WEDNESDAY'S CHILD IS FULL OF WOE:
I awoke, or maybe I should say came to, with my whole body in pain. My wife of three days had seemingly changed overnight. My first wife after ten good years of marriage had thrown me out of the house after discovering my affair with Irene. Loving Irene, after telling her, she held me close and told me she would take away my pain and that she would be there for me. Irene warned me that my wife would become vindictive and would want to strip me of all my possessions. She hatched an ingenious plan; if I put everything I had into her name, my wife couldn't touch it. The plan worked perfectly, the court could not locate any of my assets, and with the assets my wife possessed I wouldn't even be required to pay alimony.
As soon as my divorce was final, Irene and I married. She told me she only wanted to honeymoon in our bedroom and I couldn't think of a better place to start our marriage. The first two days were the happiest days of my life. My first wife thought sex was a filthy habit and said once a month with the lights off was more than she could stand. Irene thought we should fuck all day and only stop when we were too sore to go on. Then on the third day she informed me, she was already bored with my 'teeny weenie' as she called it and wanted to bring in someone else to share our marriage bed.
"I thought you loved me, how can you say those things about me. There's no way I'll accept another man in our bed."
As I wept in our bed like a little boy Irene stroked my head and told me not to worry everything would be OK.
"I'll go make us some martinis and we can fuck some more."