Tv Temp: Tina Fey

November 2008

I still had no permanent job after my time on "The Office" and with Jenna Fischer. But I found other ways to make money than temping. I found a freelance website to write on and make a few bucks, and more opportunities were starting to open up by fall. Once I committed to that, I stopped thinking so much about that day in March with Jenna; at least before nighttime.

Just as the experience with Jenna was once in a lifetime, I took the same view with the rest of the temp service.

But that viewpoint was shattered when the agency finally called in late October.

According to them, Jenna called a few days back to see if I had found work on another set. When she found out I hadn't, she raised some objections and asked a few questions.

While there were no openings on shows filmed in L.A., there was one in New York for one of NBC's other comedy shows; which Jenna was able to contact to help seal the deal.

Yet I was hardly going to complain that she did, since the agency was sending me to New York in a few days on their dime. And getting to work for "30 Rock" for 10 days was nothing to sneeze at either; especially nowadays.

This was at a time where "30 Rock" mastermind Tina Fey was everyone's comedy idol; moreso than usual. The Sarah Palin gravy train had long since taken off and put the writer/actress into the zeitgeist; as if several Emmys for herself and her show hadn't done that already.

Her and her show needed all of the helpers they could get, as she tried to do her regular job and handle her new side job on "Saturday Night Live" all at once.

Tina had performed juggling acts like that for years on "SNL" and "30 Rock." Still, running an Emmy-winning series and being swept right into the biggest election of our time was quite a double duty. And now I could play a very very small part in helping her show stay stable in the meantime.

It would have been an honor to aid her at any time, given her accomplishments. But to do it at this time period, in a stint that would stretch into Election Night, was the kind of luck I thought I had already used up.

However, I only got that lucky because I used my old luck so well, which inspired Jenna to remember and help me. I said as much in a letter to her before I went, and felt confident that I would have a response waiting when I got back.

I had actually been to New York earlier that year to see Yankee Stadium before it came down. Plus, the freelance website I worked for had an office in New York, so if things took off, I could visit them more often. I wasn't a complete tourist although I was quite close, yet I managed to make my way to 30 Rockefeller Center.

The work would last from October 28 to November 7; and as it turned out, that also fell in between Tina's last pre-election bit as Sarah Palin on "SNL." Therefore, while I was anxious to do things for her and see her at work, I knew not to bother her too much more. I just focused on making sure she had nothing else to worry about from my end.

Thoughts of things developing like they had with Jenna never entered my mind; not during work hours anyway.

Like Jenna, Tina had the kind of beauty that didn't catch your eye at first; yet it would stay stuck in your mind once you noticed she was actually quite attractive. Her big brain and her glasses may have also helped to overshadow that, but it was there for those who paid attention. However, I didn't fixate on those thoughts, even though I'm sure thousands of others had worse fantasies of her in her Palin outfits by now.

In any case she was married with a daughter, and if she ever wanted to cheat there was no way she could hide it from the media now. The moral question of whether I would go along with it if she did have room never entered my mind; it didn't have to in my fantasy life anyway.

But as I did for most of my "Office" stint, I kept my fantasy and work life completely separate. The exception was in those times when I wondered if Jenna talked to Tina about me to get me the job; and how she described me. It was fortunate that I didn't have many of those free moments, especially since tasks for Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan took up enough time by themselves.

Like Jenna, Tina always thanked me, didn't ask anything unreasonable of me, and stayed professional despite her workload. Since she was both part of the cast and crew, I got more glimpses of her and got to see her in her various elements.

Of course, I was glued to my hotel TV when she performed with John McCain that Saturday night since I couldn't see it in person. Still, knowing that she had done that right near where I temporarily worked gave me a chill the next Monday.

The real chills were still to come on the day after that, since it was Election Night.

It was an abbreviated work day since everyone had to go vote and Alec did his last-minute stumping for Obama. Yet we were allowed to stay inside and watch the returns if we wanted to. I stayed while some others went to watch at home or go about their regular night. I didn't know if Tina was still there or had gone home, although I assumed she would sleep in early now that it looked like Sarah Palin wouldn't be our next vice president.

That became even more obvious at around 9:30 p.m., yet I still wanted to be in Studio 8H to see when it was official. But there were no returns coming in at the moment, so I wandered around looking for something to do until the next polls closed.

Eventually I found myself in the empty writers' room, briefly wondering if there was something I could file or put away. Then I found something that was out of place; a TV on in one of the offices. In fact, I could recognize that it was Tina's office, yet with the door open I could see that she wasn't inside.

I could have left then before she got back. However, I went forward towards the office; half to see if there were any new election updates, and half to get a closer look at the rest of the office. It took about 30 seconds for my eyes to look around, and to see that there were no new returns since I last checked, so I figured I'd pushed my luck long enough.

Yet I saw that I had pushed it a few seconds longer than that, once I turned to see Tina Fey approaching me and her office.

"Gah! I'm sorry Tina, I, I mean Mrs.Fey!" I stuttered. "I'll just get out of your way now...." I knew it was kind of dumb to be that nervous, since Tina didn't snap at her staff like Liz Lemon often had to do. But she was clearly trying to get some privacy and I had invaded it, so I wanted to leave in case she did channel Liz.

"No new polls in the last few minutes?" Tina instead asked calmly.

"Huh? Um, no, nothing new," I answered in a more stable manner. "I'm sure I'll find another TV that'll say the same thing."

"That's all right, I'm sure mine will crack any minute now," she replied. "You can watch it squirm if you want."

"No, I couldn't," I insisted. "I can tell you want your privacy, which I do not blame you for."

"Yeah, well going cold turkey from people has been kind of boring. Maybe I'll adjust better if I have just one with me for a while."

At this point I would look like a jackass by declining an invite, so I had no choice but to take a seat in her office. Yet the news was hardly distracting enough, as I tried to think on what I could and should say to her, if I should say anything at all.

"If you got any Palin jokes saved up about tonight, you can get them out of the way now," Tina offered.

"What? No, I don't really have anything....even if I did, it'd be nothing you haven't heard already. But, uh, I suppose that they'll stop bugging you for a while after tonight," I reassured.

"No, she's opened too much of a Pandora's box from Anchorage for her to be stopped now. And I guess Sarah will bounce back too," she quipped, which made me laugh and officially settle down. "Yeah, she's not going away, so I've probably got just two or four years to air out my wig and glasses."

I was tempted to say "Two if we're lucky" to jokingly wish that Palin wouldn't run for President. Yet although Tina probably wasn't a McCain/Palin voter, she did share the stage with both of them just days ago and may not have wanted to really tear into them. So I settled for saying "It probably speaks as much to you as it does her that they won't let you retire the wig. That's got to count for something."

"Hell, who am I to complain if it does? It got me back on my old stomping grounds for a while. But at least I'll have a few Saturdays open for the next four years now."

"Well, you've done more than enough to earn that. I don't think even bitter McCain voters could argue...and they've got better things to be bitter about tonight anyway," I complimented.

Just a few minutes ago I was trying to get away from her, and now here I was going full fan boy on her. I supposed if I did have this time with her, I should be nice and honest for my trouble.

"That's very nice, and very true at the end. Jenna did say you had a way with words."

So there it was, then. "She... talked directly to you about me?" Once she nodded, I carefully added "I guess it was all nice stuff or I wouldn't be here."

Tina gave an almost suspicious, knowing smile for a split second, which once again made me wonder how graphic Jenna's descriptions were. But she smiled normally in the next split second and stated "She said you were a big help to her at a tough time. I figured we needed guys like that here right now."

"Well, I didn't do anything that made me that special," I said, willing to believe that Jenna didn't tell Tina everything about my time with her. "I just did a temp job for a few weeks and helped make the stars' jobs easier for a while. Hell, I still don't even have a permanent job."

"I guess that website of yours isn't hiring full-time?" That question helped interrupt my self-pity for a moment. "Wait, you know about that?"

"Jenna did most of my research about you for me. But I had to Google and do my part anyway. And I got some pretty good, promising results from it, so I'm not completely lazy."

Now I was going from self-pity to bashful in a record time. "Well, heh, that's not really my specialty....some of it is, like the TV stuff...I mean, it'd have to be, right?"

"That's how Jenna put it; at least some of it." Tina retorted. "She told me a few weeks ago that she reads your articles every day. Now I guess I have to let you go after this week to cure her withdrawal."

"I guess...." I trailed off, still taken aback at the latest example of how Jenna hadn't forgotten me. "She is something else."

"It's a good thing you reminded her of that. And I'm sure you'll have permanent bosses trying to remind you like that in no time." I was tempted to joke about how my future bosses wouldn't remind me quite like Jenna did, yet I wasn't ready to assume how much Tina knew about that. But if she was praising my work and complimenting me, it didn't matter what else she knew.

We wound up bantering like that for the next hour, as we occasionally remembered to check the election coverage. I let Tina do much of the talking when she recapped her Palin-centric stories of the last few months, and I actually made her laugh with my backstage stories on the "30 Rock" and "Office" sets.

I only slightly brought the mood down when I talked about my full time job prospects again, but Tina reminded me that she wasn't an overnight success as well. Of course, she had more future comedy superstars around her to help than I did, but I was too polite to note that; and still a bit too stunned that she was giving career advice to me.

By 10:30, Tina had moved from behind her desk to sit next to me on her couch. With the most recent back-and-forth between us over with, I paused to figure out what I could bring up next. We had certainly covered everything interesting about me, so that lessened my options. But we had done a good job of keeping up conversation so far, which made me realize something.

"You know, I've actually had a longer conversation with you than I ever did with Jenna," I pointed out.

"So you made that kind of impression without talking that much? I guess the sex really balanced that out, then."

Here came the nerves again, right on cue. Yet there was probably no point in using them to deny it. "God....she told you?"

"Not at first, but it slipped out of her after she sold me on you."

"Oh boy....I hope that doesn't give you the wrong idea about me," I tried to convey.

"What idea is that? The one where you helped your first celebrity crush at a bad time, got her to relieve some tension and were pretty good at 'relieving'? I hear bad ideas all the time in this room before we get to the good stuff, but this one sounded like a good first draft."

This was going into a direction that could both scare and excite me in a few seconds. But I needed to be sure I heard her right first. "You've been thinking about....my ideas with Jenna?"

"A few times when I needed to relax, yeah. I didn't plan out having you over here tonight, but I'm glad I got to do it at least once. Now that I've actually talked to you and gotten a more complete picture of you, I'll probably be thinking about those ideas a bit more."

I suspected she would start talking about how she wanted to do more than think soon. Before she did, I figured I'd voice my initial objections right off the bat. "It was easier to have those ideas with a divorced, lonely woman. You're married, so that makes those ideas more....complicated. Maybe you're just tempted because Jenna put those ideas in your head at a stressful time."

"I know that's probably it, I know!" Tina shot back. "It's just that Jenna painted such a vivid picture of you! And now that I know the picture of you with your clothes on is pretty cool....it makes it easier to wonder what could have been." She paused a bit before going on with "You can relate, right?"

I knew what she meant by 'relate,' yet sharing those thoughts might make it harder to keep my will power. However, Tina had been vividly honest with me and I owed her the same. "Kind of, yeah. I mean....you surpassed my earlier picture of you tonight too, and I already knew you were brilliant and beautiful. If it wasn't for these dang morals...I'd have quite a few ideas for you."

"I guess being too smart to get carried away has its downside," Tina replied.

"Yeah," was all I had. "We'd both like to collaborate with each other, but it's murkier than it was with Jenna. Plus I did it with her the day before I left, and I have a few more days here, so it'd be more awkward to work for you again after this. I don't want that, and I assume you don't either."

Once she nodded yes, I sighed and tried to think. "We're two creative people, even though we're on different levels. There's got to be something we can think of that'll relieve this tension and not make us feel guilty or awkward."

We tried to brainstorm to ourselves for a few moments, but then Tina broke the silence by yelling "Naked masturbation!"

I signaled for her to keep it down, remembering that her office door was still slightly open. Once I looked back and saw that no one was outside, I focused on making sense of her actual idea. "Where did that come from?"

"We'd feel too bad if we went all the way, right? But if we got naked and did stuff without penetrating, we could rationalize it more! Have you masturbated to fantasies of me?" It was something that Tina could ask that so normally, so I said yes if only to see what else she could bluntly talk about.

"Good, that'll make it easier to do it with me naked in the room! I think if we both do that, it'll give us the release we need, and we'll get to see each other naked too! That should power our fantasies long enough for us not to act on the dirtier stuff! We'll be satisfied and be able to get it out of our system without going overboard!"

She then calmed down and came down from the rush of her idea. "But this is a collaboration, so if you have any better ideas, I should hear them out first."

This was probably the most intellectual way to rationalize getting naked and masturbating that I could think of. But Tina was an intellectual and I was working on being one, so this did appeal to a few levels in me. I still knew enough to know this was still kind of cheating; yet if we didn't go all the way and we still got to experience that much of each other....

"God, we are nerds for thinking about jacking off like that," I joked. "But I suppose the average nerd wouldn't follow through with it. I know you're not the average nerd and I don't want to be average either, so...."

With that, I went over and actually closed the office door, then made sure to cover the windows. Behind me, I could hear that Tina was working on getting her clothes off, and she had gotten her blazer off by the time I turned around. I then started to unbutton my shirt so we could see each other disrobe.

Tina got into it and exaggerated a bit in removing her blouse very slowly. I laughed as I took my shoes and belt off, then bent down to get my pants off. When I looked back up, Tina already had her blouse off and had a green bra exposed. As she removed her pants next, I was confident that she could already see me stirring beneath my underpants.

But she needed to see for sure, so I removed those as she took off her panties at the same time. That just left her bra to deal with, and Tina made swift work of that within moments.

Jenna's body was flashier and a bit more ample in certain places than Tina's. However, it didn't mean that Tina's breasts weren't appealing and enticing, or that her hips, curves and legs weren't any less entrancing. Although she did have a daughter just a few years earlier, it made it all the more alluring that she maintained her figure like this. And of course, the fact that she still had her glasses on added a few more wonders to the package.

"You really are beautiful, Tina," I stated in the same way I did to Jenna before we started to fuck; even though I used more graphic words back then.

"You already said that, in a way," she pointed out as her eyes trailed to my obvious erection. I chuckled again before I focused on how to get down to business.

With my balls appropriately tightened, I brushed my fingers around them a bit as I started to study Tina. She got into character as well and sat down on a nearby chair, facing me forward with her legs spread. She studied me as my hand started to go up my shaft, and in response she drifted her left hand down to her breast and teased it a little.

I went a little faster and closer to my head as she lifted her breast up, then dropped it down and moved her hand lower as I focused on her breast jiggling. When it was done, I saw that her hand was now right above her crotch, so I slipped my thumb across the slit of my cock just before she moved her thumb through her slit as well.

My hand became a fist and started to grip my dick gently, as Tina's finger started to curl inside of her. She let out a low moan that helped me tighten my grip a bit more, but I let go for a few seconds so she could get a fuller look at my cock. I wiggled it around back and forth for her amusement before I went back to pumping, as she started to pump inside her pussy with more vigor.

"Mmm....I bet I wasn't like this in your fantasies," Tina breathed out. "But I guess you were doing what my fingers are right now, huh?"

"Among other things," I confessed as I started to get more carried away.

"What did you do, exactly?" she asked as she was getting into it as well. Now that I was getting more and more in the mood, I felt freer to share. It might help her along a bit, and maybe she'd do the same to help me as well.

"I didn't start there right away. I kneeled down, trailed my hands up your legs and up and down your body first. Also, I remember licking up to your thighs before I inched closer to my target."