Please click on my user name to see the other stories in my "The Office" series.
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It was a typical day in the office and I was answering emails to my many clients while trying to ignore my little-better-than-apes subordinates. The woman across from me, Pam, started making a racket while shifting through her desk drawers. Her disgusting husband, Jim, and I inquired simultaneously about the reason for her noise-making.
After a moment she answered, "That's weird, my breast pump's missing. Have you seen my breast pump?"
I had no idea why she was asking me if I had seen her breast pump but apparently she was about to explode onto our work area and we couldn't have that. I reached for my hand sanitizer to once again fix a problem and said to Pam, "Okay, this is going to traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you believe me."
Pam replied, "You know what Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first, okay?"
I answered, "Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. Three squeezes and I would drain you."
It was true, too. I had won several ribbons at the county fair for most efficient method in the hand milking cows category. I was an expert at draining teats.
I shrugged my shoulders and went back to typing up some orders requested in my client emails, glad that the racket was over and then suddenly I heard a yell from the kitchen area.
"Meredith! That's unsanitary!"
Pam came back from the bathroom with the breast pump in her hand but I could tell from her swollen breasts that she had not drained them. She slammed the pump down on her desk and a little milk began to leak through her blouse.
"Damn it!" she said violently and looked at her husband.
Jim just stood up and gathered his things, "I've got a client meeting in 30 minutes but I think there is some of the liquid soap you use to clean it in the trunk of the car. Didn't we stop by the store this morning to pick up some more baby supplies?"
Pam nodded, "Yeah, I'll walk down with you and get it."
Pam followed Jim out to their car so I could finally get back to work. Pam came back 30 minutes later with a new shirt on and still her breasts seemed near bursting. She must have been in a lot of pain because she sent me an instant message with a short message:
"Need your expertise. Please meet me in the kitchen." Then she got up and left the room.
I waited a few seconds to finish my client email then closed the instant message window and followed her while silently slipping my hand sanitizer into my pocket.
I walked into the kitchen and there was no one around. As I turned to leave, the small closet door near the bathrooms opened and an arm reached out to pull me into the dark room.
I took a defensive stance as the door closed and called, "State your name and the purpose of this assault by the time I count to three or I will attack."
Pam's voice answered in the darkness, "Hold on, Dwight, I'm trying to find the light."
"You mean this light?" I replied sarcastically as I reached up to the string above my head and yanked the chain to turn the light on.
Pam blinked at the sudden brightness then looked up at me nervously.
I took the hand sanitizer out of my pocket, removed my jacket and gave my hands a thorough disinfecting.
"Remove all clothing above the waist," I commanded.
Pam stood motionless and staring at me like an idiot.
"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," she finally replied.
I shrugged and reached for my jacket, "suit yourself."
Her hand reached out to grab my wrist, "No wait," she said. "I'm in a lot of pain, Dwight. This is really creepy but if I don't get some relief soon I am going to explode."
I nodded and reached for a clean bucket from the top shelf of the racks in the closet, which happened to be the maintenance supply room.
Pam hesitated another moment then removed her shirt. She was wearing a pretty slutty white lace bra that I didn't think a new mom should be wearing and I said something about it.