. My erection quickly subsided.
I drove her back to campus and carried her bags to her room. During the drive we talked about her flight, her parents, and the weather. Neither of us wanted to bring up what was really on our mind. I said hello to Dianne, whom I'd last seen two days earlier in my bedroom, then I left since it was obvious they had lots of girl-talk to take care of. Jenn agreed to meet me in the dining hall for breakfast the next morning.
Jenn kissed me goodnight at the door, and this kiss was a little better, but not much. She was still tense and tight in my arms. While I hadn't expected sex, I had hoped I would get more than a couple of kisses. I didn't like the message she was sending me, but there was obviously nothing I could do about it. If she was still in love with her old boyfriend, I knew she was much too moral to cheat on him with me.
UNBELIEVABLE THURSDAY WITH JENN
At breakfast we couldn't carry on much of a conversation since several other people joined us, including Dianne. The most important item of information concerned Jenn's moving out of the dorm for the remaining ten weeks of the summer.
One of the professors in our department was taking a sabbatical leave, and she had needed someone to live in her apartment until the end of August. She was concerned that her apartment would be broken into if it were vacant all summer, and Jenn had agreed to move in until the fall semester began. Apparently she had arranged everything by telephone while she was visiting her parents.
So I made several trips in my VW, back and forth from the dorm to the professor's apartment. It took most of the afternoon, but Jenn was finally moved in. It seemed ironic that Jenn now had a private place where the two of us could make love without fear of interruption, but she had obviously decided that we were only going to be platonic friends. I didn't look forward to reversing the move in a couple of months, but as her friend, I would certainly help her to do that. Shit!
With Jenn temporarily moved out, Dianne's room was now an unofficial private room. So it would have been possible to continue to make love to Dianne without anyone finding out. But until Jenn told me that she wanted me out of her romantic - and sexual - life, I wasn't going to risk having sex with Dianne. If I still had a chance to make a life with Jenn, then that's exactly what I would attempt to do. Given the way Jenn was acting toward me, that didn't seem likely. The affection I felt for Dianne was strong enough that I didn't want to have a rebound-affair with her. I simply couldn't treat her that way.
So I found myself sexually cut off from the two women with whom I most wanted to make love. Both of their bedrooms were private, so if I were really just interested in fucking them, I could probably alternate nights without either of them finding out the truth. At least for a while. But my emotional entanglements with both of them meant I probably couldn't fuck either of them. Sometimes life's a bitch!
Jenn's temporary off-campus apartment was reasonably large, with a living/family room, kitchen, two bedrooms, and two baths. Washers and driers were located in the basement. Each apartment in the complex had two assigned parking places. The professor had used one of the bedrooms as an office, and Jenn decided she'd use it for studying. The other bedroom had a king-sized bed. Given the continuing absence of romantic signals from Jenn, I assumed I'd never get to sleep in it.
The apartment complex also had a relatively large swimming pool, although its deck appeared to be more popular. From one of the apartment windows I could see a couple of dozen well-tanned bodies baking in the sun. Most of the women were topless, a state of undress not allowed in public pools but apparently acceptable here. I wasn't going to complain! I'd already learned that nearly all of the renters were upper- level undergraduates, graduate students, and young faculty members. In other words everyone was in the prime of sexual attractiveness, availability, and interest.
Even if we weren't going to be lovers, I hoped that Jenn would invite me over so that I could get a better look as several of the sunbathers. Jenn chided me for staring at a buxom brunette wearing nothing but the bottoms of a skimpy bikini. What had caught and held my eye was the sight of her lying on her back as she rubbed suntan lotion over her bare nipples. Her actions made her breasts jiggle and her nipples point up.
Jenn was pretty much settled in by 5:00, and I asked her if she would like to go to a movie later that evening. She declined. "I'd rather not. We have some things we really need to talk out. How about . . . how about you come back about 8:30? I can catch something quick to eat and sort of settle in. Then we can talk, okay?"
I agreed, and Jenn gave me a quick kiss at the door. Once again I could feel how tense she was, and I began bracing myself for the I-just-want-you-as-a-friend lecture from her. I only picked at my food in the dining hall, and several of my friends thought I was sick. I took the easy way out and lied, telling them that my stomach was upset.