Thirty Days of Honeymoon

Bruce knew he was wasn't quite normal. He was a bit more 'goal-oriented' than most. But even if he'd led the most mundane, ordinary, regular life there was, he didn't think he'd understand shopping malls.

Anything he might be looking for crammed in with two hundred things he wasn't. Dick hadn't liked malls, Zatanna didn't, Diana didn't. But two wives meant he'd married into twice as many families. He'd already had to deal with Zachary borrowing every car from his garage and now having his sights set on the Batmobile.

He'd almost rather just

give

Cassie a car than get spritzed in the face by any more perfume. But as long as they were bonding... "Cassie, you understand that Diana and Zatanna and I—it's not because Diana isn't enough for me or anything like that..."

"Dude, chapter-skip the talk. I get two more people browsing my wishlist this Christmas. One of them's a billionaire. You can have as many wives as you want."

"Well, that's good to hear."

"Why, is Talia taking your phone calls?"

"Shush. Buy something expensive."

Cassie looked at a dress in a window. "Expensive enough to make Diana rant about capitalism?"

"Just enough."

That's when the floor shook. Not much, a tremor, just enough to make the crowd pause, look up from their smartphones, stop in their tracks. Not even stop, just take a few slow, haltering steps, hesitating in readiness for continuing on apace. But then the floor shook again. This time cracks ran through it.

Bruce pulled Cassie aside as she stared, into a store, and the floor split open, tiles falling through into the shattered foundation, the gaping hole that immediately filled with a redwood sized vine. It grew until it hit the skylight, bursting through that until its stalk was too thick to go any further. The trunk of it now filled the mall, level by level, splitting open now, letting out Feraks that hissed and roared at the crowd, pushing them even further back then their fear had.

Finally, the Sirens emerged. Catwoman, her entire body covered by skintight leather, silhouetting a muscular frame, a dancer's body. Harley Quinn, her spandex even tighter than Selina's bodysuit, creeping over the crevice of her ass and the hardened points of her nipples. Poison Ivy, the leaves of her costume hanging off her abundant curves, covering her in a disdainfully casual way, like they were vines that had just happened to grow onto a statue. Ivy wanted to deny men a look at her as much as she didn't care if they did see.

"Attention shoppers!" Selina called, cracking her whip to further get people's attention, as if they could pay attention to anything else. "Would Mr. Prince—or Mr. Zatara, I'm not sure how these things work—please present himself to us for the standard kidnapping and ransom? Or, hmm..." She tapped her lips thoughtfully with the handle of her whip.

Ivy broke in with a suggestion. "The suffering of the innocents, excessive property damage...?"

"Explosions!" Harley cried. "Lots and lots of

bang, boom, bang!"

Bruce had preparations in place for such a contingency. Drawing his cell phone, he started the proper programs running.

"Alright," Cassie said, her voice low and commanding. "You go, get a ski mask or whatever and back me up when you can, I'll engage them."

"No," Bruce said. His voice bringing Cassie to a heart attack stop. She may have commanded the Titans, but he'd commanded the League. "It's too crowded, too much collateral. I'll go with them."

"They'll kill you!"

"Quinn, maybe. The other two aren't so unprofessional. Get Zatanna and Diana. Let them handle it. This can't be traced to Batman."

"Oh, you're referring to yourself in the third person, that's wonderful..." Cassie said as Bruce stood, crisply walking out of the store with his hands up. A falling chunk of debris had taken out the storefront. He stepped out through the broken window.

Selina spotted him first. Like she was attuned to him. "Brucie. Hey. Funny running into you here." Her whip flicked out, catching him around the waist. He submitted to it as she drew him in. "Heard you got married. How many kids is that, now? It all seems very Cheaper By The Dozen."

"You don't seem like a stranger to adoption yourself," Bruce retorted, nodding to Ivy and Harley.

"I resent your implication," Ivy said. "On my own behalf, not on Harley's."

"Yeah, I'm immature," Harley agreed. "Are we kidnapping this guy or what?"

"Oh yes. Ivy?"

Ivy cupped her hand in front of her lips and blew. The last thing Bruce saw was a sparkling collection of pink smoke billowing towards his face...

***

Bruce woke up to the smell of flowers, soil, rain. He groaned inwardly. How many greenhouses were there in Gotham?

He opened his eyes and saw that this was one of the smaller ones, a cottage, he could see the city lights through the sprinkler-flashed windows. Ivy was in the background, snipping something. Selina was closer. Going through his personal effects on a card table in front of him. He was tied to a chair. Professional job. It was wooden and Ivy had brought it back to life, vines and wood webbing over him like that bicycle that'd had a tree grow around it.

"Selina," he said, "I don't think you're taking the break-up very well."

She picked through the smashed remains of his phone, coming up with a tracker, crushing it between her claws. "What? I'm moving on. If you'd cheated on Ivy with two women—"

"We

broke up.

"

"You broke up, because you couldn't stand my independence, and then you shacked up with two of your little followers from the

Justice League.

"

He barked a laugh that briefly drew Ivy's gaze. "Diana is no one's follower. Zatanna is... actually pretty submissive."

"Always the fishnets," Selina mused. "Dinah's the same way. I'm surprised you haven't asked about your precious little secret yet. That must take impressive self-restraint—but then, restraint isn't your problem, is it?"

"You wouldn't tell."

"No, I wouldn't. Wouldn't be fair to the kids. But I do plan on making you pay out the nose, publically humiliating you, slashing your tires, et cetera, et cetera." She found another bug, cut it in two. "By the way, we have a little signal blocker here. I don't think your palsies will be finding you fast. Not that many of them could care much for 'Bruce Wayne'. I'm sure about as many people know your secret as know the 9,000 digit of pi."

"Are you talking gossip column stuff yet?" Ivy called. "I want to be there for that!"

"Just bank codes!" Selina assured her, shouting back across the greenhouse. She gave Bruce a smile. "Ivy wants to torture you for details about the wifeys' sex lives. Who's on top, who's on bottom, what goes where. That sort of thing."

"I don't suppose you're curious?"

"You know what it did to the cat."

"Bring her over. I'll talk. 'Cowardly playboy,' remember?"

"That old routine," Selina tsked. She clucked her tongue at Ivy. "C'mon, Ives. Brucie wants to talk business."

"In a second..."

Bruce cracked his neck. "Where's Quinn, anyway?"

"Making the ransom notes. She does love her arts and crafts."

"Who doesn't?"

"You're pretty sarcastic for a guy who has to have a bat on all his furnishings..."

Ivy came over, peeling her gardening gloves off. Even someone as close to the Earth as her didn't want to ruin her nails. "So, Brucie—decided a little kiss and tell is better than having weeds growing in your lungs?"

"Depends on the weed, I guess." He gave her a hapless smile. "I'm afraid I can't be too much of a help, though, sorry. I don't really get much first-hand knowledge."

"Of your wives? Play fair, Brucie. Which one of them is trying to deflect attention from her cellulite, the fishnets or the bustier?"

"Honestly, I wouldn't know. I'm not much of a... participant." Bruce looked into Ivy's eyes. "They mostly get by without me."

Selina laughed aloud. Ivy put her foot on the chair, hunching down to confront Bruce face to face. "I'm not amused by this."

"It's the truth! Surely you've heard the rumors—all the models who never seal the deal, the tell-alls with nothing to tell. Well, they've got it right." He looked away. "I'm not really... equipped for that kind of thing. But try telling the society pages that your 'sexual' doesn't begin with 'hetero'."

Selina covered her barking laugh with her hand. Ivy shoved Bruce back in his seat with a kick, dismounting from the chair and putting her foot back down. "Bullshit. Why would they marry you then? It's not like they need the money."

Bruce shrugged. "Two women getting married, controversial. Two women getting married to a man... taboo. Which would you rather be?"

"And you?"

"I don't have to answer questions about my nightlife. And they leave me alone to do my knitting. I quite like knitting."

A flick of her ankle uprooted Bruce's chair, sending him crashing down onto his back. He stared up at Ivy as she stood over him, a bare foot mounting his chest. "I want something juicy, Brucie. I want to know what makes that little Amazon witch come, I want to know if Stockings spits or swallows, and I want to know

now!"

Bruce had seen enough criminals do it to whimper quite convincingly. "They're not exclusive!"

Ivy was taken aback. "What are you talking about? You just said they're really just married to each other!"

"Yes, but—not with me! With other people! Other

women."

Ivy cocked her head to the side. "Go on."

"Haven't you seen them together? With Black Canary? With Big Barda? Or Starfire, or Power Girl, or the others? They bring them to the mansion and no one thinks anything of it, since they're married to me. But really..."

"Really?" Ivy prompted, her hips canting to one side.

"They're

orgies.

I watch, sometimes, when they don't mind. Even for me, there's an artistry to it. Have you ever seen three women together, Ivy? Two of them lovers, intimate, the other one new, novel. They team up on her. Overwhelm her. Devour her. It's magnificent."

"Really," Ivy said again. A flat, dull voice. A hint of something under it.

"They move in concert. Like a pair of hunters. Denying her, then granting themselves to her. With Batwoman..." Here, Ivy bit her lip. They all loved Batwoman. "They wouldn't let her kiss them after a certain point. They had to hold her down to stop her, but that was an easy thing for Diana. Then they stripped her, very slowly, not breaking a single stitch. She writhed, she moaned, but they wouldn't let her up. They sucked on her breasts, both at the same time. I saw Batwoman's legs just kicking, kicking, like she couldn't get traction. Then they let her have her kiss. They kissed her together, Diana her mouth, Zatanna her neck. Fingered her together. The thing is, they don't stop,

ever,

until the woman comes. It's like a victory for them. They just kept adding fingers until she came undone. Then they licked her. Zatanna from behind, Diana from the front. She begged them to stop. Then thanked them after they wouldn't. After, they made her please them. I'd say they used her, like a toy, but she loved it all. Being mounted. Being ridden. Taken, over and over again, shown what it was like to be the wife of an Amazon. Just for one night! It was morning before they let her sleep. You know, they have a month-long waiting list? They're not that busy, they just don't want the girls to overwhelm themselves by going two nights in a row. Supergirl offered them all the sunstones on Kandor to let her go again. They wouldn't even take her call."

Selina doubted it—she knew how Bruce was, and was positive Zatanna and Diana were getting the same treatment she'd been fortunate enough to receive once—but hearing the words, she couldn't help but picture it. Neither could Ivy. Selina could see her nipples standing out. They pushed through the leaves covering her breasts.

"What's taking Harley so long?" Ivy complained suddenly, a slight tremor in her voice. "C'mon, Selina. Let's go find Harley."

"Yeah," Selina agreed. She hadn't moved throughout Bruce's little speech. When she did, she felt how tight her costume was across her breasts. Her burning breasts...

The moment they stepped out of the greenhouse and onto the roof of their Bowery hide-out, the cold of the Gotham night pressed in. It did nothing to cool Selina. All she felt was how much more acutely warm her body was inside her leather bodysuit. She tugged her zipper down an inch from her collar, letting the breeze ice down her throat, and felt Ivy's eyes there as well. Suddenly, she was even warmer.

"Never?" Ivy asked, saying just enough words for her voice to lilt seductively.

"Not for a long time," Selina replied, thinking of Holly and riding crops, 'practice'. "And not any of your business."

Ivy reached out. Rested her green-nailed finger on inside the circle of her O-ring zipper. Her fingernail was cut short. The green a glossy jade. Selina could feel the warmth of sun-baked soil in her fingerprint, right through her catsuit.

"I could make it my business."

"And I could let you," Selina replied coolly.

"Do," Ivy said. Just enough words to seduce Selina.

She trailed her finger down Selina's body, as if it were just an accident that she took the zipper with her, that she sliced it between Selina's jutting breasts. When the zipper was between them—it went slowly, so

slowly

—Ivy added her middle finger, pushing it past the zipper, touching Selina's sweating skin.

She pulled with her pointer, probed with her middle, drawing the zipper down Selina's belly. Her touch already sending shockwaves down below where the actual finger was, down where Selina was low and animal and womanly. She clawed it down Selina's pelvis, her other fingers hanging off Selina's hipbones. Then she let go. The zipper shockingly dangled against Selina's sex through hateful layers of leather, body armor, panties—wetness.

"See if you like this..." Ivy murmured, flashing green nails opening up Selina's split leather, pulling them to either side of her cleavage. "Do it for me," she ordered, her words as rare and as sensual as rosebuds in winter. Selina couldn't help but obey—not Ivy, but her own soaring needs.

She held her unzipped catsuit open, leaning back against the warm glass of the greenhouse as Ivy gently kissed her breasts—gently nibbled them—gently licked them—not so gently sucked them. By the end, Selina was urging her breasts forward, trying to get more. Her body was craven, helpless. Her mind equally so. She couldn't stop picturing Harley doing this to, with Ivy, to her... God, they really

did,

didn't they? Selina had never understood...

A smile came to Ivy's face. Even silent, Selina was a cacophony—head tilted up, breath deafening in the night air, jaw clicking open or teeth grinding together, every noise loud, explosive, the sound of Selina's destruction and only Ivy could hear. Such a mammal. Such an animal. Ivy got down on her knees. She tongued Selina's navel, felt the animal quiver. No more coaxing. No more seduction. Just nature. She tore the zipper the rest of the way down.

Selina only felt the chill on her sex for a moment before it was heated by Ivy's beautiful tongue. Selina's mouth fell open for the last time—it would stay that way throughout their lovemaking—a moan coming up from deep inside as she stretched against the glass, the light from inside, reaching for it with outstretched fingers as the rest of her surrendered completely to this new, wonderful feeling.

Ivy shivered with excitement—the taboo of it, fucking a

mammal,

a

person

, one of the despoilers. But she couldn't think of Selina that way, couldn't dominate her. Selina had always been a little like her—a little

real,

not like all the two-legged beasts that called themselves men.

Even if Selina cared for cats—

cats

, of all things—instead of something as worthy and grand and needing as the forests, they still took the same side when the choice was between Man and Nature. Selina just didn't see the choice as much. No matter. Ivy knew where she stood when the chips were done. She'd betrayed Wayne, hadn't she? And now she was Ivy's...

Ivy's tongue slipped into Selina like a root seeking nourishment.

The anger and heartbreak Selina felt at Bruce—as much as she denied it, as much as she knew it was irrational, as much as she herself derided her own emotions—it was all flushed from her, destroyed by one of the many orgasms Ivy gave her. Until finally, one of her banging fists managed to break through the window panes of the greenhouse. The wind whistled in.

"Now look what you've done." But, much like with Harley, Ivy couldn't stay angry for long. Not even a whole minute. She smiled impishly at Selina. "Fix it. And check on the prisoner. Wouldn't want his wives to catch him with another woman, would we?"

Selina nodded, her pride grating against following Ivy's orders—anyone's, really—but giving in. She thought of this happening again. Again and again and again.

***

"I hope you enjoyed yourself," Bruce said when she returned. He was still locked up tight. Selina got a glass of water for him.

"What makes you think I'm enjoying any of this? Working with a nitwit clown and a psychotic ecoterrorist? It's shameful what a simple working girl's reduced to these days..."

"Your suit's unzipped."

Selina looked down to see most of her cleavage and all of her stomach. Hurriedly, she tugged the zipper up. Shit, undressed like that, she looked like some ridiculous male fantasy, like that cat burglar skank who always threw herself at Spider-Man in the funny pages. Ludicrous adolescent wet dreams.

She brought Bruce the water, resisting the urge to throw it in his face. "Well, I guess you'd be the expert on two women at once. Right,

Mr. Prince?"

"That's not her last name. Diana doesn't really have a last name. Well, Wayne... if she's in a good mood."

Selina shoved the water down his throat, forcing him to swallow or have it spill down his suit. "Oh, I've amused you. I've finally managed it, now that we've split up."

Bruce gulped the last of his drink. "I wasn't being facetious. I really am happy for you. It would never work between us. You're a criminal. I'm... not. But with someone who shares your outlook on life..."

"Ivy doesn't share a thing with me except a bra size."

Bruce cocked his head to the side. "Shame. If you were together, you'd probably be good for her. Show her not everyone's so bad. That she doesn't have to give up on humanity."

"She has Harley for that."

"Harley? The Joker's girl, the most unattainable woman in Gotham? You don't think Ivy's setting herself up to be hurt? To have her fear of mankind proved right again and again?"

Selina sprung to Ivy's defense like that wasn't the weirdest sentence her vocabulary could construct. "She loves Harley."

"And Harley loves her. That doesn't make it a balanced relationship. A good relationship should have control.

Someone

to right the ship, even if that job shifts back and forth. Harley and Ivy don't have that. Usually, I'd say that means they should both find someone else. But the way they are—there is no one else for them. They love each other. It's a twisted fairy tale, but it's theirs. Maybe if they had someone else; a third person to give the relationship what the other two can't..."

Selina crossed her arms. "You picked a wonderful time to get good at relationships."

"I've raised four boys and I'm married to Wonder Woman. You pick up a little good advice." Bruce met her eyes. It'd been hard, before, for both of them. "I'm sorry I hurt you. Can't we get past this? Not in some crisis where we have to work together, but now, when it's just us, and there aren't any

stakes?"

"Sure. One thing first." Selina punched him. "Okay. Now I'm over it."