“Something different?” Buffy said, gaping at the handcuffs at her feet. She nudged with the toe of her shoe and glanced at her Watcher before going back to the cuffs. “Giles, why do you have handcuffs?”
Giles cleared his throat and buttoned the top two buttons of his pajama top. “Well. . .demons. It-it-it’s Sunnydale. One can never be too careful a-a-as you well know. Being the Slayer.”
“Uh, yeah. With you on that point.” Her brows drew together. “But I don’t take cuffs with me on patrol. I kill the demons. I don’t tie them up.”
“They were in his bedroom.” Willow pointed out, she couldn’t keep the flicker of mischief out of her eyes. Buffy’s mouth widened in horror and Willow gave a sigh of relief, she was temporarily off the hotseat. Diversion was a very good tactic.
“Since when do you have demons in your bedroom?” Buffy asked, taking a healthy step away from her Watcher and raising a disbelieving eyebrow.
“Uh. . .they must have been. . .misplaced. That’s it. Misplaced Must have fallen out of my pocket after I came back from patrolling with you one time.” He looked away, tugging at his collar absently.
“They were in his underwear drawer.” Willow said, stifling a grin.
“In your underwear drawer?!” Buffy screeched. “Ewww. ‘Those are for demons.’” She mimicked. “Demons, my ass. Those are for bondage fun.” She made a ‘barfy’ face. “That’s so gross. You are soooo old.”
“I-I-I--“ Giles stammered.
“Come to think of it, I think there was a blindfold in there.” Willow said thoughtfully. She waited for that to sink in. “Under the leopard print briefs.” He turned a deep shade of crimson. It seems Mr. Giles did a lot of things ‘differently!’ She was actually enjoying his discomfort. She must have hung around Angelus too long.
Buffy clutched her stomach. “Didn’t need that visual, Wills.” Then, she glared at her friend. “Hey, what were you two doing up here?! Alone?” She looked green. “Did I interrupt some S and M . . .stuff?”
Giles’ eyes widened in abject horror. “No! Willow merely came her to–“
”No!” Willow shook her head in the negative. “No sex between me and Giles. We’re like this.” She put her two hands far apart.
“It’s always the quiet ones.” Buffy marveled, not believing them.
Willow tried again. “No, Buffy. Nothing happened. That’s. . .yuck. Ptooey!”
Giles had enough, he took off his glasses. “Here now! I am not THAT old, alright? And many women find me attractive. ” He pointed to the bed. “On that very bed, I’ve–“
“STOP!” Buffy and Willow said in unison, wide-eyed.
“Don’t finish that story. Ever.” Buffy ordered. “I don’t wanna know about your sexcapades.”
“Me either.” Willow agreed.
“No, you just want to be a part of them.” Buffy wiped her hands on her jeans. “I need, like, a shower, and some handy wipes because I touched the door to your bedroom.”
Giles crossed his arms over his chest and said thoughtfully. “Come to think of it, I’ve never done anything on the doo-“
”No more!” Buffy said, gawking at him and then at Willow. “What is WRONG with you people? You are both SO creepy right now.”
“I don’t know about me, but I agree that Giles is pretty creepy.” She giggled and then stifled it with her hand. “Makes you wonder what exactly he writes in his Watcher’s Diary.”
“I don’t detail my, uh, personal. . .affairs in there. It’s about my work.” They both rolled their eyes.”Well, at least I’ve never had sex with the undead which is more than I can say for the both of you.”
“Hey!” Buffy cried, glaring at Giles. He shrugged.“At least I’ve never slept with the soulless undead.” She pointed to Willow. “Which is more than I can say for you.”
“Guilty as charged.” Willow’s lips twitched. Somehow, she couldn’t seem to regret it. She felt better now that it was all out. She gave them a suggestive smile, the one that made Angelus’ eyes turn to smoke. “And a good time was had by all. A very good time.” Their mouths fell open, both of their feet were rooted to their prospective spots. “What? I was trying something ‘different.’” She gave them both a jaunty wave before she exited the room in search of Angelus. She was suddenly very anxious to see him. ********
Willow shut Giles’ door behind her and walked into the night with a self- satisfied smirk on her face. “Bout time you put in an appearance, pet. I’ve gone through a half a pack of smokes.” Willow squinted into the darkness and saw the vampire sitting in the middle of the courtyard on a bench.
“Spike? What are you doing here?”
“Following you.”
“I gathered that. But why?” She gave him an engaging grin. “Unless you’re here for a rematch?” She waved her thumbs at him in the style of Fonzie from Happy Days.
“Uh, no. I don’t think my ego could stand anymore of that.” He bowed low, making sure the back of his hand touched the grass. “You are the Thumb Wrestling Queen.”
“Then, what brings you by?” She gave him a hesitant glance. “You aren’t here to, um, have dinner are you?”
She could almost feel Spike’s gaze travel her body. It was a mixture of sexual interest and blood lust. “How kind of you to offer, pet.”
“That wasn’t an offer! It was a polite question!” She grasped the stake that was tucked in her back pocket.
“Relax, Red. And put that big toothpick away, you won’t need it. Angelus would rip me a new one if I so much as mussed your hair.” He blew a smoke ring. “Let’s just have a chat while I walk you home.” He held out his arm in the style of a courtier. “My lady?” She laughed and put hers through it, unable to resist the blue-eyed demon’s charm.
“You’re walking me home?” Her forehead wrinkled. “How undemonish of you.”
“Yes, well, I’ve never been one to follow the bloody rules.”
“Why are you here?”
“Not going to let that go, are you?”
“Nope.”
“Well, pet, its like this. Angelus wants you. Hell, wanker probably loves you.” Willow nodded, agreeing with his assessment. “And that kind of takes the heat off of me.”
Willow snickered. “The heat off? He was interested in you?” She patted his forearm. “Never would of guessed it. You’re so manly.” She couldn’t help but succumb to her good mood. Things were looking up.
“Interested in Drusilla.” Spike said, his lips twitching. She was quite an engaging little chit. “Besides, he’s my Sire.” He did a full body shiver. “ That would be incest.”
“Ewwww.”
“You’re the one who brought it up.”
“So, you’re happy he’s interested in me and not in Drusilla.”
“In a nutshell, yes. I have a vested interest in keeping you safe and sound. So, see? Good ol’ Spike will protect you. You have nothing to fear. Except from Angelus. Be careful around that one.”
“Hmm.” Willow took his advice to heart. Certainly, the demon had feelings for her but he was temperamental. She should never let her guard down. Frankly, Willow was amazed that he hadn’t been more upset about the ensouling. She turned her attention back to Spike. “So I guess the Big Bad’s my bodyguard.”
“Yes, just not ‘The Bodyguard’ because Kevin Costner’s a wanker. I can’t believe I spent a few pounds to see him piss in a pot and drink it.”
“Well, Waterworld was bad, yes.”
“Bad? Try awful. Bloody awful! I mean, the whole planet is covered in water. Why not lean over the side of the sodding boat and get a drink? No, he’d rather drink some Dr. Pee.”
“And why was everyone dirty? There is no excuse not to bathe. They spend the whole movie searching for dry land when it was right there on their faces. They should have just gotten everyone together and dusted themselves off. Voila! You’d have a new continent.”
“Exactly! And what’s with the freakin’ midget with the map on her back? What’s that about?”
“You really took this personally.”
“I take the movies very seriously, Red. He bloody well tortured me for three hours and I paid him to do it.”
“But ‘Dances with Wolves’ was good.” She sighed. “Especially Wind in His Hair. I’ve always been a sucker for tall, dark, and handsome types.”
“Oh, really? Like His Poofiness?”
“That’s not the issue.”
“Oooh, struck a sore point there.”
“Move on, Spike.”
“Fine. But the movie was too long, if you ask me. I got hungry and had to eat a couple of ushers.”
“Jeez, they didn’t have Snowcaps?”
“I eat ‘em for dessert. Gets rid of that blood aftertaste.”
